


(they say home) is where you go to rest your bones

by darlingjustdont



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Boys Being Silly, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Kidfic, M/M, Miscommunication, No Smut, OT5 Friendship, There's a baby, bc of course, i really don't know when in canon this takes place???, idk it's up to you, pretty much as smutty as you can get without actual smut, zayn's 20 in this fic mostly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-09
Updated: 2015-06-09
Packaged: 2018-04-03 16:48:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 68,828
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4108003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darlingjustdont/pseuds/darlingjustdont
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><em>There’s a warmth in his chest that expands until he feels buoyant almost. Like he could potentially fly. What a fucking cliche.</em><br/><em>“You okay?” Liam asks, sliding up behind him and pressing a kiss to the nape of his neck.</em><br/><em>“Never been better,” he replies. “Why do you ask?”</em><br/><em>“You’ve been staring into the cupboard for about three minutes, babe. I don’t think you’re going to find Narnia there, no matter how hard you look.”</em><br/><em>Zayn snorts and turns so Liam’s bracketed by his legs. <em>“You’re a dork.”</em></em><br/><em>Liam shrugs. “You love it, though,” he answers easily and Zayn’s breath catches for a minute.</em><br/><em>“Yeah, I do.” </em><br/><em></em><br/>Zayn's managing just fine as a single father. Louis and Harry are a help, as much as they are terrors, but it's Liam who brings him home.<br/><br/><br/><br/><br/></p>
            </blockquote>





	(they say home) is where you go to rest your bones

**Author's Note:**

> Alright. This fic is something, to say the least. I thought it would be around 10k and here we are. I've been working on this for months and it's gotten a little out of hand, so I can't believe I'm actually done. There are so many people to thank because they helped make this into an actual thing so here we go. 
> 
> Thank you Adri, for betaing this and being my sounding board for all my ideas, thank you Ani, for helping me figure out plot holes and characterization, and thank you Zeina, for giving me the idea and just being so encouraging. Also she's the reason for this because she's the worst. You guys were awesome and you celebrated with me when I finished. I love you three so much. 
> 
> Title taken from Gabrielle Aplin's Home. 
> 
> Enjoy xx

He's shaking, his fingers aching for a cigarette. And there's nothing that Zayn would like more than to chain smoke his way through a pack until his thoughts are in some semblance of order.

His name's Zayn. He's 19. He's in uni, studying English. He loves—

His mind disintegrates there, fracturing into incoherent nonsense. He's never needed a smoke so badly but he can't, he _can_ _'_ _t._

The child sitting in the middle of his bed just watches him with a thumb in her mouth, quiet and contemplative. He reaches down and touches her head gently, reassuring himself that yes, she's there and no, this isn't a dream. The girl squirms a little but her wide eyes never leave his. Zayn swears she understands everything. She has to, with a gaze that solemn.

Perrie had named her Ava. But then again, Perrie had just walked out the door with no intention of coming back.

Zayn chokes once on the responsibility clogging his throat and fishes his phone out of his pocket, hitting the numbers blindly.

It rings once.

"Hello?"

"Louis?" He manages, and it's enough.

 

It takes ten minutes for Ava to start fussing and eleven for a knock to echo on the door. Zayn spins around, blindly hoping and laughing at himself when it's his best mate.

"Zayn, what's going on?"

Zayn just shakes his head, running a hand down Ava's back. She quiets at his touch and he breathes a sigh of relief.

"Where's Perrie?"

"Gone."

Louis stares at him blankly for a second. "You mean, like—"

"Yeah."

'Shit,' he breathes and then he moves towards them, wrapping up Zayn and Ava in a big hug. Zayn's shaking and Louis is shushing and then Ava's being gently pulled from his arms. "Go lay down or something. I'll take care of her."

He's never been so thankful in his _life_ and he stumbles from the bedroom out into the hallway and then onto the tiny balcony. It's cold, unusually so for May. He pulls out a cigarette and lights it. His mind clears almost instantly, and he almost wishes it didn't because now he can fully wrap his head around what's going on.

His name's Zayn. He's 19. He's in uni, studying English. His girlfriend, who he loves, doesn't love him now. His girlfriend, the mother of his child, has decided that she doesn't want them anymore. His girlfriend, who he was going to marry one day, has walked out of his life, leaving him with a year-old baby.

And Zayn is completely and utterly screwed. He lights another cigarette.

Louis called Harry at some point or another, because when Zayn goes back inside, he's in the kitchen, chopping vegetables and chatting to Louis. The conversation quiets when they notice him and Harry sets down the knife.

"I'm sorry, Zayn," he says quietly and Zayn shrugs.

"Shit happens."

"Yeah, but this—"

"Can we just leave it?" he interrupts, rubbing his eyes with a hand. "I'd rather not talk about this, not sober."

Harry looks at him for a while, so does Louis, and they nod. "Louis, start frying the chicken, yeah?" Louis pouts but does as he's told. Zayn leans against the door and closes his eyes and he can almost pretend that everything is normal.

Almost. Except—

"Boys, where's Ava?"

"Sleeping."

"It's barely five."

"She looked like she could use a nap."

"She just woke up from a nap, Louis! She doesn't need to sleep anymore," he calls over his shoulder as he moves into the tiny bedroom. Sure enough, Ava's asleep in their- _his_ bed, her thumb in her mouth and her index finger curled over her nose. He sighs and runs his fingers through her hair.

"Babe, you need to get up," he murmurs and he can't hold back a smile when she frowns. "Ava, come on." He gathers her in his arms and picks her up as she blinks her eyes open. Her brows furrow and she looks over his shoulder.

"Mama's not here, love."

She frowns harder and his heart breaks a little more.

"She's not here. But you know who is?" he says as he walks into the kitchen. Louis and Harry give her a wave and she breaks into a smile. Harry grins back and holds out his arms. Ava goes to him immediately, contentedly laying her head on his shoulder. Zayn should feel jealous but they're so cute that he can't find it in him.

Louis, on the other hand, has no problem. "Why does she love you best?" he whines to an unsympathetic audience.

"Probably cause I'm nicer."

"No," Louis deadpans, "it's because you've got hair long enough for her to grab." And sure enough, Ava's hand winds itself into Harry's curls and gives a tug. She giggles at Harry's protest and pulls again.

Zayn snorts and moves the frying pan off the stove, narrowly saving the vegetables inside from burning. Dumping a handful of spices into the pan, he's pulled out of his thoughts by Louis' loud groan.

"Zayn, we weren't making curry!"

There's a moment of silence as he tries to understand what just happening, staring at the reddening mess. "Oops?"

"Honestly, Malik. Absentminded much? It's a good thing you make a good curry."

"It's the only good thing he can make," Harry mumbles. He hides his smile against Ava's head when Zayn throws him a glare.

"I resent that. I can make eggs and toast and pancakes."

"Lumpy pancakes."

"But they're good!"

"If you say so," Harry says serenely, giving Louis a wink and wincing as Ava shrieks. "That was bloody loud."

"Kid's got some pipes," agrees Louis as Zayn and Harry switch tasks. With his baby in his arms and his two best friends laughing about nothing, he hardly notices the place where Perrie used to be.

But then it's bedtime, and she's crying because Perrie's always been the one to put her to sleep and Zayn doesn't know what to do and Ava will not stop sobbing, no matter how much he rocks her and sings. Not even Harry's attempts are successful and eventually, they lay her down in her crib and crowd onto the small sofa, praying that she cries herself to sleep soon.

Zayn feels close to tears himself; there's a burning at the back of his eyes that he absolutely refuses to acknowledge. Louis and Harry alternate between sending him worried glances and sending them in the direction of Ava's cries.

"Can you—" he says thickly before clearing his throat and trying again. "Can you stay? I can't…"

Louis hushes him and curls up against his side. Harry does the same on the other and he can feel fingers running through his hair.

"Course, love. Whatever you need," Louis says. He gets up briefly to put on the kettle and pop in the Avengers, but comes right back. The three of them huddle on the sofa, blankly watching the television and sipping on cup after cup of tea, listening to the sniffs and sobs of a broken-hearted baby who just wants her mother.

 

Louis moves in when Zayn realises he can't afford to live alone. He tries to argue, even packs his bags to move back to his parents', but Louis won't have it.

"Nah, mate," he says firmly when Zayn tries to argue, "What kind of shit friend would I be if I let someone else's mistake ruin your education?"

"It takes two people to make a baby."

"I know that," Louis tells him with a snort. "But it wasn't your fault she walked away, is it?"

Zayn blinks and opens his mouth.

"I know what you're going to say and I want you to repeat it after me. This is not my fault."

"This is not my fault," Zayn dutifully repeats and pulls him in for a hug.

 

Harry sets up a swear jar to "protect innocent ears from the likes of you, _Lewis._ _"_ No one is very surprised when it's Harry that ends up contributing the most, seeing as Louis subsequently makes it his personal mission to cause him to slip up and curse.

"It's what you get for being smug."

"Fu— shut _up,_ Zayn."

 

Money's still an issue. He lays awake sometimes worrying about it. He doesn't have the time to pick up more shifts at the coffee shop and feels horrible about forcing his daughter on his friends already.

"Don't worry about it," Harry tells him calmly. "We love you and love her. This isn't a problem for us."

"But—"

"Honestly, one of us was going to have a kid eventually. It's just a little earlier than what we expected."

"I feel like I should at least _pay_ you."

Louis laughs from his spot on the couch. "No."

"Louis."

He crosses his arms and stares Zayn down. "No. Money's tight enough as is and we're your family. We shouldn't get paid for that." Harry nods his agreement.

 

He has to buy Ava some new things a few weeks later and isn't able to make rent fully.

"Louis, I'm so sorry."

"We're okay for this month. Don't worry."

"I'll pay you back as soon as I can."

Louis takes a bite out of his biscuit and shakes his head. "No. Happy Christmas to you."

"It's June."

"Half-Christmas, then."

 

Ava doesn't sleep through the night, at least not in her own bed. She wails and fusses until Zayn can't bear it anymore. He tucks her into what used to be Perrie's side of the bed and croons nonsense until she stops whimpering for her mama.

"I'm sorry," Zayn mumbles one morning after a particularly bad night. Louis frowns at him.

"For what?"

"The, uh, crying and baby stuff."

"Ava's been crying?"

"Shit, Louis. Do you sleep like the dead? She practically screams all night; my neighbours probably hate me."

"Oh, I bought earplugs when I moved in. Figured I would need them. Also, swear jar."

"Ava's not even here!" Zayn grumbles as he drops a handful of coins into the jar. "She can't hear me."

"Yeah, but we've got to break the habit. She can't have a father that swears like a sailor. 'S not a good influence."

"Sod off."

"Swear—"

Zayn tells him exactly what he can do with the jar before dropping another handful of coins in. Louis grins.

"At this rate, we'll be able to go on a holiday to France in no time."

"I think that's a little unrealistic, babe. How about a pub crawl or something?"

"I'll take it."

 

Before he knows it, it's November and it's been six months. Everything's changed and nothing's changed. He gets up, leaves Ava with Louis or lets Harry in, depending on the day. He goes to his classes, curses every deity that all of the lectures are before noon, goes to work at the cafe, picks up Ava from whomever has her, takes her home, and thanks every deity that all his evenings are free.

The Perrie-shaped hole in his life shrinks until it's barely there, present only in the glimpses he sees in his daughter and in the quietest, darkest hours of the night when he lets himself go.

 

Eight AM classes really should be banned _,_ he thinks to himself as he waits for his professor to start droning. Not that he's going to listen. Ava was worse last night and he hadn't fallen asleep until three, only to drag himself out of bed four hours later. The shower had run cold before he rinsed the soap out of his hair, and all they had left in the kitchen were a few sad pieces of bread. At least he had his coffee.

"Oh no, I'm _so_ sorry."

And there went his coffee.

Zayn lifts his head with a tirade ready on his tongue and finds himself looking at the human embodiment of a puppy.

"I didn't mean to do that! It's awful and it's all over your desk. I'm sorry, I'll buy you another one—"

Distantly, he figures he should say something to stop this puppy-man from rambling. Make him feel better or something, but he can't seem to be able to speak.

"—and I'm sorry?"

"It's okay. Accidents happen, like."

The boy's face splits into a grin and he shakes the curly hair out of his face. "I thought you were really mad at me for a moment there, mate. I'm Liam."

"Zayn."

"Nice to meet you," he says and sticks out his hand. Zayn shakes it, still a little overwhelmed. "You're not a morning person, are you?"

"Er.. no?"

"You've got that angry sort of look in your eyes."

Zayn blinks at him and Liam goes pink.

"I mean, like you can just tell when someone's not a morning person because they look angry at the world—until they wake up of course—and then they also hate talking and you don't look like a morning person at all. And I'm embarrassing myself so I'm just going to go sit down," he finishes lamely, more than a little red at this point. "Sorry for spilling your coffee."

And then, before Zayn can catch up—his mind's still processing the 'angry sort of look' part—Liam's ducked away and he's staring at space.

He gets nothing from the lecture because he's so sleep deprived, it's not funny, and because he sees a mess of curly hair every time he closes his eyes. He really needs more caffeine.

Scrubbing a hand over his face, he starts at the sound of someone clearing their throat. It's Liam.

"I promised you another coffee. Do you have class after this?"

"No, not for an hour," he answers. Liam smiles and he can't help but smile back.

"Good, c'mon." He leads Zayn out of the classroom, down the hall and across campus, chattering about nonsense. Zayn is content to just listen, adding a thought here and there as the situation demands it.

"I'm sorry, I'm talking your ear off."

"S'cool, mate. I'm just tired, like. Didn't get much sleep last night," he says, stifling a yawn as he does.

"Right, so an extra large coffee then."

"Liam, you don't have to—"

"It's only fair. Can't have you falling asleep in all your classes."

Zayn grins. "I do it all the time. Not a big deal."

Liam raises his eyebrows at that and knocks his shoulder into Zayn's. "Are you one of those people who doesn't pay attention and then aces the class anyways?"

"Maybe."

"I hate you."

"Harsh words for someone you've just met."

They reach the shop—luckily not the one Zayn works at; that would have been embarrassing—and it's surprisingly empty.

"Um I'll have a cappuccino and he'll have a…"

"Double espresso."

"Double expresso," Liam repeats to the barista, handing over the money. Turning his head, he catches the smile Zayn's trying to keep hidden. "What?"

"Espresso, babe. There's an 's' in it, not an 'x'."

Liam wrinkles his nose and it's potentially the cutest thing Zayn's seen. "But like, what if the ex— _es_ presso's done really fast? Would that be an expresso?"

"Whatever you say," he says with a chuckle and Liam lets out a huff. He grabs his cup off the counter and marches over to the milk.

"You two are really adorable," the barista says in a kind voice, startling Zayn out of his thoughts. His eyes go wide and he shakes his head wildly.

"Oh, we're not— He's not— We've just met."

"Pretty decent flirting for someone you just met, but whatever." She pops her gum and moves on to the next order. He picks up his espresso and sits at the table Liam's already settled out.

"Expresso, c'mon. You've got to admit that was clever."

"Not even a bit," Zayn tells him and Liam pouts. He's even better at it than Harry. Speaking of… "You should meet my mate. He's got even worse puns than you do. And his knock-knock jokes, bloody hell."

"Is that an example or a reaction?"

Zayn considers it for a moment, tapping a finger on the table. "Reaction, but it could be an example if you bug Harry enough about it."

Liam laughs at that, eyes crinkling, and Zayn can't help but join. They smile at each other for a moment before realising what they're doing. Zayn sips at his coffee, hiding his surely pink cheeks in the cup, and watches Liam run a hand through his hair.

"What're you studying, then?" he asks and Liam frowns. (Liam should never frown, Zayn thinks, because it's honestly a global tragedy.)

"Er, business."

"Really? Sick."

"Yeah. It was my dad's idea. And maths is the only thing I was really good at in school, so I figured it would be best. What're you studying?"

Zayn wants to ask more, but Liam looks so distressed and he's only known him for about forty-five minutes. "English. I wanna be a teacher or something."

"Nice! I'm dead awful at English, hardly passed it back home. It's too vague for me."

"That's the best part, though!" Zayn argues and Liam smiles again.

"Nah, I'm not smart enough for that. I'll stick to my maths, thank you very much." They both chuckle and, after checking his watch, Zayn stands up to leave.

"Sorry mate, but I've got to go to class. It was really nice to meet you, yeah? Thanks for the coffee."

"My pleasure," Liam says, standing up as well. "It was the least I could do. And I reckon you're fully awake now, right?"

"Maybe," drawls Zayn and he grins. "I'll still fall asleep though. Professor Johnson is bloody boring."

"Tosser."

"Bye, Liam."

"Bye, Zayn!" He leaves with a smile on his face and manages to stay awake the rest of the day.

When he finally stumbles home, smelling of coffee and overwhelmed with exhaustion once more, it's to a room full of people.

"Mum? What are you doing here?" He asks after a moment of staring.

"Malik, guess what! Our jar's finally full!" Louis yells, craning his neck to grin up at him. "Six months of watching our bloody tongues and we're ready to reap the benefits!" He throws a coin at Harry before he can tell him off.

"Okay, but what is my mum doing here?"

"Louis called me. I'm to take Ava for the night so you boys can have some fun," his mom tells him and pats his cheek.

"But—"

"No, hush. You haven't done anything fun in _so_ long and I haven't seen my granddaughter since August. Your sisters will be thrilled to have her."

"Are you sure?" he asks, hesitant as always. "I don't want you to feel like you have to."

Trisha snorts. "Please, I've been looking forward to this for days."

"Days?" He whirls around to glare at Louis. "You didn't tell me?"

Giving him a shrug and a smirk, he reaches up to pinch Zayn's nipples. "Lighten up. We figured you'd talk yourself out of it if we told you earlier."

"Surprise attacks always work better on you," Harry supplies from the corner, safely out of reach from Louis' sharp fingers. "Go take a nap and we'll wake you up in time to say goodbye."

Zayn turns to his mother with eyebrows raised. She nods and pushes him in the direction of the bedroom. "I've needed to do some shopping; I was just waiting for you to get back. Love you, dear."

"Love you, Mum," he mumbles back. He pauses to give the sleeping Ava a kiss and then tumbles into bed at last.

 

"Okay, babe, remember the plan," he dimly hears someone whisper before a heavy weight drops onto his chest. He lifts his head and is greeted by a sunny smile.

"Ava?" She squeals in response and topples forward, banging her head against Zayn's chin. He laughs and runs his fingers through her hair. "Good morning, love."

"Ava!" scolds Harry from the doorway. "That was most certainly _not_ the plan. She was supposed to pull your hair and shriek a little," he tells Zayn, who rolls his eyes.

"It's what you get for trying to strategise with a baby. 'Sides, you should know how cuddly she is after she's slept."

Ava giggles into his neck before pushing herself up.

"You're going to Nana's house to see your cousins. They're going to have the time of their life and so are you," says Zayn quietly. She tilts her head at him and he wonders how much she understood. Probably a lot; she's such a sharp child.

"And Baba's going to the pub," Harry adds as he scoops Ava up and pokes her belly. "He's going to get fantastically drunk and not have to worry about you at all tonight." She shrieks, wriggling away from his tickling hands, and Harry pouts. "Oh sure, _now_ you yell. Right when you're next to my ear and everything. Wonderful."

"What's wonderful?" Louis asks as they wander in.

"Harry tried to plan an attack using a one year old and was absolutely shocked when things did not go how he wanted."

Harry scowls, delicately untangling Ava from his hair. "It's only what she would've done anyway. 'S what she's doing now, ouch!"

"It's hard being her favourite, isn't it?" Louis says, completely unsympathetic, and heaves a dramatic sigh. "Oh, the burden of being the chosen one!"

"I swear, if you make another Harry Potter joke…"

"I wouldn't dream of it, Harold."

"Don't be silly, Louis. Harry can't be the Chosen One—" Zayn tells him.

"Thank you!"

"—the Chosen One's from Gryffindor and we all know Harry's a Hufflepuff."

"There's nothing wrong with being a Hufflepuff!" Harry protests over Louis' cackles. "Just because you're a Ravenclaw and a Slytherin doesn't mean there's anything wrong with it, bloody hell—"

"Language, Harry!" Louis crows and Harry scowls even more than before.

"When are we going to go?" he whines, looking at Zayn. "I'm ready to get plastered. Where's your mum?"

''I just woke up, how should I know? Besides, we've got to eat first." Zayn scrambles off the sofa and into the kitchen. There's a dish on the counter, just as he hoped. "Mum brought food! Shepherd's pie!"

"She's my favourite!"

"I'd better be, Tomlinson," Trisha says as she waltzes in. She coos a 'hello' at Ava, who looks at her with uncertainty.

"It's okay baby," says Zayn and she doesn't protest when Trisha takes her from Harry. "I'll go pack her overnight bag."

He doesn't have anything besides his school rucksack, so he puts her clothes and diapers in a plastic bag. As an afterthought, he throws in a few of her stuffed animals as well.

His mom clucks his tongue when he comes out, shaking her head. "Boys." But she stands up from the sofa and reaches for it. Zayn wraps his arms around her and squeezes for a moment.

"Thanks mum."

"Any time, darling. You have a good time, okay?" He nods as he steps back and picks up his daughter.

"Be good," he tells her before pressing a kiss to her head. She sighs a little, nuzzling into his touch. Reluctantly, he passes her to his mother.

"The first sleepover is always the hardest. I remember with Doniya…"

"Trisha, love, I hate to interrupt but the baby's eating your hair," Louis says, yawning. Zayn rushes to his mother's rescue.

"Ava, don't!"

"It's alright," Trisha says with a laugh. "I think that's my cue. Night, boys! Enjoy your dinner and don't drive drunk."

Louis gives her a salute as she leaves, Ava on her hip, and then whistles. "Alright, it's time to have some fun and make some memories, thanks to the swear jar and the bloody arsehole that is Harry Fucking Styles!"

Zayn lets out a cheer and Harry punches Louis in the arm, whining about him being mean. They crowd into the kitchen for the meal. Louis turns on one of those reality shows that he loves and the others pretend to hate, and they down sips of beer every time someone gets into a fight on screen

When it's late enough, they stumble out into the street, already pleasantly tipsy, and to one of the bars that is pulsing with life at this hour. Inside, it's loud and warm and chaotic but Zayn loves it. There's a steady hum under their feet that provides a nice accompaniment to the heavy music beating through the stereo.

The three of them manage to find a table and they squish in, cheeks flushed from the cold and the alcohol and the freedom.

"I'll get the first round," Louis announces and slips away to the bar. Harry is in the middle of telling some long and winding story when Zayn spots a familiar head of curly hair.

"Liam?" he calls and the boy spins around, his face breaking out into a big grin.

"Zayn!" Liam says and tugs on the sleeve of a boy next to him. The pair make their way to the table. "What're you doing here?"

"Lad's night out."

"Same. Oh! Um, this is Niall. Niall, this is Zayn and…"

"M'Harry," he says with a grin, waving at them.

"Niall's my flatmate."

"And best mate," Niall interjects and Harry's face lights up.

"You're Irish!"

"No shit." He narrows his eyes at him. "No leprechaun jokes."

Harry shakes his head and laughs. "I wouldn't do that to you. They make Harry Potter jokes all the time."

"Because you're the chosen one," Louis slurs, setting the drinks on the table and sliding into Zayn's lap. "Zayner, you look so pretty tonight."

"Thanks, babe." He pats his cheek and Louis smiles dopily at him, craning his head to gaze up at Liam and Niall.

"Who're you?"

"Niall Horan."

"I'm Liam Payne."

"Lime?"

"No, Louis. He's Liam," Zayn says with a sigh. Liam laughs.

"Lime."

"Liam."

"Lim—"

"This persistent little shit is Louis," Zayn tells the table as he shoves him off his lap and into the booth. "Ignore him, he's a bit silly when he's drunk." Niall laughs and ruffles Liam's hair. Louis pinches Zayn.

"M'not. Swear jar."

"You left the swear jar at home, remember?" Harry says and Louis frowns. "You said it 'hindered your ability to have fun'."

"Don't care, swear jar." He holds out his palm and looks at Zayn. With a sigh, Zayn drops a coin into Louis' hand.

"Tosser."

"You love me," he tells him smugly and wriggles out from the booth. "I'm going to go dance." And as quickly as he came, Louis is gone, leaving confusion in his wake. Liam rubs at the back of his neck, smiling at Zayn.

"He's… something."

Harry chortles, shaking his curls out of his eyes. "Louis is a hurricane on his worst days."

"Too poetic, mate," Niall says with a roll of the eyes. "Keep it simple for the common folk."

"I like you. I think we'll keep you," Harry says and Niall beams. Zayn swallows a large gulp of his drink. Liam looks a little dazed.

"You okay?" Zayn says and nudges him with his foot. Liam shakes his head once, like he's clearing it, and shrugs.

"I think the music's getting to me."

"Oh. You wanna dance?" He asks, ignoring Harry's hurt look. There's alcohol fizzing in his blood and the beat's thrumming in his bones and he just wants to move.

"Um," says Liam, looking a little startled. "I guess?"

"A+ for enthusiasm," Zayn says as he stands. "You might want to rein it in a little." Liam flushes as he follows him to the dance floor. It's packed with people, enough that Zayn can feel them on all sides and it's oddly comforting. He's not alone in the world, he's part of something larger than himself.

He probably should feel embarrassed, because he can't dance at all, but Liam is so enthusiastic and crazy that he doesn't. He just lets himself go and be a normal nineteen year old for the first time in a while.

Minutes or hours later, he slides from the throng towards the bar. His back is sticky with sweat and each breath feels like sandpaper against his parched throat. He coughs once to get the grit out of his mouth and orders a beer.

"Shit," he says, patting his pockets. "I don't have my wallet—"

"I'll pay for you," Liam says and it takes a minute for Zayn's eyes to focus on him.

"No, you've already paid, like."

"You can pay me back later. I'll have a beer too?" The bartender nods and pulls two mugs from under the counter.

"Louis has the money and I don't know where he is."

"He's in the middle of the dance floor."

Zayn sighs. "Typical Tommo. He's—"

"Like a hurricane on his best days?"

"You did not," Zayn says, levelling a glare at him, "just quote Harry Styles' attempt at being deep at me."

"Oops?"

"I am not drunk enough for this." Right on cue, his beer is placed in front of him. "Cheers."

 

They wind up leaving together, the five of them, feeling the rush of adrenaline and alcohol and chilly November air that makes one feel invincible. Louis keeps drifting to one side and being tugged back by Niall, who yells random sentences in Spanish at the odd passerby. After some whining, Louis jumps on his back and locks his limbs in place.

"Yip yip," he says stubbornly and kicks Niall when he doesn't move.

"Why should I carry you, you idiot?"

"Because m'your friend."

"We just met, I feel like this's moving a little fast."

"I move into relationships really fast, don't I, Zayner?" he yells, pinching Niall's chest in an attempt to find his nipples. Niall squeaks and bites at Louis' arm in retaliation.

"Right!" Zayn calls back, grinning at Liam's rolled eyes.

"M'like made of lightning," Louis says and it must jog something in Harry's memory, because soon he's singing a song no one else knows and dancing wildly.

"You throw some crazy shapes when you're drunk," Liam says when he nearly gets hit by a gangly limb.

"I don't have to be drunk to throw crazy shapes, Liam," he slurs, looking rather offended. Liam laughs and throws an arm around his shoulder.

"I'll believe it when I see it."

Zayn's too drunk to analyse the prickle of warmth in his chest when he sees Liam and Harry walking side by side, or Niall giving Louis a piggyback ride and screeching together, but it makes him feel warmer than he already is. Harry pulls at him until he's plastered against his side, shoulder being tickled by Liam's hand.

"I can't believe I just met you. You're like my best friend, Liam. That's a pretty name. Leeeyummmmm," Harry drawls the words out and presses a kiss to his cheek with absolutely no shame. Liam blushes a little but doesn't move away. "Zayner, do you think it's a pretty name?"

"Sure, Hazza."

"Say it with me. Leeyyummmm."

"Leeyum."

"There you go, Zayn!"

"This night is the craic!" bellows Niall. He spins in a circle that loosens Louis' grip and Louis gets off, glaring. "I really like this!"

That prompts Harry to start singing again, and he shrugs off Liam's arm. Niall joins in with Harry's song and they break into synchronised dance moves that mostly consist of awkward hopping and flailing.

"Spin me, Niall!" Harry orders and Niall complies, twirling him around and trying to dip him. Neither is coordinated enough, even sober, to make this successful and they both go down.

"Harry, are you okay? Did you hit your head?" Liam asks in between giggles.

"No, my hair cushioned it."

"It's a sign you need a haircut," Louis insists, draping himself over Zayn. "You really, really need a haircut."

"Niall, are you okay?" Liam repeats and Niall grins up at him.

"Yeah, Harry cushioned me." That makes Harry laugh and Niall pokes him. "You'd make a bad cushion."

"Would not!"

"You're too wiggly," he says crossly, picking himself up with Liam's help. "You'd make me sick. You're making me sick."

"If you're going to be sick, please tell me so that I can duck."

"Swear it on me life," he pledges and promptly vomits. The boys react with various degrees of disgust, from Louis' squealing and hiding behind Zayn, to Liam's roll of the eyes.

"Everytime, Niall."

"M'sorry," he tells him with a devastated look. Liam sighs and shakes his head.

"Don't pout at me, you know I can't be mad at you when you do." Zayn thinks that rather ironic, seeing as Liam's pout (combined with those puppy dog eyes and curls) would be impossible to withstand.

"Just don't look at him," advises Louis and _shit_ Zayn hadn't meant to say that out loud. "If you ever have to make him sad look anywhere but at him. I have sisters, I know how this is." He glances down at Louis tucked into his side and laughs once.

"I'll keep that in mind."

They arrive at their building, somehow managing to climb three sets of stairs, and pour into the flat. Niall collapses on the sofa, snoring not a minute later.

"Oh hey, we're home." Harry says, pleasantly surprised.

"You don't live here, Hazza. M 'n Louis do."

"Yeah but, like, _you_ _'_ _re_ my home. So I live here too."

"Whatever you say." Harry grins at him and waves goodnight, wandering in the direction of Zayn's room. "Dammit, Harry do not fall asleep in my bed!"

"Night." He hears the sound of clothes hitting the floor and sighs, all hope lost. Harry won't move now, they know from experience.

"He always does that when he drinks. Right. You want to stay the night?" he asks Liam, who is standing awkwardly in the middle of the room.

"I couldn't—"

"Nah, it's okay. Look, Niall's already passed out and Harry stays all the time. S'cool."

Liam frowns for a minute before sighing. "Fine."

"Good. I won't make you sleep with Louis; he kicks. Louis," he whispers, poking at the prone boy on the floor. "Go sleep with Harry."

"Don't wanna."

"He's in my bed, Louis. Go sleep."

"You're the only one I want to sleep with," whines Louis and pouts. Zayn chuckles.

"Next time, babe." Louis groans and hauls himself up before shuffling to the bedroom. Zayn turns to Liam with an apologetic smile. "You can have his room. Sorry in advance for the mess."

"Where're you going to sleep?"

"The floor, apparently," he says, scrubbing at his eyes. He's too tired for this.

"—if that's okay with you?"

"Sorry, what? Didn't catch that."

Liam, strangely, blushes a bright red and scratches his neck. "Um, you could sleep with me?" Zayn raises an eyebrow, suppressing a smile. Blanching, Liam shakes his head wildly. "Oh god, not like that— I didn't mean— just so you wouldn't have to sleep on the floor in your own home, yeah?"

"That sounds nice, Leeyum," Zayn reassures him, laughing. "Just don't try anything, yeah?" Liam flushes again and ducks his head.

"On second thought, I think I'll just go—"

Zayn rolls his eyes and grabs his arm, dragging him into the room. They collapse on the blankets, still mostly dressed, and Zayn falls asleep almost instantly.

 

He's woken in the morning by an indignant shout that only Louis could create.

"Why is there a strange man on our sofa?!" There's the sound of shuffling and he bursts into his room, screeching in horror. "Why is there a strange man in my bed?!"

Zayn groans, squinting his eyes against the harsh sunlight and wishing his headache would go away.

"Louis—"

"ZAYN MALIK, DID YOU HAVE SEX IN MY BED?"

" _Hush,_ Louis," he says crossly, sitting up. Liam does the same, looking a little terrified. "We didn't do anything, we were just asleep. Calm down."

"I will bloody not calm down! I woke up this morning with Harry's gangly limbs all over me and a strange blond man asleep in the living room and you and your one night stand _in my bed_. I have a right to be upset."

"We didn't—" Liam tries, but Louis will have none of it.

"Tell me what is going on!"

"Stop yelling!" Zayn snaps, not enjoying the way the world is swirling. "Niall and Liam stayed the night after partying with us last night. That's all."

"But why are you—"

"Because Harry took my bed and I wasn't going to let our guest sleep with you cause you are a bloody awful person to share with."

"Am not."

"You punched me in the face once."

"Yeah, but I was asleep so it doesn't count."

"That's my _point,_ you were _asleep_ , and—oh, forget it."

"I'm so sorry," Liam says, apparently deciding it was safe to speak. "I didn't want to cause any trouble."

"You're fine mate. Louis's just a drama queen."

"Am not!"

"Seeing as you just threw a fit, I'd say you were."

"Are you quite finished? Cause Harry's making breakfast and I need a shower." Without waiting for an answer, Louis grabs articles of clothing off the floor and stomps off. Knowing he won't get more sleep with everyone up, Zayn stands and figures he might as well help with breakfast.

Harry slides him a cup of coffee and he grunts his thanks.

"Go sit in the living room; I don't need your help."

"I make good pancakes!"

"You make lumpy ones and m'not even making pancakes. They're crepes. 'Sides, Niall's gonna help me."

"I'm ace at flipping," chimes in Niall. He's perched on the counter with his legs swinging and a cheerful look on his face. "Also, gotta earn my keep."

"More like butter them up before you eat all their food," Liam grumbles.

"It's not my fault I have a ridiculously fast metabolism."

"You have a bottomless pit of a stomach, that's what you have."

Niall doesn't bother arguing, just flashes a cheeky grin at him. Zayn frowns into his cup; it's already empty and his head is nowhere near tolerable. He pours himself another and reaches for a cigarette. Cracking the window, he lights it and blows the smoke outside. It tamps down the vague nausea and stops his mind from spinning a little.

"Thought you quit," Louis comments as he walks back in, drying his hair with a towel.

"Quitting," Zayn shoots back and Louis rolls his eyes. "I am quit _ting._ "

"And I'm David Beckham."

Zayn winks at him. "How's Posh Spice doing?"

"Sod off," he says fondly, smacking a kiss to his cheek. "So I was thinking in the shower," he whirls around, startling Zayn with the sudden movement, "—shut it, Harry, I know what you're about to say— and I've decided I remember them."

"Of course," Zayn mutters. He flips him off and continues with his revelation.

"You're Lemon Point and you're Nail."

"Close," says Harry with a laugh. "Lemon Point's a step up from Lime, don't you think?"

"Still citrus and still not my name."

Louis points at Niall, ignoring the other three. "You beat me in a drinking competition last night."

"S'not my fault you're a lightweight."

"I am deeply offended by that, Nail. I bloody am not."

"Whatever you say, mate." Niall shrugs, grabbing a spatula and attempting to flip the crepe like Harry had been doing. It falls out of the pan and onto the floor. Niall stares at it for a minute before turning to Harry, confused. "How do you do it? It shouldn't be that hard?"

"You've got to have some talent."

"Hey, I'm a regular Jamie Oliver. I think your spatula's defective."

"Sure, Niall."

"How are you all not hungover right now?" demands Louis as he glares at the blonde. "You too! And you!"

"I had herbal tea this morning," Harry says mildly and Louis looks downright disgusted.

"I'm Irish."

"I didn't really drink all that much, honestly." And now that Zayn's thinking about it, he didn't see Liam downing any shots or sipping on fruity cocktails. He just had one, maybe two pints?

"Interesting," he murmurs, waving off Liam's inquisitive look. The sounds of a fight draws his attention to the other boys.

"If I'm suffering, so will everyone else," says Louis as he dumps a cup of water over Niall's head. "Especially Irish idiots who are too bloody cheerful in the morning."

"Eejit!" he squawks, but he's laughing so Louis doesn't take the comment to heart. "Is this how you treat all your guests?"

"Nah," Harry drawls, expertly flipping a crepe onto the stack, "it's how he treats his friends, though."

Louis snorts. "Welcome to the family."

 

Liam's avoiding him. Zayn's not sure how he can tell, seeing as Liam's not ducking behind walls and he's only talked to the boy _twice_ , but he just can. And it's weird. Zayn doesn't want it to be weird.

He drops down next to Liam after class ends, making him jump, and offers a lazy smirk. "You wanna go for coffee? I'll pay this time."

"Um.."

"Aw, c'mon Leeyum. I reckon you need a treat after that dull lecture. I know I do."

"Yeah, sure," he says with a sigh.

"Sick. I owe you a few quid for the other night, anyway."

They walk to the coffee shop in relative silence, Zayn humming under his breath and Liam singing the words every once in a while."

"Cappuccino and an _es_ presso, please," he says, winking at Liam who pulls a face.

"Are you ever going to let me forget that?"

"Nah, don't think so. It's—"

"Zayn!" someone calls and he turns around. Eleanor waves at him, Ava perched on her hip. For a moment, Zayn thinks about shooing her away, but pushes the thought out of his head instantly. Liam'll find out about Ava sooner or later. Might as well be after Zayn's paid for his coffee.

"Hey, El," he says as the two girls walk over.

"Baba," Ava squeaks, nearly pitching herself forward in an attempt to reach him. He laughs and pulls her from Eleanor's grasp, giving her a hug.

"Hey baby. How are you today?" She smiles softly at him around her thumb, curling her other hand into his shirt.

"Louis was studying for a test and kept getting distracted. Ava needed some fresh air, so I took her for him." She raises her eyebrows at Zayn, tilting her head in Liam's direction. Zayn rolls his eyes but makes the necessary introductions.

"And this is Ava," he says, turning so she could see him. Liam smiles at her and she hides her face against Zayn's chest. He chuckles, rubbing her back with his free hand.

"She's beautiful," Liam says earnestly, glancing up at them with wide eyes.

"That's not really that much of a surprise, honestly. With Zayn's genetics and all," Eleanor teases, trying to ruffle his hair with her fingers. He dodges out of the way with a glare that she clearly does not take seriously.

The barista calls out their order and Zayn hands Ava back to Eleanor. "See you later this afternoon, yeah? Do you have class?"

"Cancelled today. It's why I was at your apartment so early, actually."

"Thanks, El." He gives her a hug and pecks Ava on the cheek. "Have a good day."

"Oh we will. Girl's afternoon, right Ave? Nice to meet you, Liam!" He waves and grabs his coffee, following Zayn to an empty table. They sit in silence for a moment.

"So you and Louis have a daughter, then?" Liam ventures finally. Zayn stares at him.

"Sorry, what? No, Ava's mine. Unless you know something I don't and El's pregnant…"

"But—" he cuts himself off, going red. Zayn nudges him with his foot and watches expectantly. With a sigh, he tries again. "Aren't you and… and Louis…" he waves his hands around vaguely, "like… you know? Dating?"

"Me? And _Louis?_ _"_ Zayn bursts into laughter and Liam goes redder. "Are you serious?"

"I mean, he did give you a kiss and you call him babe and you live together…"

"Liam, Louis and _Eleanor_ are dating. We just live together. He's my flatmate.. And best mate, but don't tell him I said that."

"But he kissed you."

Zayn shrugs, still laughing. "Louis' is just really affectionate, I guess. You get used to it, like. Harry's the same way." Liam hums, staring down at the table. "Is that why you were avoiding me?"

"I wasn't! Not much. Louis was so upset and I thought he must be jealous or mad at me for, like, sleeping in the same bed as you?"

"Nah, Louis is just a wanker when he's hungover. Or drunk. Or all of the time, really. He liked you, promise."

Liam looks dubious and Zayn taps his hand that's lying on the table. "I'll prove it to you. You can come over tonight, yeah? We'll just chill or something. Play FIFA. Watch a movie, but it'll have to be Disney if it's before Ava goes to bed. She sleeps badly enough without scary things to keep her up."

"As long as it's not _Toy Story._ "

"Do you not like that one?"

"No, I do," says Liam with a grim expression, "but it makes me cry and I'd rather not bawl in front of your friends just yet."

"We'll put on _Hachi_ and they'll both be in tears within minutes."

"Is that that dog movie?"

"Yes."

"No, let's not. I'm not willing to save face if that's the price."

"I think Louis's probably banned it, to be honest. I think we're all safe." They lapse into comfortable silence, Zayn tapping on his cup with a finger.

"Did you get that tattoo for Ava?" Liam blurts out and he cocks an eyebrow. Pointing at the bird on his hand, he continues, "Ava means 'bird', right? So was that for her?"

"Not consciously." Liam raises his eyebrows, silently asking him to continue, but Zayn doesn't feel like explaining Perrie just yet. "I'll tell you some other time. It's a long story and I've got to go to class."

"Okay?"

"I can text you the address, yeah? Here." He grabs a pen from his back and pushes Liam's sleeve up, scrawling his phone number on his arm. "Text me so I have your number and then come around whenever?"

"Sure," Liam says with wide eyes. He gingerly holds his arm out from his body, as if he was afraid to smudge the numbers. "Have a good class."

"Thanks, babe." And then away Zayn goes, feeling quite warm despite the chill in the air and already looking forward to tonight.

He snorts when he reads the text message he gets a few minutes later.

_heyyyyyyy its liam :))))) this is zayn rite?_

_**Yeah, it** _ _**'** _ _**s me x** _

_ok good cuz like i read ur number wrong and some1 sent me a nasty msg back :((((_

_apperently i cant read numbers upside down_

_**That** _ _**'** _ _**s a vital life skill, liam. You might need that in life aha :) x** _

_i kno. i shud work on it some more._

_**All of us have flaws, mate.** _

_prettiness is not a flaw zayn lolllll_

_**Are u seriously calling me pretty?** _

_plz zayn uve got cheekbones that can cut glass :))))_

_**You text like your twelve xx :)** _

_ruuuuddeee :((((_

_r u going to send me ur address or not?_

Zayn taps out his flat number to Liam, still laughing at his dismal texting skills.

 

"Louis, Zayn's here and I'm leaving." Eleanor says as he walks into the flat. She smiles at him and grabs her coat.

"You can stay, you know."

She pulls a face. "I'd love to, but I've got a meeting I need to get to. Thank you for the offer, though."

"Any time."

"Love you babe!" she calls, chucking at Louis' answering groan. He's lying face down on the sofa with books stacked high on the floor next to him. Ava's crawling around them, nudging at one stack and nearly toppling it over.

"You okay, mate?"

"Shakespeare can go to hell. Who cares if the world's a stage?"

"You do. You're an actor, remember?"

"Which is why I should not be studying bloody sonnets. I want to act out Shakespeare, not read it!" He groans again as he wriggles around onto his back. "What's wrong with you?"

"Thank you for that, Lou," he says sarcastically, nudging Louis' legs so he can sit down on the sofa.

"No, I mean you've got your sad, pouty look on. Spill."

"You are not American and we are not in the middle of a rom-com _._ I will not 'spill'." Louis's only response is to poke Zayn in the cheek with a foot. "Gross."

"Spill or I'll do it again," he warns, waving his toes in the air.

"Would it be unfair if I dated again?"

Louis stills for once and then sits up in one smooth motion, pulling Zayn into a hug. "Unfair to who?"

"I dunno. Perrie?"

"Bro, Perrie walked straight out of your life without a second glance. Nothing you do is going to be more unfair than that."

He squints at his best friend. "I don't think it works that way?"

Louis is unconcerned. "Just go with it."

Zayn sighs and scoops up Ava, sitting her his lap and playing with her hair. Louis hums under his breath but doesn't speak.

"Unfair to Ava."

"Hmm?"

"Would me dating people be unfair to Ava? Like to have people walk in and out of her life… I don't want to do that to her."

"My mom dated after I was born and look at me now."

"Bro, that doesn't really give me any confidence with this."

"Douche," he says mildly, pinching Zayn. Ava squeals at Zayn's wince but babbles to herself quietly. "I think you're a good father and also not the type to do that. You fall hard, mate. Don't think you could even _do_ sleeping around, honestly."

"Should I be offended?"

"Nah, relationships are ace. The—" Zayn hurriedly puts his hand over Louis' mouth and sends him a warning look.

"If you talk about S-E-X in front of my daughter, Louis Tomlinson, I swear…"

Louis licks his palm—a trick picked up from Harry, no doubt— and it says something about their friendship that Zayn isn't even phased, just wipes his hand on his trousers. "Our daughter."

"What?"

"I live here and take care of her half the time. She's our daughter."

"Sure, Louis. Don't think El would be pretty pleased to hear that, like."

"She loves the baby." He pokes Ava gently in the belly until she's giggling and squirming away. "She can be the stepmother or something."

"D'you know Liam thought we were in a relationship?"

"That's honestly the vilest thing I've ever heard."

"I know."

"Although, with your cheekbones and my bum, we'd practically be unstoppable. Alas, as the Bard lamented, the odds were not in our favour."

"Do not try and pass off _The Hunger Games_ as Shakespeare."

Louis glares at him, unimpressed. "Curse your well-read-ness."

"Don't mess with a Literature student, mate." Ava wriggles until she's hanging off the side of the sofa and lowers herself until she's standing. She pounds happily on the cushion, narrowly missing Louis' knee, and watches them.

"Liam's coming over tonight, by the way." Louis pulls back far enough to be able to look Zayn straight in the eye.

"Oh, is he now?"

"Yeah. D'you have a problem with that?"

"Not at all. Just interesting." He grins and Zayn recognises that smirk.

"Do not embarrass me." Louis' smirk grows bigger. "I'm inviting Harry too; maybe he can keep you appropriate.

Louis waits until he's sent the text and received a confirmation to speak. "Like Harry's going to calm me down. Please, he'll be making worse jokes than me. Tell him to bring some bananas or something."

"Sh—shoot."

 _**Hey do u have Niall** _ _**'** _ _**s number ?** _

_Yeah -H xx_

If Liam texts like he's twelve, Harry is a forty year old aunt perpetually stuck in a 'calming zen' mode.

 _**Liam** _ _**'** _ _**s coming over tonight. see if he wants to come too.** _

_Oops I actually don_ _'_ _t have Niall_ _'_ _s number sorry -H xx_

_Maybe Liam does -H xx_

_I mean, you have his number, right? -H xx_

_**How did you know that ?** _

_Didn_ _'_ _t. you just confirmed it also Louis owes me five quid -H xx_

"Seriously, Louis? You bet on me? And lost?" Louis shrugs, completely unrepentant, and drops his phone onto his chest.

"The swear jar needs to have a start _somewhere_. Also, I can't back down from a bet, you know this."

"Wankers."

 _**Hey liam it** _ _**'** _ _**s zayn ! just wanted to invite Niall along too. Harry** _ _**'** _ _**s coming over and we** _ _**'** _ _**ll have pizza or something aha ! x** _

_okkk cool thanks. we_ _'_ _ll be there sooooon!_

_niall eats a lotttt so you mite want 2 order him his own pizza hahahaha_

"You know you get a stupid little smile on your face when you text him."

"You know that you're an absolute git."

 _**Cool i** _ _**'** _ _**ll tell harry ! x** _

"Yeah, but at least I can control myself around cute humans."

"Need I remind you of the first time you and El met, or your first date, or when you met her _dad,_ oh my god."

Louis goes pink and hits him upside the head with a pillow. "You can shut your big mouth, thank you very much! And throwing insults at me does nothing to disguise the fact that you like Lemon Point."

"Will you stop calling him that?"

"When he doesn't break your heart, then I will stop. Don't change the subject."

"Louis, he's not going to break my heart because you're wrong and also there's no subject to change." He sighs and grabs Ava, taking her into the bedroom.

"Where are you going?"

"Someone's got to change her diaper, don't they?"

"I don't appreciate the diversionary tactics!"

Zayn pokes his head back into the room to level a glare at him. "Ava's not a diversionary tactic and there's nothing to avoid. So there."

"Denial's the first step in admitting you like someone."

"Pretty sure that's not how the saying goes."

"Prick!"

"Tosser!"

"Eejit!"

"Stealing Niall's insults doesn't give you bonus points." He chuckles at Louis' growl of frustration and Ava grins along with him.

Harry shows up an hour later with a stack of pizza boxes, a few bottles of Coca Cola and a bunch of bananas.

"Don't you think that five pizzas is a little excessive?" Louis asks when he sets everything down on the counter. "We all don't need our own."

"Niall'll will eat one by himself, no problem. And I reckon you two will make a few meals out of the leftovers, so I'm doing you a favour, really."

"What're the bananas for?"

"Don't know; Louis told me to bring them."

The horrible thoughts Zayn's having about it must show on his face because the other two both laugh.

"Don't worry, babe. They're for Ava."

"Seriously?"

"We're out of baby food and I was too lazy to pick more up."

"So you made me do it instead?" Harry whines and Louis roll his eyes.

"Are you honestly going to tell me that you did not have those bananas already?"

Harry folds his arms across his chest and pouts, effectively answering him. "It's the principle of it all."

"Sure, Styles."

Whatever Harry's about to say is interrupted by a knocking on the door. Zayn leaves the two to their bickering and goes to answer it.

"Erm…" he says eloquently, staring. Liam shuffles from foot to foot and taps on his leg.

"Hi."

"Your hair…?"

"Is that a baby?" Niall shouts and Zayn jumps. He hadn't realised he was here. Niall pushes past them and goes into the flat, kneeling by Ava. "I'm not so good with babies. She's a bird though, so I should be fine." He winks at Harry when he laughs.

"Um, yeah." Liam laughs, but it's more of an exhale than a laugh, and runs a hand over his shorn hair.

"Are you two going to stand there all day or are you planning on coming in?" complains Harry and Louis adds his own. "Shut the door, it's bloody freezing."

It shocks Zayn out of his surprise and he stands aside so Liam can get in, muttering a vague apology.

"What's with the haircut, Liam?" Louis says instead of a greeting.

"I figured I needed a change. Plus it was getting long and I was feeling reckless."

"Why were you feeling reckless?" Harry asks.

"Also, you felt like doing something reckless and you cut your hair?" Louis rolls his eyes. "What a daredevil."

Liam frowns and rubs at his head again. "Dunno why. Just felt like it." Harry elbows Louis in the side when he opens his mouth.

"Can someone introduce me to the child?" Niall says, breaking the slightly awkward silence.

Zayn shakes his head to clear it. "Right, she's my daughter, Ava."

" _Our_ _—_ "

"She is my daughter who Louis apparently has decided to have joint custody of, despite having a girlfriend of his own," Zayn amends in a bored tone, but Louis looks pleased.

"Oi, she's my daughter too!"

"Sorry, you don't get to have custody if you don't pay the rent." Louis tells Harry with a pat on the head. "Even if you're here often enough that you probably should."

Harry moves Louis's hand off his head and onto the sofa. "S'not my fault I have a crap flatmate. You guys are more fun."

"Thank you, Harold," Louis says, ruffling up Harry's hair for good measure. Harry glares and mouths an insult that he can't say aloud.

Niall clears his throat pointedly and waggles his eyebrows.

"Ava's a year and a half. She likes pulling hair so be careful of that," Zayn says with a laugh. "And um, you can sit down Liam."

Louis pats the cushion next to him and Liam goes to perch on it, looking only a little startled when Louis slings an arm around his shoulder.

"Join us, Zayn," he demands, and Zayn does, squeezing in next to Liam. Liam turns to smile hesitantly at him and Zayn smiles back, noting the worried look in his eye.

"Everything's fine babe," he whispers soothingly. "They like you, I promise." Liam nods and bites his lip, catching his attention. His teeth worry his own lip when he catches himself.

Niall is still sprawled out on the floor, watching the baby with a fascinated sort of look.

"She's tiny. How do you guys not accidentally break her?"

Liam snorts. "She's a human being, Niall, not a doll."

"Yeah but—" Ava starts to fuss, effectively cutting him off. Niall snaps his head up to look at Zayn. "Shit, what did I do?"

"Don't swear in front of her, first of all—"

"We're trying to promote a healthy and positive atmosphere for her to grow up in."

"Harry, shut up. She's likely hungry or something. I'll go feed her dinner." Zayn picks her up and plops her into the high chair in the kitchen, handing her a set of fake keys to keep her entertained. Chopping up a banana, he drops them onto her tray and pulls out a chair.

"Gotta watch her, like," he says when Liam wanders in. "She might choke."

"No, I understand. Thought I'd keep you company." Ava glances up at him and whimpers a little bit. "I don't think she likes me."

"She liked you this afternoon." Zayn frowns as Ava's cries get a little louder. Liam sits down in a chair out of her line of sight and she calms down a bit. "See?"

"Maybe she's just frightened? You look intimidating with that haircut."

"Really?" Liam's voice is flat and his fingers tap the table. They're so close to Zayn's, so close. He could reach over and put his hand on Liam's without moving much. He almost does, his pinky twitches in that direction. "My girlfriend broke up with me a month ago," Liam says and Zayn's body goes still.

Girlfriend. Ah.

"She came round this afternoon and wanted to get back together or something. I told her no and then I shaved my head."

"You don't have to explain it to me."

Liam smiles. "I want to."

"Why'd she want you back? I mean she's crazy for breaking up with you, but why'd she change her mind?"

"Said she made a mistake and she'd like another go."

"Oh?"

"And I realised that even though I was gutted for a while after she left, I still was happier without her. But I needed to remind myself of that and then this happened." He gestures to his head and Zayn laughs half-heartedly, focusing on Ava. She's doing really well; there's not _too_ much banana mashed into her hair. Zayn'll take that as a victory.

He gets up from the table and goes to boil water. "Tea?"

"Yeah, sure."

"Yorkshire okay? It's the only thing Louis'll let me buy."

Liam wrinkles his nose. "Really? I mean, it's fine, but the _only_ thing?"

"Yeah he chucks the rest in the bin when I'm not at home. I have to hide it in my bedroom if I buy anything special."

"Why?"

"The boy's ridiculously dedicated to his roots."

He pulls out two cups and a bottle, the tea and the baby formula. His hands almost moving on autopilot, he measures out the correct amount of formula and pours it into the bottle. He drops a couple of teabags into a teapot and grabs the milk and sugar, catching the kettle as it just starts to whistle.

"Nice routine."

Zayn grins over his shoulder at him. "You will not _believe_ how many times I accidentally mixed formula into my tea in the middle of the night. It's not too bad, actually."

"Interesting. I think I'll stick with regular cow's milk, thank you!"

"Suit yourself." He hands the bottle to Ava and the cup to Liam, taking his own to the living room.

"You made tea and didn't tell me?" Louis says, outraged. Zayn clicks his tongue as he goes back for the baby. "You're an adult. Do it yourself."

Harry volunteers to bring him a cup and Louis groans. "I swear, if you make me some more of that detoxing herbal crap I will pour it on your head." Harry sits back down and claims Ava instead.

"That was _one_ time, and you were literally vibrating from the caffeine," Harry sputters and Louis flicks him on the nose.

"I also was sick in the toilet that night."

"Because you were _literally vibrating from the caffeine_ and decided to go for fish and chips after at the sketchiest shop— how dare you blame my tea, honestly."

"Are they dating?" Liam whispers to Zayn, his mouth unnervingly close. Zayn's lips twist up into a smile and he shakes his head.

"They're just idiots."

"Better not be talking about me, Malik," says Louis and Liam frowns.

"How did you—"

"Louis has a sixth sense for when people are talking about him," Harry explains, sighing. "It makes life very difficult. He's ruined birthday party plans on several occasions."

Niall stretches and flops onto his back, grinning up at the five of them. "That's creepy as fuck, mate."

Harry hisses and puts his hands over Ava's ears. "Language, Niall. There is a child in the room."

"Shit, I'm sorry. Shit! The baby's making me nervous."

"Nice," comments Liam, sticking his foot in Niall's face. Niall gags and pushes him away, trying to land a slap on his calf. Liam jerks out of the way and elbows Louis, jostling his arm as he goes to take a sip of Zayn's stolen tea.

"Not cool, mate." With that as the only warning, he launches himself at Liam and knocks him onto the floor. The two scuffle as Niall rolls away, desperately trying not get hit.

"Children," Harry says primly and is kicked in the shin for his comment. He hands Ava over to Niall— who instantly looks terrified— and joins the boys on the ground.

"Zayn," Niall panics, "I can't hold her. She'll break." Zayn laughs and tucks his hands behind his back, smiling at the two. "Can they sense fear?"

"Probably. It probably makes them more dangerous." Niall blanches and Ava laughs, stretching up to pat at his face.

"What's going on?"

"She's calculating how exactly she's going to strangle you," Zayn answers solemnly. Ava puts her fingers in Niall's mouth. "Don't bite her."

"Truce!" Harry huffs out, sounding breathless. Zayn peers over the side of the sofa to see the three at an impasse. Perched on Harry's chest is Louis, who is trapped in a headlock by Liam, who is grinning wildly. Liam lets go immediately, scooting away from the two, but Louis does nothing of the sort. "Can't breathe, Lou."

"If you're talking, you're breathing."

"Gerroff."

"No, I won't," he decides, wriggling a bit. Harry sends Liam a pleading glance and Liam fists a hand in Louis' shirt, dragging him gently backwards.

"That was uncalled for, Payno."

"Payno? Really?"

"Don't insult my nicknames. It's that or Lime." He wraps an arm around Liam's head and rubs his knuckles into his skull, holding on despite the fight Liam puts up. Rolling his eyes, Zayn dislodges Louis with a well-placed shove.

"Stop being a little shit and say goodnight to the baby."

"Is it her bedtime?"

"Past, but she was too busy winding Niall up."

Niall glances up from where Ava is pulling at his fingers and frowns. "I am not wound up."

"Whatever, babe." Zayn flicks him on the ear as he settles Ava on his hip. "Say goodnight."

Niall and Liam wave, Harry blows a kiss, Louis coos. Zayn drops a kiss onto her forehead as he sets her down in her crib, smoothing her favourite blanket over her body.

"Sweet dreams, baby." She snuffles, sticking her thumb in her mouth, and blinks at him sleepily. Humming quietly, he watches as her eyelids droop and finally close, her breathing evening out until he's sure she's asleep.

Liam and Harry are lounging on the sofa, providing commentary around bites of pizza for the video game Louis and Niall are playing. There's a box open by Niall, with three slices gone, save for their crusts scattered around. Without taking his eyes off the screen, Louis reaches back and snags a slice from the box on Harry's lap and shoves almost all of it into his mouth.

"Disgusting," Harry says, wrinkling his nose.

"Impressive," Niall says, fingers flying across the controller.

"Barbaric," Zayn says, shuddering when Louis shows him the chewed food. Liam just laughs and tells him to close his mouth.

 

The next week, he comes home to see Harry and Louis and Niall all in a pile, with Liam walking around with an uncertain Ava.

"What?"

"Nialler and Payno followed me home," Harry offers as explanation.

"I resent that. I am not a dog!" Niall says, rolling his eyes.

"You'll eat anything and you wee yourself when you're excited. I'd say you're pretty much a puppy."

Niall glares at Louis and punches his arm. "Tosser."

"Dang flab it Jackson Rod Stewart, that _hurt_."

"Sorry, what was that?" Liam asks, looking torn between laughter and confusion.

"You get really creative with insults and Louis watches too much _Hannah Montana,_ " Zayn tells him.

"I do not!"

"Explain that, then."

" _Hannah Montana_ was a masterpiece," Louis sniffs and he stands. "I will not ridiculed for my taste in television, especially from someone who considers _Masterchef_ a riveting programme."

"You used to be a baker, we know," Zayn says before Harry can, earning him a glare. "You don't have to say that _every_ time we talk about cooking. We won't forget anytime soon."

"Do you lot have anything stronger than soda?" asks Niall as Louis walks back in the room with a glass of Cola.

"No alcohol if the baby's in the house," he answers and Niall's eyebrows fly up.

"No swearing and no beer? Seriously?" The three boys nod and Niall lets it go with only a "how do you lot have fun?"

"We read books. You should try it sometime," Harry tells him primly and gets shoved onto the floor for his trouble. When Louis tries to step on him, he grabs his ankle and tickles the bottom of his foot. Louis shrieks and topples over on top of him, landing hard enough to make them both get a little breathless.

Ava crawls over and pokes Harry's face and then Louis' nose.

"Contain your child, Malik," Louis says and Zayn quirks an eyebrow at him.

"I thought she was your daughter too?"

"She's yours when she's causing trouble," he explains, wincing when Ava hits his eye.

"I'm pretty sure she gets it all from you, Louis," says Liam mildly and earns himself a slap from Louis. Zayn gives him a fist bump and snickers.

"Liam tells it like it is," he says when Louis throws him an affronted look.

 

Zayn had been surprised when Louis moved in and threw away all his alcohol and weed.

"Don't wanna do that shit in the same flat Ava's in," he had said and refused to reconsider. "I'm going to be responsible about this. I don't want her to ever be scared of me. Drop it, Zayn."

So Zayn did.

 

Niall and Liam fit seamlessly into Zayn's life until he can't remember how he functioned without them. Soon, it's a common occurrence to come home to Niall making faces at Ava, or Liam leading her around the room. He sneaks Niall free muffins at work and goes for coffee with Liam most days after class, talking about everything and nothing (but mostly comics). They're not dates, at least not romantic ones. They're not. They're getting away from all the craziness that comes with three overgrown children and an actual baby, finding solace in someone who doesn't assume.

"We're not dating."

"If you say so."

" _Louis._ "

" _Zayn,_ _"_ he mimics back. "We don't go out like you n'Liam."

"That's because we live together. I see you every day."

"Yeah, and you see him every day too."

Zayn narrows his eyes. "What is your point?"

"I don't know actually," Louis admits, tapping a finger to his mouth. "But it'll come to me eventually. And I will be right, like always."

"You're hardly ever right."

"Fight me, Malik." So he does. Louis returns his kicks with ones of his own and Zayn rubs the place where he'll have bruises in a few minutes.

"Isn't Eleanor coming over?" He grunts after Louis lands a particularly hard kick in his stomach. Louis sits up, eyes going wide and hands flying to his unstyled hair.

"Shit!" He scrambles off the sofa and stumbles into the bathroom. "Can I borrow your hair gel?"

"Why're you asking when you've already poured it out?"

"I don't want any lingering feelings of guilt on my date."

"Like you'd be guilty about using my stuff."

"If you're going to be a twat when I'm trying to be nice then you can go eff yourself," he says sweetly and Zayn laughs.

"Classy, Tommo."

"As always." He steps into the living room dressed and ready to go.

"How do I look? Thought I'd take a page out of your book and go with all black."

"Ehh, it works better for me but you'll do, I suppose."

"Thanks for the vote of confidence, love." The door opens as Louis gets a text. "Ah, that'll be El. She doesn't want to walk up the stairs in her heels."

"Who's at the door then?" asks Zayn, craning his head. "Liam!"

Liam waves, toeing off his shoes, and drops onto the sofa. "You look good, mate."

"Thanks!"

"I was talking to Zayn, actually," he answers, wide-eyed and innocent, and Louis sneers.

"I invite you into my house…"

"I came over here by myself and I'm learning from the best." Louis preens until Liam adds, "And by best I mean Harry."

"Fine," he hisses, flipping them off, "I will leave you two pricks to wallow in your own twat-ness."

"I don't think that's a word."

"Malik, shut your mouth or I will do it for you."

"Is that a threat, Louis?" Zayn yells as he puts on his jacket. "I don't think Eleanor would take kindly to you shutting my mouth."

Liam and Zayn both laugh, sides squeezed together so that they can't tell where the shaking is coming from.

"I'll do everyone a favour and make Liam do it for me," Louis grumbles and Zayn's head shoots up, giving him a bit of a panicked look. He grins, waggling his eyebrows and Zayn is so relieved that Liam's still laughing, smile pressed into his shoulder.

"Don't wait up for me, I'm staying at El's for the night."

"Where's Ava?" Liam asks when Louis finally leaves. Zayn points in the direction of his room.

"Napping. She's a bit grumpy. Harry thinks she might be teething?" He checks his watch. "I should probably wake her, actually, or she'll never sleep tonight."

"I'll get her." He jumps up before Zayn can say anything and disappears into the bedroom. Zayn holds his breath; Ava's still sometimes unsure around him on her best days, and she'd fussed when Louis held her.

Sure enough, when Liam comes out, she's crying and he has a sheepish look on his face. "I guess she didn't like that?"

"Nah, she's just been in a bad mood. C'mere, baby." He cradles her in his lap and pets her hair until she stops sniffling.

"You've got a pretty voice," Liam says and the suddenness makes Zayn jump. He turns to stare at Liam, who colours. "I just noticed— you were singing— like, it's really nice."

"Thank you?" He hadn't even realised he was singing. He glances down at his daughter, anything to avoid looking at Liam, and she meets his gaze with big eyes. She is all a similar shade of gold, with his skin and eyes and Perrie's hair, though darker than her mother's had been. It should be strange, but the result is beautiful. Ava's going to be stunning one day— already is, but in a baby sort of way— just like Perrie.

"I can make dinner?" Liam offers, his voice interrupting Zayn's thoughts.

"You can cook?"

"Not really. I can make pasta, though. S'not too hard, and you look knackered."

"I've also only had scrambled eggs and curry this week, because that's all I can make well. At least, according to Harry n'Louis."

Liam stands, stretching and Zayn definitely does not watch. "You need diversity in your life, Zayner. I'll get started now before you waste away from hunger."

"My hero."

"Only if I get to be Batman."

"Eh, fine."

Liam pats him on the head as he goes into the kitchen. "Hey, does Ava have a Batman shirt yet?"

"I don't think so."

"That's inconceivable."

"Nice word, Liam. Have you been reading the dictionary?" he asks as he sticks Ava in her high chair. Grabbing a bottle of baby food and a spoon, he uncaps the jar and sits.

"Shut up. I might not be a literature student like you but I do have a vocabulary."

"Admit it, you just know that from _The Princess Bride._ _"_

"I will not. That's inconceivable."

"You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means."

Liam points at him with a spoon. "You are incorrigible."

"Ooh, more big words. Do you hear that, Ava?" He feeds her some of the mush. It's pear flavoured today and a sort of sickly yellow.

"That looks disgusting."

Zayn shrugs and licks a bit off his hand. "It doesn't taste too bad, honestly. And she seems to like it."

"She's wearing more than she's eaten."

"Dining is a full body experience in this house," he says grimly as she manages to smear yet another spoonful of food across her cheek. "It's a miracle if she doesn't have to take a bath afterwards."

They eat with Ava happily sucking away at her bottle. The food is actually really good, Zayn's impressed.

"You could study cooking, have your own show."

"Ha! No, I think I'll stay with business." His face twists a little at the end of the sentence, but Zayn doesn't push. Not when Liam's wearing that expression.

"Let's get you to the bath, yeah?" he says to Ava instead. He lets her splash around in the tub, him perched on the edge with Liam sitting on the toilet. She pitches a fit at having her hair washed, screaming when he pours a cup of water over her head, but he manages to do it pretty quickly. Wrapping her in a towel, he carries her to the living room and she quiets down.

"No pyjamas?" Liam comments when she starts to wander around.

"Harry says being naked is good for the soul, even if she's a baby."

"Harry also licks people when he's in a good mood."

"Maybe Harry isn't the best person to take advice from," he admits and puts a diaper on Ava. She's too happy to put any more clothes on her, though, so he just lets her be. "Ava, can you say 'baba'?" She simply stares at him. "What about 'Liam'? C'mon, babe. 'Leeyum'."

She babbles away in her baby nonsense, waving a hand in Liam's direction. He nods solemnly and she grins, content.

"We've made bets on what will be her first word. Louis' convinced it's gonna be his name."

"No way. Isn't it usually mama or dada or something like that?"

"I hope so. Ava, say 'baba'."

She heaves a sigh and puts her thumb in her mouth. "Bub."

Zayn and Liam freeze, hardly daring to breathe. Zayn gently tugs her thumb out of her mouth, ignoring her whines. "Say 'baba'."

"Baba," she says clearly, her thumb instantly going back in. The boys look at her and then at each other.

"Her first word!" Liam crows.

"Sick! Well done, Ava!" He scoops her up and gives her a kiss on the cheek. She giggles. "Liam, grab your phone and record it."

Liam does and she says it again. Zayn rewards her with another kiss.

"Should we call the others?"

"Louis is on his date and Harry's studying… We'll just tell them tomorrow. You're still coming over, yeah?"

Liam rolls his eyes. "What else would I do on a Saturday?"

"You could, I dunno, go out or something. Go on a date, go to a party. Whatever normal uni students do."

He shakes his head, smiling softly at the two of them. "I'd rather just hang out with everyone, really. Besides, who will beat Louis in FIFA if I don't? His head'll get too big."

"We wouldn't want that; it's already oversized as is." They grin at each other for a moment before catching themselves. "How about a movie to celebrate, Ava?"

They pop in _Finding Nemo_ because she loves to watch the fish and settle on the sofa together. Ava's curled up with her head in Zayn's lap and her feet in Liam's. They talk quietly over the movie about school and whether or not Lou and El will end up getting married.

"Imagine if Niall and Harry were a couple."

Zayn tilts his head to the side. "I can't decide if that would be good or bad. I can't decide if Harry with anyone is good or bad, honestly."

"He's still too young."

"And Niall is too scared of children."

"Of babies," Liam corrects. "He's really great with anyone above the age of, like, three because he is mentally five."

"True," he says and grins lazily. "You're good with children and babies, aren't you?"

"Everyone except Ava. She doesn't like me."

"She does!" Liam gives him a look. "Well, she does now. Maybe not at first though. Hey Ava," She glances up at him once and then focuses back on the television. "Baby."

"Baba."

"Yeah, look at me." With a sigh that's uncomfortably reminiscent of Louis, she does. "Do you like Liam?"

She rolls her eyes and doesn't answer.

"I suppose that's answer enough," Liam says with a chuckle, smoothing a hand over her head. She doesn't react.

"I'm sure she does, though."

A few minutes later, she wriggles off of Zayn's lap and crawls into Liam's, snuggling back against his chest. Liam glances down at her and then over at Zayn with panicked eyes.

"What do I do?"

"Enjoy it."

Liam grimaces once and hesitantly puts an arm around her middle. She doesn't move and he drops a kiss onto her head.

When Ava falls asleep, Zayn carries her to his bed and lays her down in the middle. She doesn't wake but shifts in her sleep, making sweet baby noises. He gives her a few kisses and leaves the door open.

"Did you want to finish this?" Liam asks softly, motioning to the screen.

"Nah, let's turn on something else. _The_ _Avengers_ okay?"

Liam brightens and if he had a tail, he'd be wagging it. "Definitely. Always. I love _The Avengers._ "

He turns it on and goes back to settle against Liam. "Who's your favourite?"

"I don't know. It depends."

"On what?"

"My favourite one, or the one I'm most like, or the one I'd want to be?"

"Hmm, all three?"

Liam laughs softly, turning his face towards Zayn. They're so close and it's dark and Zayn just wants to tangle his fingers in Liam's.

"I think I'm most like the Hulk."

"Why? Are you always angry?"

"No, but I like don't know my own strength? I don't really want to hurt anyone, either. I don't know."

If he snuggles closer to Liam, well, Louis isn't around to tease him about it. "And the other two?"

"I really like Captain America. I suppose I'd want to be him as well."

"If it makes a difference, I think you're most like him." Liam pauses and examines him for a moment, his eyes flickering in the soft light of the television.

"Thanks, Zayn."

"Anytime, babe."

"What about you?"

"Um, I reckon Black Widow's my favourite. Or Iron Man. They're both really clever and you can tell they care about their team."

"Iron Man? Care?"

"Shut up, you know he does."

They watch for a while longer but Liam soon nods off, pillowing his head against Zayn's shoulder. Zayn's seen _The Avengers_ about ten times—not that he minds watching it again— but he can't focus right now. His whole body is hyper aware and he tries his hardest not to fidget.

When the credits have finished and the scene has played, he gently shakes Liam. "Hey, it's over."

"M'sorry I fell asleep," he mumbles, rubbing his eyes and looking extremely disoriented. "I should go."

"Nah, it's late. You can stay here in Louis' room. He's out for the night."

"Y'sure?"

"Yeah, you're too tired. I'll lend you some trackies, hold on." He darts into his room and grabs the first clean pair he can find, along with a t-shirt.

"Thank you. 'Preciate it."

"Good night."

"Yeah."

He crawls into bed, careful not to disturb Ava, and feels more than a bit lonely.

 

He wakes to small feet planted in his back, Harry in the shower, Louis sitting on the counter and Niall prone on the floor.

"I'm sorry, whose apartment is this?" he says crossly, trading Ava for the coffee in Louis' hand. "Why are you always here?"

"I live here."

"Shut it, Lou. I was talking to the blond."

He thinks Niall shrugs but it's hard to tell. "I was bored. Couldn't find Liam."

"So you came here?"

Niall sits up, leaning on his elbows and squinting at Zayn. "Where else would he be, if not at his own apartment?"

This makes Zayn blush— he has no idea why— and he scowls at Niall to cover it. "I dunno. The library."

Niall lets out a loud snort and falls back onto his back. "Try again, Zayner."

Liam comes in the room then, flushed from the outdoors. "Good morning," he says cheerfully, flicking both Louis and Ava on the nose.

"Why are you sweaty, Payno?"

"Went for a run."

"In my shorts?" Louis looks affronted. "You've ruined them. Those had a solid no-exercise streak going," he says mournfully and Liam laughs. Niall snorts again from the floor.

"Is that Zayn's shirt?" he asks and Liam nods. "Why're you wearing their clothes?"

"Um—"

"Liam, did you stay the night?" Louis butts in, looking absolutely delighted.

"Uh, yeah. Zayn let me crash here. Is that okay?"

Louis' grin is wide and his eyes are just short of maniacal. "Perfectly. Tell me, though. Did you close Zayn's mouth?"

"What?" Liam frowns, cocking his head to the side. "No, we just had dinner and watched a movie."

"Sick," is the only thing Louis says, but his smile doesn't fade. When Liam leaves to change into something less sweaty, Zayn smacks him.

"What was that for?" he complains, rubbing his head.

"You know exactly what that was for," Zayn replied hotly, crossing his arms. "Now, leave it or I'll replace all your Yorkshire with hibiscus tea or something."

"Piss off."

"Don't make fun," Harry says as he comes in, towelling his hair. "S'not nice."

"What's your excuse for being here this morning?"

Harry shrugs and drops the wet towel on Niall's face. Ignoring the sputtering protests and muffled obscenities, he perches on the counter next to Louis.

"My complex didn't have hot water." Zayn raises his eyebrows and Harry grins. "Also, I really like Louis' shampoo."

"You didn't!" Louis says as leaning over to sniff him. "Arsehole."

"Oi," snaps Zayn. "You're really going to have to watch your mouth now that she's talking." He nods at the baby on Louis' lap and the room goes silent.

"Zayn Malik, what are you saying?" Harry asks.

"Did I not tell you?" Zayn says loftily. "She said her first word last night." Everyone just stares at him for another moment, and then all three start talking at once.

"Was it Louis? I bet she said Louis—"

"No, it was Niall—"

"Hazza!"

Liam joins them in fresh clothes, looking amused. He stands next to Zayn and crosses his arms with a satisfied smile.

"Ava," Zayn says and the boys quiet, "can you say 'Baba'?"

"Baba," she repeats dutifully, sticking her thumb back in her mouth. Harry gasps like it's the most beautiful word and peppers her face with kisses. Louis frowns and mutters that "it's _barely_ her first word. It wouldn't be in other households."

"M'going to have to start swearing in Spanish," Niall says mournfully, standing up with Harry's towel in hand. He cracks it so it snaps against Harry's calf.

"Heyyy, what was that for?"

He drapes the towel onto Harry's head and rubs vigourously. "Is that a good enough reminder for ya?" Harry pulls it off and pouts at Niall, his hair in a state of disarray.

"Prick."

"You started it," Niall points out and Harry smiles. Giving Niall a kiss on the forehead, he gets up and pushes Zayn out of the way so he can open the fridge.

"Liam, can you take Ava?" Louis asks and Liam freezes.

"I don't know…"

Louis rolls his eyes and kicks out, catching him in the knee. "It's a baby, Payno, not a shark. She's only got what, two teeth? It's not going to hurt when she bites."

"She liked you last night, remember?" Zayn pointed out.

"I thought she thought I was, like, Louis or someone."

Liam hesitantly allows Louis to hand him Ava and it looks like he's holding his breath to Zayn. She glances up at him with those big eyes, looking slightly surprised, but stays quiet. His hand comes up to rest on her back, rubbing it gently as she yawns.

"Told you so," Louis says smugly and he throws them a wink before going to his room.

 

Exams approach, and with them the near-constant threat of failure and exhaustion. Having a child in the house who does not understand the concepts of tests yet makes is a little more difficult. Zayn finds himself setting Ava down in front of the telly far too often than he would like, but he needs to study.

He and Louis, and occasionally one of the other boys, sit at the kitchen table, one eye on the books littering the top and the other on the golden head in the next room.

They all take to the stress in different ways. Louis' words grow more biting, his tone crueler. Harry is a ball of energy, cleaning his apartment and theirs and baking enough to satisfy everyone's needs. Niall laughs. He cracks jokes at their expense and his laughter is just a bit on the side of too bright. Liam folds in on himself, but attaches to someone. He can't be alone, even if he is quiet.

And Zayn? Zayn does what he does best— he lets the world fade away. He retreats into his room when he can, puts in headphones when he cannot, and sleeps at every opportunity. He finds that Liam's shoulder makes a comfortable and ever-available pillow, when necessary.

They manage, procrastinating by sipping on far too many cups of tea and using Zayn's free coffee privileges to their advantage.

"I'm going to grow fat from all this," Louis groans, his head on the book he was just reading. "I'm going to fail and then I won't even be able to get a job based off my looks."

"Sounds like a predicament," drawls Harry and Niall giggles. Louis gives him the finger without looking up.

"I'm going to shoot you. That would be one less problem I'd have to deal with. Do _not,_ " he says meaningfully, "start singing Ariana Grande, Hazza."

"Pouting's not going to work if he can't see you," says Niall.

"Harry's pouts never work on me."

Zayn snorts. Harry's pouts _always_ work, just like Liam's puppy eyes and Niall's crestfallen expression and Louis' tears. Little shits, all of them.

"Are you doubting me, Malik."

"Just a little."

"I will shoot you too."

Harry pats Louis' hand, taking it as the endearment it was, and then pets his hair. "Don't be sad."

"I'm a uni student in the middle of exams. I'm stressed, not sad."

"Don't be stressed." Louis pinches Harry and he retreats far from Louis' fingers. "What was that for?"

"Your massively unhelpful advice."

"Did you expect anything else, though?" Liam asks as he sets a cup of tea in front of Zayn. "You were talking to Harry."

"Excuse me, Liam, I am very helpful," Harry tells him with a sniff. "And that's rich coming from _you_. You don't even know where Japan is."

"I don't see how that's relevant." He rests his feet on Harry's lap, who promptly pushes them off, affronted expression firmly fixed in place. Liam laughs and pecks him quickly on the cheek, Harry's frown sliding into a smile without noticing, almost.

Zayn loves watching Liam's interactions with the other boys. With Harry, Liam is sillier. With Louis, Liam is crazier. With Niall, Liam is relaxed. He wonders how Liam acts around him.

A shoulder knocks into his and he looks up into warm brown eyes.

"You alright?"

"Yeah, just lost in my thoughts." He echoes Liam's smile and takes a sip of his tea.

 

They survive their tests— barely in some cases. Niall and Liam and Harry stay at Louis and Zayn's more often than not, piling in someone's bed or on the floor. When they catch a breath, they all gather together around and celebrate the holidays.

Niall gives Harry a shirt with a ridiculous print, Harry gives Louis a new football, Louis gives Liam a bottle of tequila and a dictionary.

"It's a practical gift," he says with a grin. "They can be used in every situation."

"Leave it to you to think of this as practical," Niall teases and Louis pinches his side.

Liam pushes his present towards Zayn with little ceremony. Zayn opens it, blinking at the tiny shirt with a Batman logo. There's a matching one in his size.

"I, uh, thought Ava needed a superhero shirt," Liam says, rubbing the back of his head. "You said she didn't have any Batman things and he's the best, so I figured…. And I thought you might like one too? I can take it back…"

"No, no. I like it. A lot. Thank you, Liam." He wraps his arms around the other boy and, in a last minute decision, presses his lips briefly to his cheek.

"Happy Christmas," Eleanor says the next day as she slides a small piece of paper over to Zayn. He raises his eyebrows but inspects in anyway.

"What's this?"

"That is the number for a babysitter. She'll watch Ava."

"What for?"

"Lou's birthday. What kind of party would it be if his best friend couldn't go?"

"Seriously?"

"Yeah, it's all planned out." She smiles at him and he gives her a long hug. Patting him on the back, she pecks him on the cheek. "My present to you."

"You're the best, El."

 

The party's just barely started when Zayn arrives. He was meant to come and help set up, but Ava had been fussy and the babysitter was late. Strange music is playing over some speakers set up.

"What's this, then?" he asks Niall who wrinkles his nose. "Isn't this supposed to be a party?"

"El let Harry pick the music. I'm waiting until he gets tipsy enough to change it without him pitching a fit."

"Smart," he says and goes off in search of Harry. He finds him, predictably, chatting with the few people here with a cup clutched in his hand. His cheeks are pink already, but whether from the excitement or the alcohol, Zayn is not quite sure.

"Hey mate," he says, slinging an arm around his shoulders. "Are we at a party or in the _Inception_ movie?"

"Are you criticising my music?"

"Always."

"Just because you have no appreciation of culture, Zayn, doesn't mean you have to subject the rest of us to crap music."

"Just because you have no appreciation of Usher, Harry," Zayn parrots back, grinning as Harry rolls his eyes. "Honestly, can we put something a little more appropriate on?"

"I refuse to play Justin Timberlake."

"Daft Punk, then." Harry huffs a sigh but stomps over to the makeshift DJ station. A minute later, "Get Lucky" starts playing over the speakers.

"Very nice," says Niall with a grin. "And you didn't even have to get him drunk. How'd you manage that?"

"It's the cheekbones," Harry grumbles, coming up behind Zayn and wrapping himself around him. "Makes him irresistible."

"Girls should be falling at your feet."

"Or boys too; don't be exclusive, Niall."

"Fine. Are y'gonna use those cheekbones to your advantage and pull tonight, Zayner?"

Harry presses his nose against Zayn's cheek to whisper in his ear. "You could try Liam."

Zayn pushes him off with a scowl. "Don't." He holds up his hands in surrender and Niall barks out a laugh.

"Aw, did the Bradford Bad Boy scare you?" He croons, wrapping an arm around Harry and tugging him close. Zayn narrows his eyes at the blond.

"How did you— _Louis._ " Niall cackles and Harry smothers his giggles in his shoulder. Zayn cocks an eyebrow at both of them but it just makes them laugh harder. "All my friends are idiots." He leaves the giggling boys—honestly, they are five year olds; he'll have loads of experience already when Ava's gets to that age— and leaves to harass Louis.

He's where he always is, in the centre of attention being loud and dramatic. Obviously in his element at the makeshift bar, he tells a story to a rapt audience. Zayn settles back to watch him, leaning a hip against the counter and crossing his arms.

"Hey," Liam says as he hooks his chin over Zayn's shoulder. "It's hard to wish the birthday boy a happy birthday when he's always talking, innit?"

"I'm mad at him actually."

"What'd he do this time?"

"Told Niall things he shouldn't have."

"Bradford Bad Boy?" he guesses and Zayn turns his head to glare, trying not to notice how close their faces are.

"He told you too?" Liam hums. "I'm going to kill him twice."

"At his own party? How tragic."

"Partners in crime are not to tell each others' secrets."

"I'll help you hide the body." Liam chuckles and steps away from him. Zayn feels the loss immediately, but he doesn't say anything. "I'm going to go dance. Wanna join?"

"Nah, I'm good."

"See you later." He downs the rest of whatever's in his cup, hands it to Zayn and gives him a wave. Zayn watches him go and wonders if one drink would be a good idea.

It's not, he decides after he swallows whatever Niall mixed together. It tastes horrible, too much whiskey, and he tells him as much. "Don't ever become a bartender, mate." Niall pointedly ignores him.

He wanders through the flat and enjoys the buzz that comes from being slightly tipsy and surrounded by people. He bumps into Louis, who is now dancing at the edge of the crowd.

"Happy birthday!" he says, planting a sloppy kiss on his cheek. Louis wipes it off with a disgusted look. Zayn reaches out and tweaks a nipple, then retreats to where Louis can't retaliate.

"What was that for?"

"Telling my secrets."

"Which one?"

"The embarrassing ones where I was fifteen."

"They're legends, though."

Zayn snorts at Louis' grin. "You've been spending way too much time around Niall. Next, you'll be waving an Irish flag around."

"As if."

Louis tips into Zayn's side and he keeps him there, watching the rest of the people for a minute.

"El throws a good party, doesn't she?"

"Yeah, she does." If it were a different occasion, Zayn would tease Louis about the soft smile that comes on his face when he talks about his girlfriend. But he's too cuddly and Louis is too happy and so he stays quiet. After a moment, Louis groans. "Harry's going to kill someone."

Sure enough, he's in the centre of the crowd, limbs flailing wildly. Zayn's mildly concerned for the people around that are in danger of being hit, but Harry looks as if he's having the time of his life, so he stays put.

His eyes slide to the right and find Liam. He's dancing too, but more gracefully, with a girl. She's tiny and his hands look so big on her waist. She flips her dark hair over her shoulder and presses closer, if possible. He tips his head to rest his forehead against hers, their lips almost—

"Zayn…"

His gaze snaps to Louis, who is watching him with a concerned look. "What?"

"I'm sorry."

"Why? S'not a big deal. I knew, like, he was interested in girls, like. It's not a surprise." Louis just shakes his head, so Zayn decides he needs to be drunker. Turning on his heel, he presses through the crowd to find Niall again.

Niall's not there, having apparently taken his advice about bartending to heart, so he pours himself whatever his hands find first. He swallows a big sip.

A laugh he would recognise anywhere catches his attention. Liam's up against the wall with the brunette running her hands down his chest. He's watching her with a dark look in his eyes and a smirk. Seizing her wrists, he tugs so she falls into him.

Zayn should look away but he can't. He just keeps staring with a morbid fascination, even as he feels something twist in his stomach. He takes another drink.

She catches herself on his arms, face tilting up towards him in a cheeky smile. He kisses her, one hand tangled in her hair and the other spanning her back. Hers flit across his body, landing on his cheeks and shoulders and hips.

He watches Liam's jaw move and tells himself to look away. He doesn't. Instead, he wonders idly how long humans can survive without air.

They break apart, finally, and Liam's mouth is so so red. He bends to whisper into the girl's ear and Zayn feels like he might vomit. The girl giggles and he can hear it even from here. It's breathy and grating, but Liam looks smug. Shaking her hair out, she says something to him that makes his eyebrows raise. He whirls them around so the girl is trapped between the wall and his body. Liam bends down again for another kiss.

Zayn's finally able to tear his gaze away, and he does, fingers tapping out an unsteady rhythm on his leg.

He pours himself another cup and manages to empty it in a few seconds. Wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, he resolves to forget as best he can.

His muscles are jumping and he's got all this restless, reckless energy flowing through him. There's something crackling under his skin and he feels as if he might explode from the feeling, or tear his skin out. Dancing seems like the thing to do and he's not quite sober enough to remember why he shouldn't. So he slips into the pulsating crowd and allows himself to become lost in it, to lose all sense of identity.

A girl whose eyes look silver in the light—or lack thereof—appears in front of him and he welcomes the distraction. He presses his fingers into her hips and she slips a hand beneath the hem of his shirt.

The girl is replaced by another, and then another, all of them blurring into a faceless blur, just a warm body that dulls his thoughts. Time bends so he can't tell if it's been an hour or a minute.

He blinks awake, it seems, from his trance when he realises he's no longer dancing with a girl but a bloke instead. He has his back pressed to Zayn's chest and Zayn can't breathe. Can't breathe with everyone around him, can't breathe with this boy in front of him, can't breathe with the wrongness of it all because the boy is too short, his shoulders too narrow and his hands are too rough. He shudders once and steps away from the not-Liam, pushing through the crowd. It feels like a retreat, though he can't explain why, and he wants to hang his head in shame or hide away from all the world's eyes. So he grabs a bottle of vodka from the kitchen and steps into the first empty room he can find. Slouching on the floor with his back against the door, he drops his head and tries to control his breathing.

His thoughts are whirring too fast for him to understand any more, a drastic change from five minutes ago, and his head is spinning with it.

He should not be freaking out about this. This is not something that should be hurting him. He's an adult. Liam's an adult who can make his own decisions. He's into girls, always has been, and Zayn is just an idiot.

The alcohol's souring in his stomach and he considers looking for a wastebasket to be sick in. That would require effort, and he's pretty sure the movement would make vomiting a reality instead of just a vague feeling in the pit of his stomach. He slumps until he's laying on his side with his cheek pressed to the floor. It's cool and he can feel the thuds of footsteps and music pounding. The dark room is oddly peaceful and he thinks he could fall asleep here, numb and shut off from the world.

His sanctuary is rudely interrupted by someone trying to open the door. It doesn't get far, stopped by his body.

"Oh, sorry!" a voice calls out and Zayn feels a hysterical laugh attempt to claw its way out of his throat. It's Liam, of course it's Liam. "I thought this was the loo."

"It's okay, mate," he hears himself say.

"Zayn?" The door presses more insistently against his back and he sits, shifting so Liam can come in. "R'you alright?"

"Yeah, just tired. And drunk."

"M'drunk too." He ungracefully collapses on the floor next to Zayn.

"Very much so."

He sighs happily. "Yeah. Why're you in here and not—" He flaps an arm in the direction of the door. The hysteria bubbles back up again and Liam frowns at him. "Why're you laughing?"

"I don't know. I think I'm going to go home, actually. I have a headache."

"Okay. Should I go with you?"

Something breaks a little in Zayn's chest because, even smashed, Liam is still looking out for him. "No, I'm good. You stay and enjoy the party."

"Bye, Zayner."

"Goodbye, Liam."

He gathers himself and stands. The floor is only slightly swaying. Liam grins up at him, still sprawled out against the wall, and pats his leg. He reenters the party and his throat constricts, stopping his breath. Maybe this is what Niall feels like when he's claustrophobic, like there's not enough oxygen, like his chest is too small for his lungs.

He steps into the chilly street and _breathes_ for what feels like the first time in forever. The air out here is untainted by what's inside and it clears his head, if only a little. He directs his feet towards home and concentrates on not falling.

If that was a retreat before, this feels like a surrender.

 

"Back so soon?" the babysitter asks mildly when he fumbles his way in. "It's only one. I thought you'd be out for ages longer."

He does his best to smile at her, racking his brain for her name. Rebecca maybe? "Too tired. I've been up for too long."

"Downside to having a baby, I guess," she says with a chuckle. "Even if the baby's as sweet as yours."

"She was good, then?"

"A right little angel."

"Do I need to pay you or…"

She smiles and distantly he notices she's quite pretty. "No, Eleanor did already. Thank you though."

"Thank you. It was really kind of you," he says as he walks her to the door. She pulls a set of keys out of her handbag and shakes his hand farewell.

 

"I guess we have the flat to ourselves," he tells Ava as he makes pancakes. "Uncle Lou texted me and said he was staying over at El's." He had also sent an incomprehensible stream of letters followed by a winking emoji three hours later. Louis' mind was a strange place made even stranger by vodka.

Ava bangs her bottle against the table and he winces. The pain in his head is quite vivid despite the two ibuprofen he had swallowed this morning.

"It's strange that it's so quiet, I think so too."

"I am never drinking again," someone bemoans and Zayn stiffens as Liam plods into the room.

"What the— what are you doing here?"

"Niall kicked me out of our apartment and Louis kicked me out of El's and said I could stay here," Liam says with a yawn, pillowing his head against his arms. Zayn's stomach twists at the sight of his head and he stands in the middle of the floor, frozen.

"What is my life?"

"Sorry, did you say something?" Liam asks, squinting up at him. Zayn shakes his head and turns towards the stove.

They eat in relative silence, Liam shielding his eyes against the light and Zayn carefully watching Ava eat. When the food is gone, he clears his throat.

"Um, we're going to my parents' for the holidays and we've like got to pack?" He chews his lip, hoping Liam'll catch the hint.

"Do you need help?"

"No, I'm good. It shouldn't take too long."

"Oh. Are you upset at me?"

"Sorry?"

"You're not looking at me," Liam says in a quiet voice. "And you're not talking to me either, really. Did I do something?"

Zayn forces down the giggle that's rising and runs a hand through his hair.

"Oh my god, I did. I'm sorry. What did I do?"

"Don't worry, you didn't do anything while I was there, at least. You snogged a girl pretty soundly but that's it."

"Was that a problem?"

"What? Of course not. Why would it be?"

"You seem awfully tense. I can't help but feel like I did something and you're not telling me. And last night, you were shut away in the bedroom instead of partying."

"I'm surprised you remember that. You were shitfaced."

Liam peers at Ava before responding. "Not that much. Not then."

"So you do remember dancing with that girl? What was her name, by the way?"

"Does it matter?"

"You seemed pretty into her, like. And you don't kiss someone like that without meaning it, bro. She seemed nice."

"Hmm."

"Was she a good dancer?" If Zayn could stop the rambling, shove the words back into his mouth, he would. Liam's frowning at him but he can't stop.

"Yeah," he says slowly, measuring out his words. "Danielle's a pretty good dancer."

Zayn's eyebrows shoot up. "Danielle? Like ex-girlfriend Danielle? Why was she there?"

"A friend of a friend of Louis' apparently."

"Isn't she the one that you shaved your head over?"

"So?"

"And you were kissing her last night." He feels sick again. "Is that really the best idea? She's your _ex_ after all."

"Why are you so upset about this? So I danced with her—"

"And snogged."

Liam's eyes narrow at him and he scowls. "Yes, I, a consenting adult, kissed Danielle, another consenting adult. It's not that big of a deal."

He wants to argue otherwise but he can't without giving a good reason. But he can't stop either, not with the frustration and panic rising.

"You were over her, Liam."

"Just because I danced with her doesn't mean I'm going to get back together with her. We were just having fun. Jesus, Zayn." He puts his head down on his arms again and Zayn swallows hard.

"You're right, I'm sorry."

Liam studies him for a second and he resists the urge to flinch. He raises his chin, keeps his gaze steady. Liam must find what he's looking for in Zayn's gaze because he nods. "Okay. I'm going to be off, then. Happy holidays?"

"Happy holidays." He closes the door after him and rubs at his face. "What just happened? What the fuck just happened?" He brings his hand to his mouth and bites his fist, the tiny pricks of pain assuring him that this was real life.

He picks up Ava from her chair mindlessly, registering that she's not crying and that's about it. With her in his arms, he paces the flat with restless footsteps. His mind repeats the argument—their first argument?— over and over again. It's not as bad as last night, but it's close.

He can still breathe, thankfully. There's no lump in his chest, no it's moved up to his throat.

"What's going on?" She only looks at him in response.

A knock on the door startles him into the present. "Coming," he yells, setting her down among her toys. "Did you forget your keys again, Louis?"

It's not Louis standing there. It's Liam, looking conflicted and upset and tense. Zayn freezes with one hand on the door.

"What? Why?"

"I'm sorry, I just—" he surges forwards and clutches at Zayn's jaw, knocking him back a step. Before he fully can realise what's happening, Liam's lips are on his and they're kissing and it's everything Zayn thought it would be and also so much better. Liam's mouth is soft, moving against his. Zayn's head is spinning again because Liam's tongue is sliding against his bottom lip and he needs to do something _now_ before reality sets in.

And just like that, Liam's stepped away, biting his already-red lips and looking skittish. "I'm sorry."

Everything starts to slow down so he can attempt to understand what's going on, except his brain is stuck on the fact that _Liam Goddamn Payne_ just kissed him.

"What the hell was that?" is what he says and Liam flinches. He doesn't care, he's too hysterical. There's been too many emotions in too short of a time and he can't hold it in any longer. He puts his hands in his hair and wants to pull it out. Maybe it'll help him make sense of the world or something. "You kissed me!"

"I'm sorry."

"But you're straight, Liam! You're 100% not gay and you kissed me. You were kissing that girl last night and you kissed me and oh my god."

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean— I didn't think and I'm so, so sorry Zayn." And then he turns around and leaves, another thing that Zayn can't comprehend as it's happening and he wonders if he'll ever be able to keep up with Liam again.

He moves through the flat in a daze, putting whatever his hands land on into a suitcase. It's not for that long, anyway, a few weeks and he can do laundry at his mum's.

He pauses long enough to send a half-coherent text to Louis and then packs Ava and their stuff into a taxi headed for the train station.

 

_liam kissed you ? atta boy payno !_

_**Louis this is important** _

_no sex in my bed plz_

_**Louis** _

_it_ _'_ _s a valid request especially since it already happened_

_**LOUIS!** _

_calm urself malik. why r u panicking liam kissed you._

_it_ _'_ _s what you_ _'_ _ve been hoping for_

 _**But he** _ _**'** _ _**s into girls** _

_apparently not !_

_**He was pretty into one last night when he was kissing her at your party** _

_oh shit_

_is that why you left early ?_

_**One of the reasons yah** _

_the biggest one tho ;)_

_**shut it** _

_and then he kissed you with no warning ?_

_**Yep** _

_and left?_

_**Yep** _

_that was a dick move. i can talk to him for you. there_ _'_ _s gotta be a reason_

 _**Don** _ _**'** _ _**t, not yet. I need to think** _

_if you say so_

_don_ _'_ _t second guess urself luv_

 _**I haven** _ _**'** _ _**t even guessed myself that** _ _**'** _ _**s the problem.** _

_m8 that doesn_ _'_ _t make sense but i getchu_

_i think you need to call him and talk_

_**Not when i** _ _**'** _ _**m on a train going home** _

_whatever don_ _'_ _t do anything i wouldn_ _'_ _t do !_

 

Zayn sets his phone down with a sigh and adjusts Ava on his lap. She'd fallen asleep almost as soon as the train had started moving. Perhaps she'll have his gift of falling asleep anywhere and anytime.

The car is filled with a mix of tired-looking university students, like him, and tired-looking people with bags stacked at their feet. The landscape outside flashes by in blurs of grey and brown, offering little in the way in beauty. Not in December, at least.

He leans his head against the window and wishes he could sleep too, but he's too exhausted to let himself. He's numb from the blender of emotions he's been put through in the past twenty-four hours and all he can do is rub a finger against his mouth, the ghost of Liam's still there.

Doniya picks him up at the station with a huge smile and a "Hey little brother."

"I thought you didn't come down until Saturday!"

"Yeah, well. The boss didn't need me, so I left early. How's my little niece doing?" She leans in and smacks a big kiss against Ava's cheek, who looks between Doniya and Zayn with a startled expression. "She's gotten so big!"

"Yeah, that's what happens when babies get older."

She rolls her eyes and swats him on the arm. "Be nice to your elders." He gives her a kiss to her forehead and she ruffles his hair. "Alright, enough of this. Mum's waiting at home with the sisters and lots of food."

"Naturally."

"So tell me," she says when they had packed Ava into her carseat and were flying down the road towards Bradford, "how's university?"

"The same, I'm sure, since you were there."

"Any girls then?" She grins at him, glancing away to throw him a wink. "Or boys maybe?"

Zayn blushes. He can't help it. Doniya, catching the tail end of the redness in his cheeks, crows. "There is! Tell me about him. Is he fit? Does Ava like him? How old is he?"

"Shut _up,_ Doniya."

"Not until you tell me about him. What's his name."

"You're a menace."

"Don't make me call Louis, Zayn." He considers her for a moment, gauging her sincerity. She flashes another smile at him and raises an eyebrow. "Don't think I won't."

"Fine," he huffs, crossing his arms and slumping in his seat. "His name's Liam."

"Strong name. Is this the same Liam that's become your mate? Mum told me you were making friends."

"Mum needs to stop gossiping about my life. Yes, he's the same one."

"Nice."

"We've been having coffee together after class, but we're just friends, like. He thought Tommo was my boyfriend for a while."

Doniya laughs loudly. "Oh, I hope that _never_ happens. The end of the world would be upon us."

"That's what I said, in less pessimistic words though."

"So you went on a few dates with Leeyum." She drags his name out in a sing-song and he flinches.

"They weren't dates."

"Why not?"

"Because I thought he wasn't into guys— I don't really want to talk about this." She considers him out of the corner of her eye and nods once.

"Alright then. Tell me how Ava's been."

He smiles and tells her all that's happened in the months since they've seen each other. "—and she can talk now! She's said 'baba' so far and a few other words."

"Maybe she'll expand her vocabulary over the holiday, yeah? Mum would love that."

"She should be walking soon, too. At least according to Harry and all the parenting books he read."

"The boy's crazy."

"I'll tell him you said so."

His phone buzzes against his thigh, giving him a start. "Hold on," he tells his sister as he picks it up. "Hey, Niall."

"Hey, do you know what's wrong with Liam?"

"Liam? No, why?"

"He just came back from your flat and he won't talk to me at all."

"We had a bit of a row, and… wait, he _just_ got back?"

"You guys fought? What the hell? About what?"

"Danielle and, erm, something else. But how long ago did he walk in the door?"

Niall sighs over the phone and Zayn can hear the frustration. It's unusual for him; Niall's usually pretty chill. "Like ten minutes, maybe."

"Where was he before that?"

"Yours, I'm assuming. Liam, where were you?" There's a muffled noise and he can hear Liam say something. "Out, apparently."

"Oh, okay." He had left the flat hours ago. Where had he been all that time?

"Zayn, are you going to tell me what the hell is going on?"

"I can't. Just— ask Liam." And he hangs up, switching it off and throwing it in the backseat so he can't be tempted to do anything rash. Rubbing at where the beginnings of a headache is starting at his temples, he sighs and wishes he had never gone to that party.

"Want to talk about it?" Doniya asks finally and he shakes his head.

"Not particularly."

"Later?"

"Never," he says and switches on the radio.

 

He's not surprised when he switches on his phone four hours later and has a multitude of new messages.

After the whirlwind of activity this afternoon—hugs from parents, dinner with everyone, conversations with sisters— he doesn't want to even look at them. But then, leaving them until morning isn't a good option either.

 _Why_ _'_ _d you hang up on me ?_

_What the fuck ?_

_**Sorry** _

Niall doesn't write back, so he moves on.

_YOU AND LIAM KISSED? -H xx_

_I told you no one could resist those cheekbones! -H xx_

_Also that liam_ _'_ _d be up for it -H xx_

_You yelled at him when he did it? -H xx_

_Oh my god -H xx_

_Zayn what_ _'_ _s going on? -H xx_

_**Does everyone know about this ?** _

_Niall told me so yeah? -H xx_

_**I didn** _ _**'** _ _**t mean to yell** _

_**He just surprised me and i panicked** _

_**And then he walked out** _

_Oh zayn_ _…_ _-H xx_

_You need to talk -H xx_

_**Louis said the same thing** _

_Yeah well Louis isn_ _'_ _t always full of shit -H xx_

_Seriously though -H xx_

He knows he needs to, he knows that he should be grown up and call but… But he's still angry about the party and he's confused about why Liam kissed him at all and he's tired, so tired.

He gets into his bed and pulls the blankets to his chin. There's one more message that he doesn't bother to click on, doesn't bother to answer.

_im sorry_

It can wait until tomorrow.

 

It's good being back but it's also exhausting. He hardly sees his daughter, she's too busy being doted on by her loving aunts and cousins.

"Oh, hush," his mum says when he complains. "The poor baby needs the influence, living with two men. And your sisters have so much fun with her."

"She's going to forget who I am." Trisha laughs and kisses his cheek before handing him a spatula and putting him to work.

He talks to Louis every day—ignoring Doniya's pointed comments about their codependent friendship, to which Louis argues that Ava's his daughter too and he must be updated daily—and Harry more often than not. He doesn't call Liam, doesn't hear from Niall. He pretends it doesn't bother him.

"Twenty-one, mate. You're getting old," he teases on Christmas Eve.

"Shut up. You're not far behind," Louis shoots back. "I'm only a year and a couple of weeks older."

"Yeah, but I'm younger in spirit."

"You're more immature, that's true. But I'm pretty sure I have the younger spirit out of the two of us, Zayner."

"I'm not willing to argue about this."

"And that just proves my point."

"You're ridiculous."

"Be nice. It's my birthday," he says and Zayn can hear the frown in his voice. He chuckles and shifts the phone to his other ear.

"Yeah, but we already celebrated it. So like, this day doesn't count."

"Oi! It does too."

"Please tell me you did not just stamp your foot. What are you, five?"

"How did you hear that?"

"You're on speaker, remember?"

"Oh," he says and starts to laugh. "I have to go. Mum's made me a proper birthday lunch and we're going to have watch a Christmas movie or something."

"Say hello to your sisters for me and happy birthday!"

"Bye, Zayn!"

He stares down at the phone, deliberating. Might as well get it over with. He dials Liam's number and presses the phone to his ear.

"Zayn?"

"Hi, Liam."

"Hi."

There's a moment of awkward silence and Zayn cringes. There hasn't ever been anything but comfortableness between them and he's managed to mess it up.

"I wanted to apologise, yeah? For the things I said about Danielle. Wasn't my place, like, to argue and I'm sorry."

"No, it's okay," Liam breathes and Zayn shuts his eyes, pressing the heel of his palm into them. He hates this. "You were just looking out for me."

"It was a shit thing to do, though."

"Don't worry about it. And, uh, I'm sorry too."

"For what?"

Liam clears his throat. Zayn bets anything that he's blushing right now, but he doesn't trust himself to speak more than a few words.

"Um, for what happened after? That was out of line and I shouldn't've done it and I'm sorry. I thought— well. Never mind what I thought."

"Liam, it's okay, like. It didn't bother me and I handled it wrong. I handled it really wrong actually—"

"Zayn," Liam interrupts and he bites his tongue, "I'm sorry but I have to go. My dad's calling me and it's urgent. I'm sorry and we'll talk later, yeah?"

"Yeah. Happy Christmas, Liam."

"You too. Bye."

He resists the urge to throw his phone out the window and drops it gently on the bed instead. Liam was still upset, he could hear it, and wouldn't _listen_. He scooped up his phone again with half a mind to send him a text about it, but he couldn't put it into words. It was a little difficult sending something along the lines of "hey, I really liked kissing you can we do it again?" without sounding weird or crazy.

No, this needed tact and tactfulness was not abundant over text message. Maybe in person. (Maybe never)

_**You okay ?** _

_yeaahhh y wudn_ _'_ _t i be?_

_**Just checking** _

_thanks zayn_

 

He's always surprised at how easily he settles back into the routine at home, even with a baby now. Doniya reminds him of her superiority at every chance, Waliyha teases him mercilessly about everything. Safaa blushes when he mentions Harry and then scowls when he calls her out on it.

"He's fit," Waliyha says when she nicks his phone and finds a picture of Niall, Liam and Harry. "They're all fit. Why do you have such nice looking friends?"

"You're sixteen, you shouldn't be thinking about fit boys," he tells her and she rolls her eyes.

"Just because I'm 'not supposed be thinking about it' doesn't mean it's any less true. C'mon, tell me. I want to know."

He sighs and leans over her shoulder to point at the boys. "That's Niall. He's absolutely mental but he's hilarious. You know Harry. And that's Liam."

"Do all the boys at your university look like this?"

"Waliyha," he groans, pinching her side, "stop it already. Mum, do you know she's boy crazy?"

"Hey, just because I can appreciate good looking—"

"Yeah, it's weird when you're talking about my friends."

She giggles and pinches him back. "Friends and friends you like, right? That's the weirdest part?"

"I don't like any of them."

"Don't lie, I can see it in your face." She pokes his cheeks, laughing at his glare. "That one, Liam? You think he's fit."

"I think you're ridiculous."

"Ridiculous or not, I have eyes and I can see that you're full of shit. Where'd you meet him?"

"Leave it, Waliyha."

"Are you talking about Liam?" Doniya asks as she plops down next to Waliyha, grabbing the phone out of her hand. "Ooh, he's cute."

"That's what I said."

Zayn looks up to the ceiling and sighs. "Am I being punished for something? What have I done to deserve this?"

"Stop being so dramatic; you've been spending too much time around Louis," Doniya says. "Is he the one you were talking about in the car?"

"Yes," he snaps. She glances up at his tone and studies him for a minute. He doesn't like her expression but before he can say something, Waliyha speaks up.

"C'mon, tell us about him. Is he a good kisser?"

"Be quiet, Wali," Doniya mutters, giving her a nudge in the side. She opens her mouth and closes it when Doniya shakes her head.

Later, when Waliyha's been distracted by Ava and the never-ending stream of family that comes in and out, he wraps his arm around Doniya's shoulders.

"Thank you."

"For what? Oh, telling Waliyha to let it be? You're welcome. I expect a bouquet of flowers at some point, though."

"Deal," he tells her, pressing a kiss to her hair. She curls her arm around his waist and sighs.

"You're alright, though? Like, everything's okay with Perrie and all that?"

"Yeah, I'm getting better. It was hard in the beginning, but we're figuring it out."

"You're really brave, Zayn." He glances down to see her smiling up at him. "I mean it. And you're doing a good job with Ava."

"Really?"

"Everyone can see how much you love her. And she loves you too."

"If you say so."

"I do." She hugs him tighter and he puts his head on top of hers and he is so, so thankful for family.

 

Saying goodbye is always bittersweet because he loves everyone, but they are so exhausting, and he just wants to be in the quietness of his flat. He wants the routine again and to be with the boys and not have his cheek pinched by another one of his aunts.

So he leaves on the tenth—and it's really the dread of leaving that's the worst part, walking out the door isn't hard at all—because school starts on the fifteenth and he needs to tidy his life before he gets back to classes.

His mum cries, she always does, as if he was going half a world away instead of just an hour. She tells him to call at any time, if he needs _anything,_ and he pats her on the shoulder and promises. Then it's kisses for everyone and Doniya's yelling at him from her car, so he pecks Safaa on the cheek once more and gets in.

They blast the radio on the way to the train station and even Ava gets caught up in the song and starts dancing.

"What do you want do for your birthday?"

"Sorry?"

"Your birthday," Louis repeats, watching as Zayn struggles with the luggage and deliberately not helping. "It's in two days and we need to start planning."

"Are you going to help me with this?"

"No. I'm busy."

"You can put Ava down."

"Oi, I haven't seen her in a long time. Are you really going to deny our bonding time?" Louis argues and Zayn rolls his eyes, managing to free a hand to flip Louis off. Louis gasps and covers Ava's eyes.

"Drama queen." He heaves the rucksack into the door and drops the suitcase onto the floor. Louis sniffs at the noise and holds the baby closer, giving him a look.

"You're going to hurt her ears."

"Really, Tommo? You're louder on a daily basis than that."

"I resent that," he says making a face. Zayn laughs, only a little out of breath, and pinches his chest.

"The comment?"

Louis scowls, rubbing at the sore spot. He goes for Zayn's nipples but he's too slow with a baby in his arms. "No, you poking fun. Loud makes things interesting."

"Or chaotic."

Harrumphing, he shifts Ava higher on his hip and cocks his head at Zayn. "So, what are you going to do for your birthday? We could go to the pub. Or throw a party."

"I don't… I don't want to do anything like that," he says as he runs a hand through his hair. "I just want to chill, like. We can have the lads over and watch movies or something. Eat cake."

"Boys, like Harry and Niall and Liam?"

"Yeah."

"Sick. We'll have a marathon. All of the _Spiderman_ _'_ _s._ _"_

"Come on, Lou. I don't want to watch those. We can watch the _Iron Man_ films. You like those. Tony Stark's your role model, yeah?"

"He's pretty good, but I still think Peter Parker's the best."

"But like, Tony _built_ his own suit. Like, that's better than getting bitten by a spider—"

"Honestly, Zayn. I love you but I do not care enough to argue. Talk to Payno if you want to argue about this shit." Zayn's breath catches and Louis studies him for a moment. "Still haven't talked, then?"

"No, we have."

"What happened?"

"He apologised and didn't let me say my piece."

Louis worries his lip, still watching him with those wide eyes. He smooths a hand down Ava's back when she starts babbling and sighs. "Seems to be a habit of his, innit?"

"He doesn't want to be embarrassed. Doesn't like losing control, like." He ignores the way Louis' eyebrows fly up at that and he keeps talking before he can make some sort of snide remark. "I'm not mad at him or anything."

"Reckon it's hard to be, with those eyes."

"With his earnestness, more like."

Louis hums his affirmation and switches Ava to the other arm. "I can talk to him if you want. Make him see sense."

"I don't really want to drag another person into this. No offence." Zayn sighs. "And it's got to be me. I'm the one that— never mind."

"No, I want to hear about how you love him and want to have his babies."

"It's not— it's not love. Shit, Louis. We're friends."

"But you want to snog him. And then have his babies."

Zayn frowns at him. "Lou, I know you failed biology, but you've got to know how the reproductive system works."

"Can't take a bloody joke, can you?"

"Are we done with this?" he says crossly as he goes to sit on the sofa. Louis follows, setting Ava down on her blanket with a toy or two.

"So just us five lads, then? For your party?"

"And Ava."

"Naturally. D'you want to text them or should I?"

"You do it. I'm knackered." He throws an arm over his face, hiding his grin at Louis' disgruntled sigh.

"What a best mate you are. Making me handle all the details for your own party," he grumbles and Zayn bites down on his lip to keep in the chuckle.

"Consider it your gift to me."

Louis flicks him on the shoulder before pulling out his phone and tapping away on it, humming gently under his breath.

 

Harry tackles him when he opens the door, knocking him to the ground and landing on him with a shout. Louis, always unable to keep away from a brawl, collapses on him and Zayn is nearly flattened by their combined weight.

"Happy birthday, Zayner!" Harry crows, squirming happily so that the breath is knocked out of Zayn once more. "Twenty, you're old!"

"You'll be nineteen next month,' he manages to grunt and Harry laughs.

"At least you're not _really_ old, like twenty-one."

"Fuck off," Louis says, digging his fingers into Harry's ribs.

"Language!" Harry says between laughs and Louis tickles him harder. Zayn _really_ can't breathe now, with the furious wriggling and giggling from Harry and Louis' sharp knees pressing into his stomach.

"Gerroff," he groans, shoving them until they let up and he sits up, fixing his hair. Harry flings an arm around his neck and pulls him in to smack a kiss on his cheek.

"Missed you."

"I missed you too, you overgrown monkey." Harry laughs again, nuzzling his face into Zayn's hair and hugging him tighter. "Why are you so bloody affectionate?"

"Cause I haven't seen you in months!"

"It's barely been one."

"Still counts. I live for your hugs, Zayn."

"Excuse me," Louis objects, climbing over until he's sitting in their laps, "but that is a lie, seeing as I give better hugs than this wanker."

"Aww, Lewis. Are you feeling left out?" Harry coos and extracts an arm from around Zayn to pull Louis in. "You know I love you too."

"Well, the feeling's not mutual," he tells him, but it's not very effective when he's grinning as wide as he is. "I despise you and your stupid hair. Yours too, Zayner."

"Don't say that," Zayn says, running his hand through Louis' product-sticky hair.

"You're going to make it a mess!"

"It's already a mess."

Louis glares at them. "It was tastefully disheveled, Harold, quite unlike your unruly locks. And now he's gone and mucked it up."

"Poor Louis," says Harry, tugging Louis over so that he can rub his chin in his hair. Louis sputters but doesn't fight too hard.

"Hey, you lot started cuddling without me?"

"Niall!" Harry shouts, grinning up at the blonde and beckoning him over. "S'alright, you can still join. Come on over, then. You too, Liam. It's birthday cuddles for Zayn."

Zayn looks up at Liam's name and his heart doesn't _stop,_ that would be _ridiculous,_ but it does stutter a little. His breath might catch in his lungs a bit. Louis hears, the prick, and smirks at him, earning a pinch in the side for his trouble.

Liam is fitter than he remembered; his hair's grown out a little so he can style it in a mini-quiff. And he's got a nonchalant sort of air that would be convincing if Zayn didn't see the flutter in his hands and the hesitancy in his eyes.

Niall happily joins in the heap, collapsing next to Harry and tucking his head under his chin. He taps Louis on the nose once. Louis tries biting him, ignoring the laughter he gets.

"C'mon Liam," Harry calls up and Liam starts. Nodding jerkily, he sits next to Zayn.

"Hi," Zayn breathes and it feels like the first time he's breathed in months.

"Hi," Liam answers, smiling like it's a habit, like he isn't even aware of the way his face lights up. "Happy birthday."

 

There's a heaviness settling in Zayn's bones, but it's not the bad kind. It's not the kind of heaviness that turns everything sour and traps him to the ground— the kind of heaviness that weighed him down when Perrie left. No, this is a good feeling, like snuggling under a pile of blankets after a day in the snow, or the beat of the sun after a day of swimming. It feels like an anchor, these boys tethering him to them so he can't float away, can't get lost.

He sighs with the feeling, thinking that he could sink through the floor and just melt. Liam sighs next to him and he wonders if he feels the same way, feels like this is all right.

Feels like he's at home.

Louis is chatting away to Ava, who answers him in her nonsense words. Harry and Niall are tangled up in a fight for the last spoonfuls of curry. Liam's smiling at them all and wrinkling his nose whenever Louis says something particularly silly or Niall knocks another few grains of rice to the ground.

"Reckon she'll say my name anytime soon?" Louis says from the floor and Zayn chuckles.

"Dunno. 'Louis' is a bit difficult to say, like, for a year old."

"She's almost two now, isn't she?" Harry calls from the table in the corner, knocking Niall's hand away from his plate. "Or will be, in April?"

"Bloody hell." It slips from his mouth before he can stop it because he's about to be the father of a terrible two. "I'm not old enough for this."

"C'mon, Ava. Say 'Louis'. S'easy."

"It's not easy," Harry says.

"Easier than Harry or Hazza or whatever you're trying to get her to say."

"Baba," Ava says, grinning up at Zayn. He picks her up, ignoring Louis' protests, and sets her down on his lap.

"Hey, babe," Liam whispers and she looks at him with bright eyes. He reaches and rubs her head with his hand, ruffling her hair.

"Can you say 'Liam'? It'll make your Uncle Lou really mad if you do," Zayn encourages, meeting Louis' dirty look with a smirk. Louis mouths an _arsehole_ at him and he sticks his tongue out. "C'mon, babe. Leeyum."

"Liam," the boy on the other side of him echoes and Ava puckers her lips. "Liam."

"Lee."

It's enough. Zayn and Liam whoop from the sofa, drowning out the others' protests. Zayn presses her to his chest and kisses her soundly on the forehead.

"You're a genius, babe."

"She was trying to say Louis," Louis grumbles, halfheartedly glaring at them. "It was mostly my doing."

"Say it again, Ava. Leeyum."

"Lee."

"Brilliant," laughs Liam and he's pressed up so close to him, the length of their arms touching and Zayn swears he can feel Liam's laugh in every part of his body. Liam stills, noticing their proximity, and Zayn blushes as he leans over. Liam looks away, fingers tapping away at his thigh, and glances over his shoulder.

"I think Niall's won this round, Styles," he says and Harry rounds on Niall for snatching the last of the rice off his plate.

"I was _going_ to eat that, you and your _bottomless_ stomach. Honestly, Nialler." Niall grins at him through a mouthful and Harry clicks his tongue. "Utterly disgusting." He reaches over to cuff him, but Niall is too quick and dodges out of the way. He vaults the back of the sofa, wincing slightly when he lands on his bad knee, and pulls Liam's arm over him.

"Save me," he giggles and Liam automatically tightens his grip.

"Sorry, Harry," he says with a little shrug. "I'm with him on this one. Those blue eyes are impossible to resist."

Zayn barks a laugh at the irony, but it's lost in Louis' complaints.

"I have blue eyes and you never feel the need to protect _me._ "

"That's cause you're all sharp edges and can protect yourself, Tommo. I'm just a poor lad from Mullingar, Ireland," Niall tells him with a huge smile. Louis throws his hands up and falls back onto the floor.

"I can't win tonight, can I?"

"It's cause you're losing your edge in your old age," Harry says as he curls up next to Zayn and Ava. Louis growls a warning from the floor before getting up and yanking on Harry's curls.

"Take that back."

"Aww, did I offend you?"

"Are you looking for a fight, mate?" Zayn whispers to him and Harry winks.

"I've just been missing you all."

Louis softens at that, squeezing in next to him and patting his shoulder. "Are you getting sentimental in your young age?"

"No," he answers, somewhat sulkily. "Is it a bad thing if I simply want to tell you how much I love you. Cause, like, I do. You're all like my brothers, yeah?"

"Stop it, Harold," Louis says gruffly. "You're gonna make me cry."

Zayn glances over at him, because Louis has been known to tear up at the drop of the hat. He cries when he's happy and when he's angry—strangely not when he's sad, preferring to lash out instead. Harry's the one that cries when he's sad—but he's just a little misty-eyed.

Zayn rubs his fingers over Louis' legs and knocks his head into Harry's. Liam's at his side and Niall's playing with Ava's hair and it just feels _right._

They work their way through _Iron Man_ when Ava's gone to bed and it's honestly the best birthday he's had in a long while.

 

"I think Liam's ignoring me," he tells Harry two weeks later. Harry pauses and frowns up at him.

"What do you mean?"

"He's ignoring me."

"I saw him talking to you yesterday. He's not ignoring you."

Zayn rubs at his cheek and sighs, unable to find the words. "I can't explain it, like. But he's different, more reserved around me? I dunno, stays at the edges of the room and doesn't… doesn't ever like touch me any more? S'make sense?"

"I guess," Harry says slowly in a very Harry-like way. Zayn almost smiles at the sound. "I don't see it, but I'm not as in tune to Liam as you are."

"I'm not—"

"Don't start. You two are like bloody planets revolving around each other. I swear he could be hurt in London and you would know."

Zayn sighs and contemplates arguing but he knows there's no point. Harry's got his smug grin on, he knows he's right, and he's willing to fight on this.

"Do you and Lou hold meetings on how to annoy me?"

"Nah, that comes naturally," Harry says, chuckling. "We do meet up with Niall to do damage control. Got t-shirts and everything. Zayn + Liam Forever."

"Twats."

"It takes a lot of work, keeping you two in line," he tells him solemnly, but he can't hide the laughter in his eyes.

Zayn accepts the change of topic— Harry's close to Niall and Liam too and he's not asking for anyone to take side, not at all— and hip-checks him, smirking when Harry loses his balance and nearly topples.

"Ava can't even walk yet and she's still better at standing up than you," he laughs as Harry glares.

"Must you be so incorrigible?"

"Fancy words."

"You're not the only one who can read, Zayner." Harry grins at him and shakes the hair out of his eyes. "I'm not Niall or Louis or Liam, who can't be bothered."

"Liam reads!"

"Comics," Harry scoffs and Zayn rolls his eyes at the old debate.

"That's still literature, mate."

"If you say so."

Zayn sticks his tongue out and Harry copies him. Louis, wandering in after a nap, blearily rubs his eyes at the sight of them.

"Bloody children, you two."

They both stick their tongues out in unison and Louis bleats a fond laugh.

 

Liam is never alone in the same room as Zayn. It's deliberate, they both know it, but he always manages to make some excuse and shuffle out. Or pull someone in. Or press a finger to his lips and gesture to the pile of sleeping boys. And so Zayn keeps planning for the next day.

It's harder because they don't have any classes together this term; their schedules are seemingly opposite of each other. He sees him in a rush on his way back from class, or when Liam's in line for a coffee during his shift.

It's maddening, is what it is. Zayn can feel it almost like an itch. He doesn't like things unresolved and this is one loose string he's yet to tie off.

He mentions it to Harry again and he just clicks his tongue noncommittally. Zayn sighs and wonders when he lost one of his best mates to another.

"Heyyy," Harry protests, poking him in the cheek. "You haven't lost me at all. I'm still your best mate, s'just I'm his too. And so is Niall. And so is Louis. See? We're just all best friends."

Zayn wrinkles his nose and pokes Harry back, right in the dimples. "That's quite a lot of best friends."

"So? There's enough love to go around."

"How do I know I want to love Niall? Pesky little Irish shit that he is."

"If you can love Louis, I'm pretty sure you can love everyone," says Harry decisively and Zayn laughs, murmuring his agreement into Harry's neck. Harry squeezes him tight 'round the middle and sings, and Zayn can feel it against his chest.

"You're a right flower child, Hazza," he tells him fondly, stepping away and ruffling Harry's curls. Harry pouts and leans out of reach. Shaking his hair back into place, he crosses his arms.

"Doesn't mean I'm wrong, though."

"You're always wrong," Niall announces as he winds his arms around Harry's neck. Zayn reckons he's got a sixth sense for cuddles; he always shows up right when the hugging starts. "What're we chatting about?"

"How we're all each other's best friends and that's why I can't comment on Zayn's theory that Liam is avoiding him."

" _Harry_ ," Zayn hisses and gets a sheepish smile.

"Sorry, Zayner. No secrets among best mates, yeah? Also s'not like he doesn't know already, right?"

"I'm not going to say anything," Niall drawls and Harry pats his head soothingly. "But you can't blame him if he is, right?" He looks at Zayn with an almost-challenge in his eyes, daring Zayn to say something of the contrary.

"No, I get it, like. I just don't enjoy it."

"Do something to change it," Harry suggests and he can feel Niall freeze against his side.

"I'll think about it."

Harry hums at that promise and tugs all three of them in so they're close, draping arms around each other and knocking heads.

"You know you're an idiot," Niall says finally and it sets the two of them to giggling. Zayn snuffles a laugh into Niall's shoulder and echoes his sentiment.

"You're both idiots."

"We're all idiots," Harry corrects and Zayn shrugs.

"But you love us anyway," Niall says smugly.

"Yeah, I do. No idea why, but I do."

 

The knock on the door is so unexpected and unwanted that Zayn nearly laughs. Stalking over, he throws it open with a snarl. Liam jumps and then smiles at him, even as he stiffens.

"Hey, um, I'm looking for Louis…" His eyes widen as he takes in Zayn, whose hair is a mess and is covered with stains and quite feeling like he'd like to punch something. "Are you alright?"

"Louis," he bites out, practically vibrating, "is with Eleanor."

"Is that a bad thing? I thought you liked El?"

"It is when you're stuck at home with a year and a half old _child_ who is running a fever and sicking up all over herself."

"Are you here by yourself?"

"Yes, because I cannot get in contact with abso-fucking-lutely _anyone_ and I don't know what to do and I'm afraid Ava's going to need to go to Hospital and she's sick and I—"

"Breathe, Zayn," Liam commands, stepping into his space and leaning his forehead against Zayn's. He chokes a little at the sudden contact. "Breathe." He does, inhaling through his nose in a nice and steady rhythm, trying to match Liam's. After a moment, Liam smiles—Zayn can feel him smile— and whispers, "Are you good now?"

"Think so."

"Good." Liam nods once and steps back. "Now, what's wrong? Tell me in small terms, yeah? I'm not good at medical stuff."

He sits on the sofa, dropping his head into his hands for a moment before starting. "Ava's been feeling poorly all day, just sniffling and coughing, like. Louis went out with Eleanor because she wasn't that unwell and I thought she just needed a nap. She wakes up halfway through, shrieking and vomiting."

"How long ago was that?"

"Two hours, I think?" He glances down at his fingers and sighs. "Yeah, that sounds about right. I threw her in the bath but she was sick again, and she started running a fever about an hour ago?"

"Have you given her any medication?"

"She just threw it up."

"How long ago?"

"An hour, right after her fever."

"Where's she now?" He points in the general direction of his bedroom, leaning back on the sofa. "Is she asleep?"

"I hope so."

"Okay, go get a shower or something. I'll stay and handle anything that happens when you're in there. Get a fresh change of clothes, too."

"Are you insinuating I smell, Liam?" he asks as he stretches his arms above his head, pretending he doesn't notice Liam's eyes dart to the skin that shows on his stomach.

"No," he answers in a flat voice, "I'm saying you've got baby sick all over you and it can't be comfortable. Or smell nice, for that matter."

Zayn laughs. "I am a bit ripe, babe. You can admit it."

"Fine then. You smell bloody awful and I can't stand you. Go wash up." Grinning at him, he does, shutting himself into the bathroom and enjoying the feeling of being completely alone for once.

He takes his time in the shower, scrubbing himself twice with Louis' grapefruit body wash— if Louis was a scent, it would be grapefruit, he thinks, strong and light and sharp all at once—and rinsing his hair with Harry's shampoo that he keeps here.

He doesn't hear any screams or cries or things dropping, so he assumes Liam's got everything under control.

Liam.

He hadn't even tried to leave, and for that Zayn is eternally grateful. He was going out of his mind stuck here in this flat and worrying about his daughter. He needed to breathe, and now he can.

He shuts off the water and belatedly realises he forgot to bring clothes that weren't stained and disgusting with him. Wrapping the towel around his waist, he chances it and darts into the bedroom.

Liam's there— because of course he is, present at every embarrassing moment Zayn's had lately— whispering to Ava and he glances up when he hears Zayn.

"She just—oh. Um."

A blush stains his cheeks and down the back of his neck as he determinedly stares anywhere but at him. Zayn is half torn between laughing and cringing, but years of living with Louis' confidence and Harry's nakedness has rendered him a little shameless when it comes to his body.

"Sorry?"

"Nah, it's fine. Your flat after all? I'll just…" He coughs once and reaches down to pick up Ava. Still refusing to make eye contact, he carefully steps around Zayn and out into the hallway, shutting the door firmly behind him.

He pulls on the first clothes he can find and rubs the towel over his head, absentmindedly thinking that he needs a haircut. Maybe when everything settles down.

Liam's got Ava sitting on the counter when he emerges and he's pressing a washcloth to her head. He looks up when Zayn hip-checks him and flushes again.

"Vas happening, babe?"

"I thought—" he clears his throat once and ducks his head closer to Ava. "I thought a cold rag would help. She was looking a bit feverish."

"Well, yeah. She's got a fever."

Liam rolls his eyes and frowns. "You know what I mean."

Ava lets out a whimper when Liam pats her blotchy face with the washcloth, singing something soothing under his breath. "Does that feel good, baby?"

She sticks her thumb in her mouth and nods. "Lee."

"That's right, it's Liam." Zayn leans down and gives her a kiss on the top of her head. She still feels warm, even with her hair damp. "Are you still feeling poorly?"

She nods again, leaning into him with a sniff. Zayn's heart breaks a little; he understands all the times when his mum would tell him she'd rather be sick for him because he feels it now. He wishes he could take it away so she could be her usual smiling self.

"Do you have a thermometer?" Liam asks quietly and Zayn frowns, thinking.

"Um, maybe in the first aid kit? It's in the loo, behind the mirror." He carries Ava to the sofa as Liam rummages through the cabinet, rocking her gently as she whines. Liam comes back victorious and hands the thermometer to Zayn.

"Turn on the telly, yeah?" he says, nodding to it. "I think _Toy Story_ _'_ _s_ in. We'll let her watch it while we take her temperature."

Liam starts up the movie and settles next to Zayn, flashing him a grin. " _Toy Story_ _'_ _s_ my favourite."

He knows, but he's not going to tell that to Liam. He just slides the thermometer under Ava's arm and waits for the beeping. "38.8. Is that bad?"

"Dunno, hold on," he types in the numbers into Google, biting his lip as he does. Not that Zayn notices that. "Um, it's a low-grade fever? But close to being high?"

"So we don't have to take her to A&E then?"

"I don't think so. I could ring my mum, she's a nurse."

"Yeah, maybe you should."

So Liam stands and leans against the counter in the kitchen, flipping on the kettle as he waits for the phone to ring.

Zayn panics, just a little, because the they haven't spoken properly in so long, just the two of them, and now everything is settling into place as easily as if they'd never stopped. It's a little disconcerting and a lot comforting and he doesn't quite know how to deal with it.

Before he can figure it all out, Liam's squeezing in next to him again with a cup in each hand. "She says not to worry, unless her fever goes up a degree or two higher or she vomits blood."

Zayn makes a face. "Lovely. Oh god, could that really happen?"

"I think it's rare, but just to be safe."

"Okay, yeah." He takes a sip of his tea, only mildly surprised when it's exactly right, and focuses on the telly. "Are you going to cry at this, Payno?"

Liam nudges him in the side. "Quiet, Malik. M'trying to watch." He chuckles and stops talking, enjoying the comfort that comes from being all domestic and definitely does _not_ come from the heat radiating off Liam. He lets Ava be lulled to sleep by the movie she's seen too many times already and the steady brush of his hand on her leg. Liam glances over every once in a while and smiles at the two of them. He touches a few fingers to her forehead.

"She's still really warm."

"Yeah, I can feel it." She's like a heater in his lap, skin sticky with sweat. "Hand me the washcloth?" Liam does and he wipes her face and arms with it. She doesn't move.

"Being ill is exhausting."

"Especially for a nearly-two year old."

"Has she drunk anything? Since she was sick?"

Zayn frowns, tapping a finger against her thigh, and shakes his head. "I think she couldn't keep it down."

"That's not good. We don't want her to be all dehydrated. Reckon it's time to try some more medicine as well?"

"Yeah." Liam puts the movie on pause and fills a cup with water. Grabbing the pink cup sitting on the counter, he brings that over too. "Try to get her to drink something first, I think."

The water's cool, not cold, but Ava still whimpers when they bring it to her lips. "C'mon, wake up. You've got to drink this." She reluctantly opens her mouth and takes little sips. Zayn makes her drink half the cup before he lets her fall asleep again. "Maybe that's the worst of it?"

Ava vomits twice more before midnight, and it's honestly one of the worst nights of his life. He runs out of sheets to put on her bed and runs the washer as she sleeps on a blanket in her crib. There's a pile of disgusting clothes that he also dumps in the wash, if only because he can't stand the smell.

At twelve-thirty, when it's been quiet for a few minutes, Louis comes home.

"What's going on?" he says, looking between the two. "Did you finally talk?"

Zayn flips him off when Liam's not looking. "No, Ava's been sick and he decided to stay and help. It's been awful, Lou."

"Hey, it's alright," he soothes, coming over to rub at his back. "Go to bed, yeah? I'll wake her up in the morning and whatever."

"I'm going to wait another half hour, just in case. But yeah, bed sounds good."

Louis nods once. "Do you need my help?"

"I think we've got it. Thanks, Tommo," Liam says, waving at him as he goes off to bed. "I'll get the clothes this time?"

"Just throw the sheets on the sofa or something. I'm too tired to bother with this tonight." He drains the last of his sixth cup of tea, grimacing at the bitter taste. His eyes are so heavy and he just want to sink into his bed.

"I guess I'll go then," mumbles Liam around a huge yawn as he drops a pile of freshly-washed linens on the sofa. Zayn frowns at him, making a split second decision in his mind.

"Just stay here tonight. You're knackered and yeah, just stay."

"You sure?"

"Of course." He stands, beckoning to him. "C'mon then, c'mon."

"Oh." Liam blushes again and Zayn chuckles. He's making a habit of it. "I thought… I could just sleep on the sofa."

"Nah, it's really uncomfortable, like. Just sleep in my bed. Louis's bloody awful to sleep with."

Liam smiles and it's warm, even if it's smudged around the edges. "You say that every time I sleep here."

"That's because it's always true. If you want to wake up in the morning with a punch to the face, then be my guest."

"No, thank you. And this way I can help if Ava needs something in the night."

Zayn blanches and whirls around to face him. "Oh shit, I didn't even think— I'm sorry, you don't have to sleep in there with her. I mean, Lou's not that bad and she might cry all night or something."

"It's fine, I don't mind. Promise." He yawns again and sways on his feet. "Can we go now? I'm dead tired, mate."

They creep into the room, quietly as possible, and Zayn rummages around for clean clothes. He's in short supply, after the way the night's gone, but he manages to find something for both of them. He pushes the bigger-feeling t shirt into Liam's hands with a pair of joggers to go with it. They change with their backs turned to each other and Zayn determinedly refuses to feel embarrassed about it.

Settling into bed is a relief. His whole body relaxes and sinks into the mattress. Liam, on the other hand, is not so comfortable. He shifts every few seconds until Zayn rolls over and tangles their legs together.

"Relax, babe," he mutters, a little too tired to be thinking clearly, and presses a kiss to Liam's cheek. Liam sighs, and Zayn digs his toe into his calf. "No goodnight kiss for me?"

Liam stiffens for a second and Zayn tucks himself closer to him, like he can't help it. Liam's magnetic and he can't stay away, as much as either of them tries.

He knows the exact second Liam makes up his mind, because he shivers a little bit and then goes still. He cranes his neck to peck at Zayn's cheek but misses and then _oh._ His mouth settles on Zayn's and whatever he thought about home was wrong, because this is home and belonging and what it should be.

He hums against his lips, his mind telling him to stop and but his body unwilling. It feels a lot like being drunk, being sleep deprived, and everything's fuzzy and dreamlike. Except Liam, that's all soft and solid under his lips.

Liam breaks away first with a gasp like coming up for air. "Zayn—"

"No," he decides, putting a hand over his mouth. This is not a discussion to whisper while a sick baby sleeps right next to them, while they're exhausted and, apparently, prone to stupid choices. "Sleep."

He closes his eyes, wriggling himself under Liam's arm, and dreams.

 

The sun paints the backs of his eyelids a fiery red as he slowly wakes up. There's not a little knee pushing into his belly but the heavy weight of a hand instead. His face is pressed into a shoulder that smells like earth and sweat and pine.

He drags his eyes opens and meets Liam's, him blinking at him in a drowsy morning way. He frowns for a moment, brows pushing together, and then smiles softly.

"Hi."

"Morning, babe," Zayn answers, a smile tugging on his own lips. Liam sighs once as he buries his face in the pillow.

"Where's Ava?"

"Lou has her, remember? So that we could get some rest." He turns his head enough to squint at Zayn, teeth digging into his lips as he thinks.

"Shit," he breathes and Zayn blinks in shock. "Last night— _shit._ _"_ He jerks away from him and nearly falls off the bed. Zayn reaches out and grabs his wrist, pulling gently until Liam's not in danger of crashing to the floor.

"What's the matter?"

"I'm so stupid, I swear I didn't mean to— it was an accident. I'm sorry, it won't happen again," he babbles. Zayn frowns, finding it difficult to keep up this soon after waking up.

"Are you talking about the kiss?"

" _Yes._ I just— shit. I was doing so well and I fucked it up again." He loosens Zayn's hand that's still clinging to his arm and sits up, sliding his legs off the bed. "I'm sorry," he mutters as he scrambles up and Zayn sits as well.

"Where're you going?"

"Out," he says, determinedly looking anywhere else. Zayn barks a short laugh, nervously smoothing down his sleep-crazy hair.

"Why?"

"Because I kissed you."

"And I liked it, so I don't see why you're running away." Liam freezes, a hand on his neck and his back to the bed. "Sit back down and let's talk about this, yeah?"

He does but Zayn gets the feeling he's about to bolt at any sudden movements. "You… liked it?"

Zayn snorts. "Thought that much was obvious."

"But you yelled last time."

"Yeah, well you surprised me." He ducks his head and picks at the coverlet. "I didn't think you liked boys. And you were kissing Danielle the night before, so I couldn't…" he trails off but Liam gives his knee a nudge.

"You couldn't what?"

"I liked you _so much_ and I couldn't deal with it any more after I saw you. Like, it was too painful and then you found me alone and I could barely look at you—"

"I remember that," Liam says, frowning. "I thought you were upset."

"I was upset at myself. Cause, like, I had hoped and then I thought I had been wrong and it just was too much. And then you kissed me after we fought and I didn't know what to think."

"I figured you wouldn't want to be friends with me anymore and I tried giving you space."

"Don't do that again, that was awful," Zayn interrupts, kicking him in the shin. "You wouldn't stay in the same room as me."

"I'm a coward."

"Yeah, well I'm an idiot, so I guess we're even." Liam grins at him and Zayn grins back and everything is painted in bright sunshine. "So," he says after a moment, "where does that leave us, like?"

"I dunno," Liam hummed, shifting closer, "but I kind of like kissing you."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. I'd kind of like to do it again?"

"Okay," he says and leans forward to do just that.

It's even better kissing Liam when they're not sleepy or confused; he's able to appreciate everything more. Liam's hands are soft as they trail along his jaw or brush against his side. Zayn's hands are caught between them, pressed up against Liam's chest so he's not complaining. Liam cups the back of his head and deepens the kiss, gasping when Zayn bites down on his lip.

"That was," Zayn says shakily when they break apart, "that was really nice? Can we do that some more?"

Liam chuckles and runs his tongue over his swollen mouth. "Anytime, yeah?" He kisses him again, short this time. "I'm sorry for my morning breath."

"And there goes the mood," Zayn sighs, making a face. "It was good until you said something."

"Sorry," Liam says but he doesn't mean it. "It's probably good with Louis and the baby just out the door."

"Don't remind me. Do you know how smug Louis'll be?" Zayn groans and Liam copies it.

"Intolerable. He'll tell us to stay out of his room."

"Probably won't let us sit next to each other ever again."

"Make comments every time we even look at each other."

"Reckon we should not tell him?"

Liam looks at him, a wicked grin spreading across his face. "Like keep it a secret?"

"Yeah."

"From everyone?"

"Yeah. They're going to be furious when they find out."

"That's the fun part, innit?" Liam says and Zayn nods. "And like, having something just for us?"

Zayn gets it. Liam and Niall and Louis and Harry are all twined together, pouring into each others lives. And Zayn loves it, he does, but he just wants to keep this Liam all to himself for a while.

"I don't think I can pretend to be mad at you, though," Liam muses, absentmindedly tracing over Zayn's face with his hand. He smiles and leans into the touch.

"Please don't. We can just say we've made up."

"But not made out."

"That's actually terrible," he tells him after a moment. "Take that back right now."

"Don't think I will."

"I could make you." He swears Liam's eyes go dark.

"I'd like to see you try."

Ten minutes later, they reluctantly get out of the bed and pull on proper clothes, counting it a victory that neither of them have marks in any places that can be seen. Louis grins at them when they shuffle out to the kitchen.

"You two looked rather cute sleeping in the same bed."

"Well, we are adorable, Tommo," Liam says with a sniff and Louis laughs as he hands Ava another piece of banana.

"Are you two speaking again, then?"

Zayn shrugs. "We've talked."

"Just talked?"

Zayn shrugs again and does not look at Liam. Louis heaves a sigh, muttering a quiet "wankers" under his breath.

"What was that, Lou?"

"Bloody ridiculous," he says, mock-glaring at Liam. "You two are bloody ridiculous."

"At least we're not mental."

"Debatable."

"You would know," Zayn retorts, biting back on a smile. Louis frowns at him and throws his hands up.

"Is this how I'm repaid for being nice? I let you lot have a lie-in, taking care of the little devil there —"

"Oi."

"Shut it, Zayn. You two should be showering me with affection and monetary gifts."

"We're sorry," Liam says, coming up to give Louis a hug. Louis goes for his chest but Liam sidesteps it.

"Say it like you mean it and then you can have a hug," he tells him serenely and Liam does, laughing all the way.

 

Nothing much changes, in the long run. They behave exactly the same as they did before the argument, but just exchange quick kisses when no one's around. Harry and Niall give them enthusiastic hugs the first time they see them interacting again.

"Knew you would work it out," Niall says proudly. "You two can't stay mad at each other for too long."

"That's 'cause they're idiots," Louis puts in. Liam catches him in a headlock and musses his hair mercilessly, Louis complaining loudly.

"That hurts, Payno! You're too strong."

"Don't be a little shit and he'll leave you alone," says Zayn as he dodges the kick Louis sends his way. "I know it's difficult for you but maybe you can manage it?"

"Are you quite finished?" he says, chin in the air. Zayn and Liam snicker and he sighs. "I liked you better when you were avoiding each other. At least then I got some bloody peace."

Zayn scowls at him and crosses his arms. "I don't like you. Liam's my favourite now."

"Aww, what about me?" Niall whines and curls up under Louis' arm. Liam bends down to peck Niall on the top of his head.

"He didn't mean it. You're our favourite, always," Liam says and Niall's grin is two parts sunny, one part mischievous.

"I know."

Harry pouts from his place on the floor, looking up from where he's playing with Ava. "I'm your favourite too!"

"I swear, I have three children," Zayn says and the boys laugh. "Well, three children and an arsehole of a teenager." He raps Louis' shin with a knuckle.

"S'not nice to call Liam an arsehole. He hasn't done anything."

"Liam is too responsible to be my child," Zayn counters, flushing a little at how strange that sounds. "I don't have to take care of him like I do you."

"Bet he would like it if you took care of him," Niall mumbles into Louis' shirt, barely loud enough for him to hear, so he ignores it. He catches Liam's eye—noting the red that's on his cheeks—and jerks his head.

"I'm going to go call for takeaway."

"Not pizza again." Harry demands.

"I'm in the mood for Chinese, actually," muses Louis and he knocks his palm against Niall's shoulder. "How does that sound, Nialler?"

"S'good."

"Chinese it is."

"Don't forget the fortune cookies."

Liam rolls his eyes. "Heaven forbid Harry Styles does not get his fortune cookies. The end of the world would be upon us."

"Don't be rude. Fortune cookies are an important part of Chinese takeaway," Harry tells him, looking properly offended. Louis and Niall smother their giggles with their hands on the sofa and Liam stares back at Harry.

"They're rubbish."

"Why're they rubbish?"

"They taste like cardboard."

"Well, everyone's entitled to their own opinion, even if yours is wrong. Right, Ava?" Ava blows a raspberry and Harry scowls. "You could be more helpful, baby."

She crawls forward and tugs on his curls happily. "Ha."

Louis squints at her over Niall's hair. "Is she laughing at you or did she try to say your name?"

"I dunno, let's check. Ava, say 'Harry'."

Zayn leaves them to their prodding because he's hungry and it's not the first time Ava's said Harry's name.

"What's wrong, babe?" Liam whispers, coming up beside him.

"I think I forgot to tell Harry that Ava's said his name before. It was once, like, a few days ago when we were just hanging."

Laughing quietly, he winds his arms around Zayn's waist and presses a small kiss to his cheek. "You're cute."

"I am a grown man, I am not cute. I am _hot_ ," Zayn says haughtily over Liam's chuckles. "'Sides, you're the cute one."

"We are not going to be that disgusting couple who argues over who's cuter," says Liam with a wrinkle of his nose, "so I'm going to stop now."

"This conversation never happened. Can you imagine if they heard that?" He jerks his head towards the living room and Liam shudders.

"Horrific." He leans in for a kiss and—

"Zayner!" They both freeze at the sound, holding their breath and feeling the other tense. "Make sure you ask for extra sweet and sour, yeah?"

"Course, Niall," Zayn croaks back and presses his lips together to keep the laughter in. Liam is shaking beside him and it's making it awfully hard to concentrate. He manoeuvres his arm so he can get in a good elbow to Liam's stomach and drops his voice to a mutter. "Shh, you're going to give us away."

"Sorry," he says but keeps laughing. Zayn untangles himself with a groan and grabs his phone off the counter.

" _You_ can be the one to order, then. I'll tell you what to say and you repeat it, yeah?"

Liam throws him an exaggerated wink. "Anything for you, babe."

"Gross," he teases, pretending to gag, and it's Liam's turn to jab him in the side with an elbow. He's noticeably gentler about it but it hurts regardless.

"Prat," he shoots back. Zayn just smirks and hands him the phone.

 

"Do you think they're getting suspicious?" Liam asks, when they're out at the market. "Like, do they know something's going on?"

"Has Louis said anything to you?"

"No."

"Then he's not suspicious. Trust me, we'll know when he finds out," Zayn says and drops a bag of something organic into the basket.

"What's that for?"

"It's for Harry. He goes on these occasional health binges, like. I came home one day and found scented candles all around the flat because it was supposed to "cleanse my aura" or some other shit."

"He doesn't even live with you," Liam exclaims, laughing.

"Yeah, that's the problem, right? Lou had a fit and made Harry take them all away. Said he liked the way his aura was, dirty or not."

Liam snorts. "Typical." Zayn chuckles and puts a few bananas in a bag. They're his daughter's favourite and they always seem to run out too fast. Zayn blames Harry, personally, but he's never owned up. Liam frowns at a pack of sweets. "Do you think these are safe for Ava?"

"Probably not," he answers and Liam puts them away. He glances into the cart and mentally adds up the total. It's going to be a lot, for a late night run, and he's getting paid next week and—

"You okay, babe?" Liam asks, knocking his hip into him and grabbing him around the waist.

"Yeah, tired." And stressed. He puts away the organic food and a couple of packs of noodles when Liam's distracted.

"It's barely eight, Malik. Are you getting old?"

Zayn glares at him but it does nothing to diminish Liam's smile. "You try having a baby wake you up at bloody six in the morning, every morning, and then you can make fun."

"I get up at six and I'm fine."

"Don't remind me," Zayn says, mock-shuddering. "You and your fitness. You should trade tips with Harry about nutrition or summat."

"A juice detox would be nice, don't you think?"

"I'm going to pretend those words never came out of your mouth. Let's go ring these up, yeah?" Liam laughs and Zayn tangles their hands together. They pay and it's an alright price, not too too much, and he'll be fine until the next pay check. If Liam notices his tenseness, he doesn't comment on it, thankfully.

Liam hums under his breath as they walk home and Zayn joins in when he shifts from Justin Timberlake to Drake.

"We probably look mental," Liam says after about half a block, "singing as we cart groceries around."

"Can't blame us with the friends we have."

"And singing never hurt anyone. Maybe we'll make someone's day because we're singing their favourite song or something."

Zayn stops and just stares at him. Liam glances back and raises an eyebrow.

"Is something wrong?"

"Nah, you're just very kind."

"A compliment from Mr Zayn Malik? It must be my lucky day."

"You're also very cheesy," he tells Liam and the corners of his eyes crinkle.

"But not as much as Harry?"

"Babe, you could never be as much as Harry."

Liam whistles a little, beaming at him and swinging the grocery bags between them.

"What took you so long?" Louis demands when they return. "Ava's already gone to sleep. Did you stop to snog or something?"

"Honestly, Louis," Zayn says, not able to hide his blush. They had, in fact, had stopped in the doorway of an old, out of the way building and kissed until Zayn's back had begun to hurt from the post-box poking him and Liam had hit his head a little too hard.

Louis just grins cheekily at them and wags his eyebrows. "I bet if you wanted to snog, Liam would've been happy to oblige," he whispers when Liam goes to put the bags in the kitchen and Zayn rolls his eyes.

"Stay out of my love life."

"You don't have one, bro. That's the problem." Zayn gives him a light punch and tweaks his nipples for good measure. Louis yelps and scrambles backwards. "You're an awful person."

"I'm rubber and you're glue—"

"Are you an actual child?"

"I learned from the best." Louis looks at him, debating whether he was just given a compliment or an insult. With a shrug, he accepts it and goes back to his video game.

 

Liam stays the night a few times, creeping into Zayn's bed when Louis falls asleep early and waking up at six to leave just as quietly.

Sometimes it's just the two of them, sometimes Ava cries until she's snuggled in between.

"I'm sorry," Zayn mumbles the first time it happens. "I should be, like, teaching her not to sleep with me but I can't help it, like."

"It's fine," Liam reassures him, stretching his hand over to rub his back. "I'm just worried I'll roll over her or something."

"You don't move in your sleep, hardly."

"If you're sure… I could go sleep—"

Zayn sighs. "How many times are you going to try and get out of sleeping in bed? Like, do you not enjoy it?"

"No, I do. I don't want to be an inconvenience."

"You could never," Zayn says and brushes his lips over Liam's.

 

Harry's nineteenth birthday party is at some restaurant downtown, and he loves Harry, truly, but there is little in him that actually wants to attend. Harry has a lot of friends that Zayn doesn't know and he'd rather just not go. But it's Harry, so he finds himself frowning at the mirror.

"Can I just wear a t-shirt?" he yells. "Or do we have to follow Hazza's lead and dress in ridiculous clothes?"

"Let's not and wear t-shirts in protest," Louis says, eyes gleaming and smirk firmly in place. Zayn raises his eyebrows.

"Of what? Style?"

"Style. The man. Society. As long as we protest _something._ _"_ Rolling his eyes at Louis' dramatics, he nevertheless throws the button up he had been debating over back into the closet. He pulls on a clean shirt and grabs the rucksack his mother had given him over the holidays.

"I figured a traditional diaper bag wouldn't be a good idea," she told him, eyes twinkling.

Louis eyes narrow as he walks in. "It is one of the tragedies of life that you can look good in a bloody t-shirt and jeans without even trying. Let us mere mortals have some time to shine, yeah?"

"You wish." He looks good in a band shirt, he has no idea who they are, but Harry probably does, and— "No socks? Forget to do your washing again? Fashionable."

Louis flips him off and raises an eyebrow. "Big words coming from the man who coordinates with his daughter."

"What?" Zayn says, frowning but Louis' explanation is interrupted by a knock on the door that Zayn goes to answer.

"Hey," Liam chirps, lighting up when Zayn grins. His eyes widen a moment and then he smiles, knocking his shoulder into Zayn's as he moves past. He brushes his fingers against his, a gesture small enough to pass off as accidental. "Nice shirt."

Zayn cocks his head to the side, confused, and glances down.

 _Oh._ It's the Batman shirt Liam gave him for Christmas. He hadn't realised, hadn't even thought about it.

"Did you plan that?" Liam asks, nodding at the matching Ava and Louis' words make a lot more sense now.

"Er no, it was unintentional."

"I like it. You look good," he says easily, turning away to move into the kitchen.

"You do too," Zayn calls, ignoring the faint blush he feels on his neck and Louis' smirk.

"You are _so_ gone, mate," Louis whispers, laughing as Zayn punches his arm. He retaliates by jumping on Zayn's back and digging his heels painfully into his stomach. "Gonna call your big boyfriend for help?"

He freezes for a second, calculating, but Louis tweaks his nipple and Zayn relaxes slightly. "He's not my—"

"But you want him to be!" Louis crows and _shit,_ he has really bony legs. Zayn tells him so and that, naturally, prompts him to squeeze tighter. Zayn glances around, checking to see if Ava's safely out of the way, before collapsing onto his back on the sofa. Louis grunts underneath him and clamps his arms around him so that he can't stand up.

"Let go of me, you monkey."

"I'm not the monkey," Louis says indignantly, digging his fingers into Zayn's chest. "Harry is. We all agreed this."

"Then bloody _let go_ _—"_

"Boys, boys," Liam chides with a giggle as he drags away Louis' hands. "We're already late, so let's not make us later."

Louis slouches against the sofa and bats his eyelashes at Liam. "Does this mean I can't go fix my hair?"

"You can fix it on the bus."

"But Liam," he whines, allowing Liam to haul him up, "Harry expects us to be late anyway, so what's a few minutes?"

When Liam sighs, Louis giggles and skips away to the loo, singing as he goes. Zayn laughs and scoops Ava up from her place on the floor, hands her a biscuit to chew on and blows a raspberry against her cheek. He pecks Liam on the lips for good measure.

"You two look pretty cute," Liam tells them, smiling. "Like proper crime-fighting partners."

"Well, Zayn n'me are partners in crime, so I'm not sure how that's going to work," Louis says as he reappears and Zayn pinches him.

"We'll figure it out, yeah?"

They laugh as they walk to the station, Zayn with Ava in his arms and Louis and Liam entertaining themselves by making her show off her new talking skills.

"Where's your head, Ava?" Liam asks and claps when she points to it. "Where's your tummy?" She pats her chest and Zayn pokes her in the belly.

"Silly girl. It's here."

"Where's your phalanges?" Louis asks, eyes wide as Ava wrinkles her forehead. "C'mon, we learned this last week!"

"Really, Louis? You can't call them fingers?" Liam says dryly and Louis shrugs.

"It was Niall's idea. Phalanges?" He wriggles his fingers at her and her face clears, laughing as she shows him her hands.

"Can you count for Uncle Lou? One, two…" Zayn prompts and she takes over, rattling off sounds that are almost the numbers but not quite. They still praise her when she reaches five—or close enough to it—and she claps her hands along with them.

Later that evening, he's pressed up next to Liam in a booth, watching the people laugh around them. He handed Ava off to Caroline to play with Brooklyn and Lux and he's enjoying the pleasant feeling that comes with a glass (or two) of wine.

"This is a great birthday party," Liam muses, brushing his hand over Zayn's legs. Zayn hums for a moment.

"Maybe if Harry was turning thirty-five and not nineteen."

"It's fun! There's a photo booth."

"I know, babe," he says and nudges him. They'd gotten the obligatory pictures with all the boys, dragging Harry away from his conversations to document him covered with hugs.

They had snuck away earlier to get their own pictures, and then snuck out to exchange lazy kisses in between puffs on Zayn's cigarette.

There's nothing in him but happiness, so much that he almost feels overwhelmed with it, and so he slides his hand into Liam's. Liam jumps, turns to look at him for a moment, tightens his fingers. Zayn traces his hand with a thumb and Liam's lips curl up in a small smile.

"This is really nice, innit?" Zayn says cautiously and Liam shifts until they're even closer together, somehow, until every bit of Zayn's side is touching Liam's.

"Mhmm."

They sit there in comfortable silence, watching the people swirl around. It's really too posh for a nineteenth birthday party, but it was thrown by Harry's parents so he can't be blamed. Zayn knows that the five of them will probably go out for a proper celebration later, one that's decidedly _less_ posh. It'll probably involve a gritty bar in the hipster side of town, and too many drinks, and too many bodies.

Louis drops into the seat next to Liam and lays his head on his shoulder.

"Help me, I'm hiding."

"From?" Liam asks, chuckling quietly.

"My hordes of screaming fangirls. Also, Gemma."

"Why?"

Louis winces and shifts so he's facing them instead. "I might have spilled wine down her white shirt, but it was an accident. I swear."

"Tough luck mate," Zayn says and gives him a sympathetic grimace. "You're not doing the best at hiding, though. Sitting in plain sight."

"Good point. Maybe I'll just—" He pauses and his eyebrows shoot up. "Fucking hell."

"What?"

"Are you shitting me?" He nearly yells and they flinch. "Is this a bloody joke?"

Zayn scowls at him and clicks his tongue. "If you're just going to shout at us, you can go away. What's going on?"

"How long have you two been dating?"

Liam jumps a bit and looks over at Zayn, who shrugs. "A while."

"A while?"

"Fuck, you don't have to be so loud Louis."

"Yes, I do actually," Louis retorts, crossing his arms and scowling at them both. "Because apparently, two of my best friends have been a bloody couple for _a while_ and did not deign to tell me anything. Honestly."

"We were going to—"

"Hey, Harry!" Louis bellows over Liam and the boy stumbles over to their table. "Did you know these fuckers were dating?"

Harry's eyes widen. "No! What the— you're dating?"

"Obviously," Zayn grumbles and Liam presses a laugh into his neck. Harry looks at him with a sad look. Zayn pushes down the guilt that's building in his stomach because this was theirs to keep for a while, dammit, and he is not going to feel upset about that. "Happy birthday?"

"Why didn't you tell me?" he whines. "I've been trying to set you two up for ages and you were so chill about it."

"We appreciate it," Liam assures him, still laughing. Louis shakes his head and calls over Niall with an impatient wave.

"Nialler, did you know?"

"Well, yeah," he says and the four of them turn to stare. He shrugs, a smile playing on his lips and readjusts his snapback. "S'not like you two were careful about it. You were kind of shit at keeping it a secret, really. I walked in on you snogging _three_ times."

Louis lets out a strangled sort of noise. "I live with Zayn."

"I live with Liam. You're just not observant."

"I am too observant! I noticed that they liked each other first!"

"I told you that, Lou. You didn't notice anything," Zayn corrects and he wags a finger at him.

"Shh, I'm upset with you. Also I don't think I'm talking to you for a while."

"How long will that last?" Liam whispers to Zayn, but Louis hears and gives an indignant huff. Pulling Harry with him, he stomps away, muttering under his breath. Niall grins and sits in the booth opposite. "Why didn't you say anything?"

He shrugs and takes a sip of his pint. "Figured you'd tell me when you were ready. You must've had a reason to keep it a secret."

"Thanks Horan," Liam says, stretching to ruffle his hair. Niall bats his hand away, laughing, and lands a solid kick to Zayn's legs on accident.

"Sorry." But he's grinning too hard to make it sound sincere and Zayn's too content to even fake being upset, so he just leans against Liam. Liam pulls their still-joined hands up to kiss at Zayn's knuckles. Niall makes a retching noise and slides away with a vague excuse.

"So, that secret didn't last long," says Liam and Zayn sighs.

"It was good while it lasted. But no having to sneak around now, like. We can snog in front of them any time."

"Until they forcibly pull us apart, yeah."

"Sounds like a plan."

 

It starts, as many things do, with a comment from Louis. Actually, it starts with Eleanor, but it's Louis who drags it into existence.

Eleanor laughs when she finds out, hugging them both. She laughs even harder when they tell her they kept it from everyone.

"I approve, boys," she says, nodding at them and ignoring Louis' annoyed 'hey'. Nudging him until he makes room, she curls up on the sofa with him as he watches football. They join, sprawling out on the floor and using each other as a pillow.

"When was your first date, then?" she asks, and Liam turns to stare up at him.

"I don't think we've ever been on one? Not properly."

"Are you serious?" Louis demands, eyes still fixed on the screen

"I'm pretty sure…"

"Tossers," he mutters and wraps an arm around Eleanor's waist. She twines their fingers together.

"What were all those coffee dates, then?"

"Erm, not dates?" Zayn offers and she bends over the side of the couch to quirk an eyebrow at him. "Not proper ones," he amends. "We weren't together then."

"Could've fooled me," she says and laughs once more.

Liam is restless a few days later, his hands running up and down Zayn's side over and over again. Zayn catches them and holds them still.

"You okay, babe?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," Liam answers, tugging one free to pull at his hair. Zayn waits because Liam will talk in his own time. "I was just thinking about the other night. With Eleanor, right?"

"Yeah," he says slowly.

"Well, I was thinking, um, like what if we went on a date? Like a proper date like a proper couple."

"Are you asking me out, Liam?" Zayn teases and Liam rolls his eyes.

"Is that not obvious?" he says. "I was thinking, like, dinner? Maybe Monday? If you don't want to, that's fine. It was just a thought."

"No, that sounds sick. I like it. Italian, maybe? There's a couple of places I know…"

Liam grins at him and Zayn goes lightheaded, but only a little. "Yeah, yeah," he breathes and Zayn realises how much Liam wanted this.

"This is going to be awesome. A night just for us? Sick," he repeats, and Liam beams.

 

It's not that he panics about what he's going to wear, except that he totally does because it's _Liam_ and they're going _on a date_ and it's all so official that he can hardly bear it.

"What am I going to do?" he groans, flopping onto Louis' bed. Harry gives him a sympathetic look but no words of wisdom spill from his tongue. Instead, he coos at Ava and tries to get her to say, "Baba's in love."

"Baba is not in love, Baba is just stressed," Zayn corrects and Harry smirks.

"I think the speaking in third person gives that away."

"Hazza chee," Ava says and Harry obeys, grinning wide down at her. She pokes him in the dimples.

"You're all very adorable but I am having a meltdown here. I have nothing to wear. Fu—frick, I feel like I'm sixteen again."

"Nothing wrong with sixteen."

"I'm a bloody adult, I don't need to be dealing with this stress," Zayn groans, burying his head in the duvet. "I'm going on a date with my boyfriend and I'm panicking."

"To be fair, it is your first date."

"But it's _Liam._ "

"Is that a good thing or a bad thing?" Zayn squirms until he can see Harry, biting at his lip as he thinks.

"Both, maybe?"

"Okay. Just wondering."

"If you were in a relationship, maybe you'd sympathise better."

"I'm sorry," Harry says and rubs his back. Zayn scoffs but the sound is swallowed up into the bed.

"You're really not."

"Nope. I like being single, thank you very much."

"I swear, Harry, if you're talking about your availability again I will personally tape your mouth shut," Louis declares, sitting down squarely on Zayn's back. "No one want so to hear that shit."

Harry shushes him and glances down at Ava with a worried look. She's chattering to herself in her own little world and doesn't seem to be paying them any notice.

"Why aren't you dressed, Malik?" Louis asks, snapping the waistband of his pants. Zayn flinches and rolls so that Louis gets knocked off. He runs into Harry's knees and is stomach-level with Ava. He kisses her belly button to make her smile.

"He's having a crisis."

Louis snorts. "Diva." Ava repeats him and Louis gives her a high five.

"Am not," he protests and blindly punches behind him. Louis grunts and he hopes he hit something important.

"He doesn't know what to wear."

"Clothes would be a good start. Although, I don't think Liam would be very opposed to you going without any. You might have the police called on you, though."

"Louis, focus please. Harry's being absolutely no help at all."

"Which might be a good thing, when you think about it."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Harry frowns, blinking wide eyes at Louis. He tugs on a curl and taps him once on the nose.

"I'm sorry to tell you this, but you have questionable tastes in fashion sometimes."

"I'm offended."

"I don't particularly care," Louis retorts, rolling his eyes. "Are you finished? We have to get this one dressed and date-worthy." Harry continues to frown and Louis continues to ignore him, pulling out clothes options. "How nice is this place, then?"

"Um," Zayn flips over to stare up at him, "decently?"

"Not helping," Louis tells him. Harry sighs.

"Just wear a button up with your dark jeans, yeah? Maybe the blue one, you look good in blue."

"Just don't leave the top ten buttons undone like Harold here."

"Would you, perhaps, prefer me to leave it done up to my throat?"

"I don't care as long as you stop looking like a—"

Zayn tunes them out as he stands and goes into the bathroom to finish getting ready.

Liam arrives precisely at seven, like he said he would because that boy is nothing if he is not punctual. Louis sits him down on the sofa and fixes him with a glare.

"Now, boy. What are your intentions with our Zayn?" The harsh tone of his voice is ruined somewhat by the smirk he can't hide and Harry's giggles from the corner. Liam presses his lips together and plays along.

"I'm just taking him to dinner."

"Sir," Louis barks, startling Ava. She stares at him for a moment and starts to whimper. Louis' face falls immediately and he peers at her face. "No, don't cry love. S'just me, I'm not scary. Look what you made me do, Liam."

Zayn scoffs and takes her from Louis. "Don't blame Liam for your idiocy." He hugs her and gives her a kiss, handing her to Harry when he's done. "We're leaving now, yeah?"

"Are you nervous?" Liam asks with a cheeky grin.

"Not at all," he replies, feeling confident with his nonchalant air. Louis laughs.

"Not nervous? He was in a bloody panic."

"Was not. I was as calm as ever."

"How long did you spend on your hair then?"

Zayn flips him off and offers his hand to Liam. "Can we go? I'm tired of these two," he wines and Liam laughs.

"Goodnight, lads."

"Goodnight!" Harry says and makes Ava wave after them.

"Bring him back by midnight, Liam!"

Zayn shuts the door without answering and follows his boyfriend outside. Raising his eyebrows at the car door Liam holds open for him, he slides inside.

"You have a car?"

"Er, no actually. It's Niall's but it's a piece of shit so we don't use it very often. But he let me borrow it for tonight." He kisses Zayn's cheek. "It's a special occasion 'n all."

The car really is awful. It makes frightening grinding noises every time Liam changes gears and it smells like smoke and old pizza. The passenger window is permanently stuck an inch open and the steering wheel is wrapped in duct tape.

"This isn't going to fall apart on us, is it?"

"It might. But that's all just part of the adventure, yeah?"

Chuckling, he leans his head against the headrest. "Yeah."

The restaurant is a little crowded when they go in, but Harry had the foresight to make reservations so they are seated immediately. And, despite all his assertions, Zayn is nervous.

"Being on a proper date is weird, innit?" Liam asks and Zayn breathes out a half-laugh. Liam wrinkles his nose. "Like there are assumptions or something."

"Expectations."

"Exactly. But we're already dating so does that mean I can get spaghetti bolognese? Even if it's the first date?"

Zayn stares at him. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Oh, um," Liam blushes a bit, smoothing his fingers over the tablecloth, "like you're not supposed to eat spaghetti on the first date, cos it's messy. That and like barbecue, I think?"

"I've never heard that before."

"It read it in a magazine or something."

"Liam Payne, if you're telling me you read bloody _Seventeen_ or something, I am breaking up with you."

"No, no I swear I don't!" Liam's giggling now and he's still red. "I have older sisters, yeah, and they read it. They told me that when I went on my first date so I wouldn't make a fool out of myself in front of Dan—" he cuts himself off. "In front of Danielle."

Zayn clears his throat and straightens his cutlery. "That's nice of them."

"Yeah."

There's an awkward silence between them and Zayn shouldn't feel upset that Danielle's between them, because Perrie's there too. And he has a bloody _kid_ and Liam doesn't mind, doesn't make a fuss. But he does and he hates it, so he swallows half his glass of water.

The waiter comes around and they order. Liam does get his spaghetti bolognese and Zayn orders ravioli, because that's what he saw first.

"Zayn, that night—"

"I don't really want to talk about this on our first date, like."

Liam takes a deep breath and nudges his foot. "I know and I don't either, but it's got to be said and I've made such a mess out of it. I haven't said anything and that's horrible of me, but I was confused, I guess?"

"Okay."

"I knew I liked you but you were so, I dunno, out of my league and Danielle was there. And I feel awful about it and I'm so sorry."

"You say that a lot to me."

"Yeah, well I do a lot of stupid stuff around you, so it's necessary."

"Don't worry about it," Zayn says and squares his shoulders. "It's over now. As long as you're kissing me now and not her, then I'm not… I'm not upset about it."

Liam grabs his hand and squeezes it. "You're pretty amazing, you know that?"

"That's rich, coming from you."

He laughs, finally, and Zayn joins in, feeling the tension slip away.

"Maybe Italian wasn't the best idea," Liam says mournfully, chewing on a piece of gum as they walk out. "We should've thought that through a little bit."

"Why? Are you expecting to kiss anyone?"

"Was thinking about it, yeah."

"Interesting." He leans against the car and pulls Liam forward. "Isn't that assuming? You aren't supposed to kiss on the first date, according to _Seventeen._ "

"Shut up," he whispers and kisses the grin of Zayn's mouth. They stay there for a while, shivering against the wind and the feather-light touches they leave on each other, and pulling apart for hurried breaths.

The car creaks ominously underneath them and Liam pulls away, a rueful look in his eyes. "I'm a little terrified we might break it and I'm a lot terrified of what Niall'll say if we do."

"Also we're getting some looks."

Liam shrugs. "Let them look. It might make their life more exciting." He pulls another piece of chewing gum from his pocket and hands it to Zayn.

"Are you trying to tell me something?"

"Just that Italian probably wasn't the best idea," he says with a grin. Zayn punches him in the shoulder. "I don't feel like dropping you off yet. Do you want to go for a drive?"

It's nine on a Friday night, Ava's safe with her uncles and he's in a car with the prettiest boy. "Hell yes."

 

The seat belt buckle is digging into his back, but Zayn barely notices it. Not with Liam over him, scattering little kisses along his jaw.

"Liam," he hisses when he bites gently at a pulse point. Liam kisses down the line of his throat and back up, ending on his lips. He forgets what he was about to say and loses himself in the feeling. He digs his fingers into Liam's arms, appreciating the way they move under his palms. Running his hands down Zayn's chest, Liam stops at the waistband of his trousers, fingers slipping under his shirt.

The gentle tugging pulls him back to reality. "Liam, wait."

Liam stops and glances up at him. "What's the matter?"

"I don't, um—"

"Oh," Liam says and sits up, pushing away from him. "I didn't—" His voice sounds thick and Zayn peers at him in the murky light. Liam won't look at him, his hands rub at the back of his neck.

"No, it's not like that. I want— I want to shag you, just like not here."

"Sorry?"

Zayn sits up and stretches his back, wincing a bit. "I'm not going to do this in the back of a car. I'm not a bloody hormone-ridden teenager."

"I _am_ a hormone-ridden teenager, though," Liam whines and he can see the glint of his teeth. That's a good sign, he's not embarrassed?

"Please don't remind me," Zayn says with a shudder. "I'm robbing the cradle as is."

"You're seven months older."

"I'm fucking ancient."

"Seven months. Not seven years."

"And seventeen days," Zayn grumbles and Liam laughs, clambering over the console and into the driver's seat.

"I didn't know you knew my birthday so well."

"I'm your boyfriend, give me a little credit."

Liam grins at him in the mirror. "Are you going to come up here, or am I going to be your chauffeur?"

"I'm not particularly into that role play," Zayn muses as he settles down. "But if you're into it, we can work something out."

"Oh yeah, baby. Ride me all day," Liam says dryly, smirking at him from the corner of his eye.

"I don't think that would be very professional. Also we wouldn't get anywhere."

"Way to ruin the fantasy."

"What a shame. You'll have to find a new one."

Louis and Harry are curled around Niall when they go in and all three glance up at the sound of the door.

"You two look properly fucked, then," Niall drawls, waggling his eyebrows. "Did you have fun?"

"Close, Horan," Zayn snaps, pretending that he isn't red. "And yes. We had a lovely time."

The three giggle at that, nudging each other as best they can when they're cuddling. Zayn clicks his tongue and Liam pulls him into his side.

"We could snog again in front of would be a nice punishment."

"I heard that, Payno, and that is not happening," Louis warns and Liam grins wider. He's got a reckless look in his eyes when he moves in for a kiss and Zayn laughs into it. The other boys make gagging noises and start throwing pillows to get them to stop.

"They've got to do better that," mumbles Zayn and he deepens the kiss, biting down on Liam's lip. Liam whimpers a bit and Louis starts begging.

"For fuck's sake, stop already! There are virgins in the room that are going to be forever scarred by your appalling display."

"Who are you talking about?" Liam asks, a little breathless. Louis sniffs and waves his hand.

"The children here."

"Ava's in bed already."

"Not Ava, Zayn," Louis says, glaring. "I was referring to Hazza and Nialler here." They both protest at that, talking over each other in trying to disprove Louis. Louis ignores them and points at Liam. "And then there's you, of course."

"I'm not a—"

"Save it. All three of you are teenagers and thus innocent flowers."

"I'm a little disgusted," Niall says, pulling a face. "A flower?"

"I dunno, I think being a flower would be nice."

"You would, Mr 'Be Nice to Nice',' Niall scoffs, putting his cheek on Harry's head.

"I should've never given you my Twitter name."

"All you do is tweet about your four nipples. And cooking," Louis puts in. Harry squawks and argues that he has a very interesting Twitter _thank you very much._

Zayn turns to Liam and presses a kiss to his lips. "You staying here tonight?"

"Yeah, that sounds nice."

"You want to go now?"

"Tired already, old man?" Liam teases, pecking him on the cheek. Zayn groans—earning him a sharp glare from Louis, just in case they were getting a little too into it—and drops his head onto Liam's shoulder.

"We've been over this."

"You were the one that argued you were old earlier. What did you say? You were 'fucking ancient'?"

"Shut up, that was an extenuating circumstance."

Liam pauses for a moment. "Define that?"

"It was a special case."

"Oh, okay."

"I'm tired of those three. They're too loud. Let's go."

They wave goodnight and slide off their clothes, slipping into bed and wrapping around each other until they're comfortable.

"Thanks for the date, babe," Zayn whispers sleepily into Liam's chest. Liam brushes his fingers down Zayn's side and sighs.

"I had fun."

"Me too. We should do it again soon."

"Yeah, okay."

"Just okay? Wow, it's not like we're dating or anything."

Zayn can feel Liam's laugh under his hear, at odds with his heartbeat, and it's comforting. "I'd love to. Soon."

 

They're all sprawled on the floor, legs spread and almost touching the boy's next to them.

"It's high time Ava walked," Harry had decided and so they all sat with Ava in the middle. She's used to toddling around while holding on to someone's finger or the side of the couch, but she's beyond that now.

Ava stands, supported by her hand clutching Liam's shoulder and his hand spanning her back. "C'mon baby. You can do it," he tells her and gives her a gentle nudge so she's facing Zayn. She giggles, thumb in her mouth, and she's answered by four voices.

"Baba."

"Yeah, come here." He reaches out his arms and she looks at him with a worried expression. Liam takes away his hands. "You can do it."

"Let's go, Ava!" Harry cheers and the rest echo.

Face scrunched up in a look that's half a smile and half concentration, she takes a step.

"There you go!"

Another, a little wobbly this time. Five pairs of hands reach out to steady her, but she does it before they can help. She giggles again, laughing at them.

Zayn watches her step forward, inch by inch, and he feels like his heart might burst out of his chest from pride. He continues to chant encouragements with the rest of the boys, getting louder and more excited as she crosses from Liam to Zayn, finally collapsing in his arms.

"You did it!" he yells. "Ava, you're walking!"

The other four boys crowd in, patting her every place they can. Harry kisses her feet, Louis blows raspberries on her belly, Niall gives her a high five and Liam pets her head. She squeals at their attention and flails a little bit. Zayn sets her back down on the floor and she takes a few more steps, before falling over on her bum. Not looking put out in the least, she crawls to Niall and claps her hands. He claps back, making up some nonsense song about walking that Louis joins in on.

"Are you crying?" Liam asks quietly, swiping a thumb under Zayn's eyes.

"No," he says stubbornly, blinking furiously.

"It's okay to cry."

"I'm not crying!" He says with a laugh, knocking Liam with his shoulder. "You're being an arsehole."

"Swear jar."

"She's too concentrated on them to notice."

"Louis is crying," Liam replies and Zayn cranes his head to look. Sure enough, his cheeks are damp and he sniffles as he sings. "See?"

"I'm not Louis. Louis'll cry at anything. So will Harry."

"I will not!" Harry protests, pouting at them from over Niall's head.

"You bawled when we watched that one movie? With the dog? _Hachi_ , that's it!"

"Yeah, well so did you. That movie is rather heartbreaking. Don't remind me, please."

Liam kisses the side of his head. "This is a big step for you, huh?"

"Yeah."

"That was a bad pun," Niall says and Zayn rolls his eyes.

"Don't worry, I've heard worse. Have you heard Harry's?"

"Heyyyy." He jumps up and scrambles over to where Zayn's sitting and punches him. "Don't be rude."

"Excuse me," he says, squirming. "This isn't rude?"

"This is teaching you a lesson," he answers primly, rubbing his knuckles on Zayn's hair.

"Liam," he chokes out and blindly reaches for him, "a little help please?" Liam digs his fingers into Harry's ribs in an attempt to make him let go, but Harry just shrieks and tightens his grip on Zayn's neck.

"Not helping. Can't breathe."

Harry hurriedly lets him go and smooths his hair down. "Sorry. It's Liam's fault."

"Don't blame this on me!" Liam complains, kicking Harry so he falls over. He kicks back and Zayn gets out of the way in a hurry.

"Why are they like this?" He asks Niall, who shrugs.

"You lot are so violent. You've corrupted my peaceful Liam."

"I'll take responsibility for that, thank you!" Louis chimes in, smacking Niall on the cheek. "Look at him."

"Stop talking about me like I'm not here!" Liam huffs from the floor. He's got Harry in a headlock now and Harry's not even fighting it. He probably knows not to at this point. Liam glares at Louis. "And I am not violent."

"Um, Liam," Louis says as he motions to him. "You want to try that again, mate?"

"It can't be helped if Harry's being a menace. That's his fault, not mine."

Harry giggles and tugs at Liam's arm. "You're calling me a menace when Louis is standing right there?"

"Louis isn't the one I'm holding down, now is he?"

"You hold Zayn down and I'm pretty sure you're not calling him a menace," Niall mutters and Louis cackles as Liam freezes.

"Nice one, Nialler."

Liam lets go of Harry and tackles Niall to the ground, being careful not to tweak his bum knee. Louis only gets out of the way just in time, Ava securely on his hip. Harry yells some sort of war cry and flings himself onto the pile.

Zayn sighs and taps Louis. "Give me my daughter and go attack my boyfriend."

"Thanks mate." He hands over Ava and joins the fray. Shaking his head, he retreats into the kitchen for dinner time.

Liam settles into the chair beside Ava after a few minutes, looking just a little worse for the wear.

"How'd you get away?"

"It's pretty easy when the three are going mental. They don't notice me missing."

"Sounds like them," Zayn chuckles and tosses a spoon at Liam. "Give her that and make sure she eats her veg, yeah?"

He pours out a cup of milk and brings it to the table. Ava munches on a piece of broccoli and Liam steals a stalk for himself.

"So my family wants to meet you," he says quietly, ducking his head.

"Excuse me?"

"They're coming up to visit and I've told them a little bit about you. They want to meet you."

"Um."

"They're really nice, I promise. I mean, Ruth and Nic are a bit much when you're not used to them, but Mum and Dad will love you."

Zayn runs a hand through his hair and shakes his head. "No, it's fine, I just— meeting the family, y'know? Scary."

"I honestly don't think you could be scared of my mum if you tried." Liam smiles and squeezes his hand.

"Do they know about her?"

"About Ava? Yeah."

"And, um, what do they think about it? About her?"

"Ruth's a little disbelieving that I've got a boyfriend with a kid. She thinks I'm too young to even be dating, though. And everyone else's fine with it. They know I l- that I like you a lot." His voice goes up at the end and he peeks at Zayn through his eyelashes, hesitant.

"I like you a lot, too." He pushes down the skepticism and breathes out a sigh. Ava knocks over her milk, providing a welcome distraction, and they both jump up to clean it.

Louis skids into the room and beams. "There you are, Payno! I found him, lads!"

Niall and Harry pour in and Niall plops onto Liam's lap. "Why'd you leave?" He asks, nuzzling his nose into his neck. Liam hugs him.

"I got tired of you lot being mental."

"You like Zayn more than you like us," Niall replies, scowling at Zayn.

"Obviously," Zayn tells him. "I'm the only one that he gives love bites to."

"I wouldn't say that," Louis says with a wicked grin. He leans over to Liam and bites down on his shoulder.

"What're you doing? You're a prick," Liam shouts, pushing Louis away. Louis goes, laughing and advances on Zayn.

"Your turn, Malik."

"No," Zayn protests, moving around the table and away from Louis. "I'm not doing that again."

"Again?"

"Louis has a thing for biting," he tells Liam, rolling his eyes. "As you have probably noticed. You're going to teach Ava bad habits."

"I am only the best role model, thank you very much. She'll know how to protect herself."

"If you say so, Tommo," Niall snorts.

"I do and I am right."

"Is your Uncle Lou full of shit?" Harry coos to Ava, ignoring Louis' shouts to put money in the swear jar. She cocks her head and grins.

"Lou."

"That's right! He _is_ full of shit!"

"Oi, Styles," Zayn snaps and slaps Harry's head. "No saying 'shit' to my daughter. She'll start repeating it, like."

"Ha, up!"

He complies and picks her up. Zayn gives him a warning look.

"The irony of you telling me to stop is actually hilarious."

"Yeah, well it was your idea."

"So you're the one I can thank?" says Niall with an outraged expression. "You're the one that took away half my vocabulary?"

"If that's half your vocabulary, then I'm truly sorry," Louis says, dancing out of reach from Niall's hands. "I'll buy you a dictionary for your birthday."

"Shove it."

"Where should I shove it?" Louis asks sweetly and Niall flips him off, biting something out in Spanish.

"What was that?"

"I'd tell you but there are children present," Niall retorts and Louis pulls a face.

"I didn't know you spoke Spanish," says Harry.

"Yeah, it was either that or fu-reaking French. And fuck the French, honestly. Too many verbs."

"Language, Niall," Harry tells him, ignoring Zayn's pointed look and Liam's snickers. He tosses his hair and shifts Ava to the other hip. "Even if it's true."

"Excuse you, my name is French," Louis complains. "It's the name of monarchs."

"Fuck you especially."

"Any time, Nialler. We'll just have to clear it with Eleanor."

 

Later, they're sprawled out on the floor again, sans the baby and all cuddled up next to each other. Zayn is squished in between Liam and Niall and the flicker of the television lulls everyone to sleep.

"Zayn," Niall says sleepily, snuggling into his side, "I love you."

He grins down at the blond and rakes a hand through his hair. "Love you too."

"I'm glad Liam spilled your coffee and then made you go out with him."

"That wasn't a date."

"Totally was."

"You're an awful person."

"I'm not really," Niall whines, glancing up at him with wide eyes. "Am I?"

"Of course not. I think you're wonderful."

"Thanks, Zayn." He sighs and wraps an arm around his waist. "You're nice for a cuddle. Liam's too muscley."

"I don't know if that's meant to be a compliment or not. I've got muscles, big ones."

"Sure."

"And Liam—"

Niall puts his hand over Zayn's mouth. "I want you to think about what you're saying and how gross it is."

Zayn licks his palm and Niall groans, wiping it on his shirt. "It's not gross."

"Is it about you being a couple?"

"… maybe?"

"Then it's gross. I don't want to hear it."

"But—"

"Shh," Niall says, tucking himself under Zayn's arm. "I'm going to sleep now. You be quiet."

 

Liam's family comes the first week of March. Geoff is nice and Karen is sweet and Ruth and Nicola are a bit much, just as Liam predicted. They swarm him when they walk into the restaurant, hugging and pinching and laughing.

"They haven't seen him in a while," his mum says, smiling at the world. She has a kind smile and Zayn likes her immediately.

"They must love him."

"They do," Geoff chuckles and it sounds so much like Liam's that Zayn glances over. "Maybe a little too much. They baby him."

"Speaking of babies, is this the Ava I've heard so much about?" Karen asks, waving at Ava. She buries her head in Zayn's shoulder. He nods, smoothing a hand down her back. He can't blame her for her shyness when he's feeling it too. "How old is she?"

"Two next month."

"So big," Karen coos and it gets the girls' attention. They detach themselves from their brother and come over to appraise him.

"Zayn, right?"

"And _shit_ he does have a kid!" Karen frowns at Nicola for that but Nicola just grins. Ruth turns to Liam with a grin.

"Look at you being all responsible! I do believe our wee brother is growing up, Nic," she says, pinching his cheek. "Tell me, has he dropped her yet?"

Zayn laughs as Liam bats her hand away and scowls. "I have not, thank you very much."

"Liam's brill with her, really," Zayn says and leans into Liam's touch on his back. "Ava loves him."

Nic and Ruth giggle, poking Liam in the cheek and rattling off some discussion that Zayn can't quite follow.

"Shall we sit?" Geoff asks quietly and walks towards the table, the rest of the family following as soon as he moves.

"I'm studying Nursing at the University of Birmingham," Ruth tells Zayn over the salad course. "I'm in my final year, I hope, and then it's on to London!"

"Why didn't you go to Birmingham?" Zayn whispers to Liam and he shrugs.

"I liked Manchester better. And like, their business courses are pretty good, so it was better."

"Liam's going to be a CEO one day, aren't you?" Geoff boasts proudly, clapping his son on the back. Liam winces slightly but nods. "Make a name for himself the sensible way. Can't try to be a pop star forever."

"You wanted to be a singer?"

"Yeah, I thought about it."

"I'm glad you chose business," Karen says. "You've got a good head for it."

"Thanks, mum. Zayn, Ava's trying to eat the napkin."

He glances over and she's got it stuffed in her mouth, already disintegrating from her drool. He pulls it out and wraps it in another napkin out of her reach. She pouts but doesn't cry, thankfully. Liam hands him a spoon to keep her occupied.

"You really are good with her," Karen marvels with her eyes shining.

"Maybe you should have been a kindergarten teacher after all," Nicola says, taking a big sip of her wine. "It's not too late to change, is it?"

"No, it's not. Hey, are you still dating that bloke?"

"William? Yeah, actually." She blushes and fiddles with her fork, chewing on her lip. "We started talking about maybe moving in together."

"Congratulations," Zayn and Liam say in unison and blush when they make fun. Nicola, particularly finds it hilarious, and insists they're meant to be.

By the end of the meal, Ava is sitting in Karen's lap and playing with her phone. Ruth's cheeks are reddened from the wine and Nicola teases her about it. Geoff is quiet, as is Liam, and Zayn feels just a little lost. But only a little. The Paynes have a way of bringing him into their family like he was a part all along.

 

Zayn pauses in the hallway, leaning against the door to the living room.

"Chrysanthemum, Chrysanthemum, Chrysanthemum," Liam reads and it's so incredibly soft that Zayn heart melts a little. He watches his daughter sit quietly on Liam's lap, thumb in her mouth and her other hand tracing his over the pages. She babbles at him quietly, mimicking his tone. Liam smiles and presses a kiss to her head. "That's right, baby."

Ava shifts to grin at him and Liam pecks her on the tip of her nose. When she wrinkles it, Zayn recognises that as a Liam expression, copied straight off his face and onto hers. He quite likes that his child has pieces of Liam shining through her.

"Mo," Ava tells him and Liam keeps reading. " _I_ was named after my grandmother," he says, making his voice go all feminine. Ava giggles. " _You_ were named after a flower." He looks up and catches Zayn's gaze, eyes twinkling.

"That's interesting," Zayn says as he pulls his eyebrows down in a pretend frown. "I didn't know Liam was a girl's name."

"Hush, you. We're having a moment."

Zayn holds his hands up in surrender, laughing. Liam goes back to the book, sneaking him silly looks ever so often. He stays there for a moment and enjoys it. The quiet comfort that seems to radiate from wherever Liam was.

There's a knock on the door and he turns to answer it, humming a bit as he pulls it open. He freezes, staring at the ghost in front of him.

"Perrie?"

"Hi, Zayn."

He gapes at her and she offers him a thin smile, flicking her long hair behind her ear with trembling fingers. "What're— what're you doing here?"

"I can't come to visit?" she wonders, obviously intending for nonchalant and ending up with nervous instead.

"You've been gone for nearly a year."

Her face dims at that. "Yeah, I know. I just— _fuck._ I'll just go, yeah?"

"Who's this?" Liam asks, sliding up next to Zayn and wrapping a hand around his waist. He flinches a bit and cuts his gaze to Perrie. She's not watching them, her eyes are focused on Ava.

"Is this… Is this Ava? She's so _big_ ," she breathes and reaches out a hand, almost subconsciously.

"You've been gone for nearly a year," Zayn repeats because it's the only thing he can think besides _shit Perrie shit shit._

"She's beautiful. Can I—" She stops and swallows. "Can I hold her?"

Liam looks at Zayn questioningly, fingers tightening around the baby. "Zayn?"

"I guess…yeah." He nods jerkily and Perrie leans forwards. Liam hands her over without saying anything, his face blank. Perrie settles Ava into her arms and looks like she might cry.

"You're not a baby anymore, are you? No, you're a proper child now."

Ava glances at her, at Liam, at Zayn. She hooks her index finger over her nose and stares down Perrie with a frown.

Liam's light touch on his back brings him to the present and he starts. "Right, um, this is Perrie," he tells Liam and his eyebrows shoot up.

"Perrie?"

"Yeah."

"Nice to meet you," Liam says to Perrie and she nods.

"Who are you then?" she asks, not unkindly.

"This is Liam, my… Liam." He can't force the word 'boyfriend' out when his ex-fiancee is right there. He just can't. Liam taps his hip but doesn't say anything about it, just smiles.

"Can I get you some tea?" he offers and Perrie pulls her bottom lip into her mouth and worries it with her teeth.

"Um, yeah? I can't stay long, but I think I can manage a cuppa."

"Brilliant." He disappears to the kitchen.

"Oh, uh, do you want to come in?"

Perrie steps inside, glancing around the room with big eyes. "You haven't changed it much."

"Why would I?"

"With the baby… Is Liam living with you?"

"No, Louis actually." Her lips twitch.

"That must be interesting."

"It works well," he says flatly and she drops her gaze. "Perrie, why are you here?"

"I was in town."

"That's it? You disappear for ten fucking months and just decide to visit because you were in town?"

"I wanted to see you."

"Why?" His voice is harsher than he meant it to be, but he can't take it back. Can't hold back.

"I'm not having this discussion in front of our daughter." Perrie lifts her chin and squeezes Ava closer to her chest.

" _My_ daughter," he snarls, the anger rising at seeing her with Ava like she hadn't walked out on her, on _them._ "You left."

"And I'm not going to apologise for leaving."

"You should."

"Zayn," she sighs as she strokes Ava's hair, "not here."

"I've got her," Liam says, appearing at her side. "Give her to me. It's snack time, anyway." Perrie does, after a second's thought, and Liam carries the baby out of the room. Distantly, he feels a burst of thankfulness but it's not enough to disperse the anger.

"You owe me an apology."

"I don't owe you anything," she snaps and then takes a calming breath. "Well, an explanation. I do owe you that."

He crosses his arms. "Go, then."

"I couldn't do it, Zayn. I couldn't be a mother. I'm not meant for it. I was so unhappy and you know it."

"You could've said something. We could've done something."

"What could we have done? Spent money we didn't have on counselling? Learn to live with it? I was drowning, Zayn."

"If you were drowning then, guess how I felt when you walked out. I had to do it by myself. I couldn't run away like you did."

She jerks back as if she was slapped. She opens her mouth, closes it. Finally she speaks, voice quiet. "I didn't come to fight with you."

"Why'd you come then?"

"I don't know," she says desperately, "I don't know. Like reassurance, maybe? That I haven't fucked everything up, fucked up my daughter. I still care about you, you know."

Zayn thinks about giving her a nasty answer back but she looks at him with a panicked expression and he feels the fight leech out of him. "I know," he tells her quietly, brushing her fingers hesitantly over her cheek. She catches his hand and holds it there. They stand for a moment, frozen, and he feels an eerie sense of deja vu. How many times had they been here, in this spot, before everything had flipped on its head?

And yet there's none of the old attraction there. She's beautiful, always has been, but he has Liam now.

"Is he your boyfriend, then?" she asks, jerking her head in the direction of the kitchen. He jumps but she's always been so in tune with his thoughts.

"Yeah."

"He seems nice."

"He is." He chews on his lip and cuts his gaze away. "Dependable, like. And sweet."

"Everything I wasn't, then," she says with just a little bit of bitterness. He glances back at her and frowns at the twist of her mouth. "Do you love him?"

"Perrie—"

She shakes her head. "I'm not, I'm not jealous. But I do care about you a lot, and I don't want you fucking around with people that will hurt my dau—my Ava."

"I might."

"Does he love you?"

"I don't know. But then, he's stayed even after everything. That's got to mean something, yeah?"

She flinches and laughs once, turning away. He reaches for her and settles his hand on her cheek once again.

"I didn't mean it like that."

"Doesn't make it any less true," she replies, blinking up at him. "You're doing amazing with her. You're a great father, always were. I'm sorry I couldn't be there." She turns her head and presses a small kiss into his palm. "I'm going to go now, yeah?"

She backs up and he hurts a little when he sees the tears in her eyes. She blows him a kiss and fumbles with her bag on the way to the door.

"You can, like, come and visit sometime," he calls after her and she pauses.

"I don't think I can, really," she says quietly and throws him a sad smile. He nods.

"Goodbye, Perrie."

"Goodbye, Zayn. Give my love to Ava. And, um, be nice to Liam."

And then she's gone again, a ghost in his life once more. He stares at the door for a while until a familiar set of hands wrap around him from the back.

"Hey," he murmurs as Liam hooks his chin over his shoulder. Liam hums, kissing softly at Zayn's jaw.

"You okay?"

"Yeah. Tired."

Liam kisses him again before straightening. "C'mon, babe," he says and pulls him gently back into the kitchen. He pushes Zayn into a chair and slides a cup of tea across the table.

"Please tell me this has whiskey in it."

"Sorry. I don't have any on me and there's none in the kitchen."

"Fucking Louis," he mutters before taking a sip. Liam chuckles, but it's tense. Zayn flinches, scrubbing at his face with the heel of his hand.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not particularly," he says and catches the flash of disappointment that flits over Liam's face. "It's not—I want to tell you about it. I will, just not tonight. I can't. I'm fucking exhausted."

"It's okay, Zayn," says Liam, reaching over to card his fingers through Zayn's hair. He closes his eyes and takes in a deep breath through his nose.

"I need a smoke or I'm going to punch something. I swear, I will." Fucking Louis and his stealing of the cigarettes.

"You can punch me if you need to."

Zayn glares at him. "I'm not going to do that, Liam."

"It's okay. I took boxing. I can handle it."

"No." Liam shrugs and taps his hands on the table.

"Lee, mo?" Ava asks, pointing to her cup. Liam shakes his head and tells her that they're all gone. She frowns and suddenly all Zayn needs is her close.

"Can we cuddle?" he blurts, a little desperately. "Can we just put on a film and cuddle?"

"Of course," Liam says and picks up the baby from her chair. "How about _Toy Story?_ _"_ Zayn groans half-heartedly, because he swears he's seen that film more while with Liam than in the year and a half before.

"Fine," he grumbles and settles down on the sofa with Ava at his side. Liam sits next to him and pulls him in so he's against his chest, lacing their fingers together. Zayn breathes.

 

"Pub night!" Niall bellows and does some sort of jig. Louis raises an eyebrow.

"Is that some sort of leprechaun custom?" he asks sweetly and Niall mouths a _fuck you._

"Niall!" Harry chastises and Niall turns on him. "There is a child present."

"What? Can Ava read lips now?" Harry doesn't deign to answer that and simply wags a finger at him. Niall rolls his eyes. "Stop being an overprotective shit." Louis and Zayn exchange a worried look as Harry's face crumples, almost imperceptibly.

Niall looks up at the sudden quietness and his gaze lands on him. With a sigh, he wraps him in a big hug and buries his face in his neck. He gives an apology and Harry shrugs.

"Tell me a joke, Haz."

"You hate my jokes."

Niall jerks back to glare at him. "Don't confuse me with Louis. Now tell me a joke, Styles."

"What did the sea say to the shore?"

"What?"

"Nothing, it just waved." He grins at everyone, waiting for it to sink in. Louis and Zayn groan, Louis shaking his head.

"Bloody awful," he croaks but it's swallowed by Niall's cackle. He's shaking with laughter even though Zayn suspects he doesn't find it that hilarious.

"Harry's jokes aren't funny, but I laugh at them," Niall had told him once, "just to make him happy."

And Harry is happy, dimpling at Niall in his smile reserved for the four of them. Louis rolls his eyes and elbows Liam in the ribs.

"That was an awful pun and you didn't even react," he scolds and Liam shrugs. "Shame, Payno."

Zayn tilts his head at Liam and he offers a thin smile. Zayn narrows his eyes.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing." He laughs once, a short puff of air. "It's just, did you feel like this when you met my family?"

Ah. "Nervous?"

"Fucking terrified."

"S'just my mum. She's not scary."

"Unless you smoke weed on her sofa," Louis corrects. "Then she gets pretty terrifying."

"Yeah, well. Liam's not a stupid teenager either."

"It was your idea."

"That's a lie and you know it." Louis grins, unrepentant. Zayn taps his hand on Liam's arm and gives him a peck. "You'll be okay, babe. She'll love you." Liam makes a noise low in his throat and shakes his head.

There's a knock on the door just then and Zayn slides off the seat to get it. It's his mum, after all. Well, his mum and two of his sisters. He blinks at their grinning faces.

"Waliyha, Safaa? What are you doing here?"

"We're here to meet your secret boyfriend," Waliyha says with Safaa giggling and Zayn pinches the bridge of his nose.

"He's not my secret boyfriend?"

"Then why haven't we met him?"

"Because we've been busy and you live an hour away."

"Excuses, bro," she says and smirks. Zayn sighs but steps aside to let them through. His mum stops for a hug.

"They were excited," she tells him. "How could I say no? They have a right to meet him."

"I told him it was just going to be you. He wasn't prepared."

"If he's as good a boy as you say he is, then he'll be fine."

Zayn whines but leads his mother towards the sound of giggles. Safaa is wrapped up in Harry's arms, getting tickled by his hair and squealing. Waliyha is grinning at Louis and they're already trading insults. It's a hilarious combination, actually, Louis wearing a fierce expression with a baby on his hip. Liam and Niall are huddled together, looking around at the chaos with panicked looks on their faces.

"Shut up while I introduce everyone," Zayn shouts, earning him a pinch from his mum and a screech from his daughter, but relative quiet. He makes the introductions, filing away the way Waliyha blushes when Harry waves at her for later. Trisha smiles at Liam when he extends his hand and shakes it warmly.

"You do know you're all he talks about. You and Ava. I can see why." Liam blushes and Zayn wishes he could sink into the earth.

"Mum," he whines and she winks at him. "Don't embarrass me."

"Sorry, love. It's my job. That and doting on my granddaughter," she coos at Ava.

"I, for one, am offended that Zayn doesn't talk about me," Louis objects and they laugh. "It's not like we've been friends for ever."

"And me!"

"And me!" Niall adds and Waliyha turns to him with a frown.

"Who are you?" she asks, pressing her lips together at his outraged look. Niall glares at Zayn and crosses his arms.

"M'Niall, Zayn's favourite. After, Liam of course." No one denies it; Niall's all of their favourite. Waliyha cocks her head.

"No, he's never mentioned you." Zayn smothers a grin against Liam's back, because he's so offended and she's so sincere. "Neil, was it?"

"Oi, listen—" Niall starts and cuts himself off when he sees Zayn laughing. "Wanker."

Trisha clicks her tongue at the word, but she's smiling too. Everyone is as Waliyha assures Niall that she's heard all about him.

"So Liam," his mother says, delicate fingers wrapping around a teacup, "what are you studying?"

Liam ducks his head and fiddles with a few coins on the table. "Um, business management."

"Oh, that's wonderful. Are you enjoying it?"

"I guess," he mumbles and sets a coin to spinning. "It's not what I thought I would be doing, but it's good."

"What did you think you were going to do?" He asks, genuinely interested. Liam hardly ever talks about this. He glances at Zayn out of the corner of his eye and shrugs.

"Music, but that wasn't going anywhere. I really liked working with kids," he tells Trisha and she nods. "Maybe a footie coach? I was decent at football."

Louis perks up. "You like football?"

"Yeah, mate."

"Why've you not said anything? I've been wanting to play for ages and Zayn and Harry won't."

"Louis, it's the middle of winter," Harry points out mildly and Louis waves him off.

"Doesn't matter. And you still wouldn't play even if it was the perfect weather outside."

Harry exchanges a grin with Zayn. "Fair enough."

"Anyways," Louis says and points at Liam. "You, me n'the Irish as soon as it stops raining."

"Hey!" Niall says, glancing up from his conversation with Safaa.

"Also, it's Manchester. It's not going to stop raining," Liam argues. Louis frowns and huffs a sigh.

"We'll figure something out."

"Safaa, get off Niall!" Trisha barks as Safaa blinks up at her from where she's hanging on Niall's neck.

"I think you would've been a great teacher," Zayn whispers to Liam.

"Thanks."

He flits his fingers across the muscles of Liam's back and doesn't comment on the tenseness there. His boys and his family chatter for a while, Louis and Waliyha throwing insults at each other and Safaa charming Niall. Harry steals Ava from Louis, quietly singing to her and keeping her entertained. Liam and his mother talk, her finishing her tea and Zayn adding in an occasional comment.

"Did you not bring any food this time?" Louis asks when Trisha makes to leave. "You're going to leave us poor uni students to starve?"

"I've had Harry's cooking, I doubt you'll starve." Louis pouts and she rolls her eyes. "I'll bring over some cakes or something next time. You'll survive for now." She drops a kiss onto everyone's head and his sisters give them all hugs.

"Say goodnight, Ava!" Safaa prompts and they chorus a goodnight back. Liam curls his fingers into Zayn's when the girls walk out the door and lets out a breath.

"Not too bad?"

"Not too bad," he confirms and knocks his forehead gently into Zayn's.

"You did great."

"You really did," Niall says, screwing up his face. "A proper gentleman and shit. Now can we go? I'm ready to get smashed." He grabs his jacket and heads for the door before anyone can stop him. The other four exchange amused glances and follow.

 

The pub is packed with uni students looking for something fun to do on a Friday night. It's hazy with body heat and the air is sticky with the smell of alcohol. Louis and Harry light up when they walk in, feeding off the energy radiating off the crowd. Niall looks like he's in his element, pale skin already flushed with excitement.

Zayn orders something fruity and pink at the bar because he's feeling like having fun. Liam snickers.

"What was that for?"

"You look so tough in your leather jacket and then you order a cocktail."

"Might as well break stereotypes," he says with a shrug and Liam grins at him over his glass. He grins back, pushing his tongue against his teeth. Liam reaches over and takes a sip, making a face.

"Too sweet."

"Fuck off and drink your boring whiskey and Coke, or whatever you're drinking. Let me have my fun."

Liam swallows the rest of whatever's in his glass and waves the bartender over. "Two shots of tequila, please." Zayn raises his eyebrows. "I refuse to be boring."

"Why two shots?"

"Don't want to have fun without you."

Zayn's body warms at the sentiment, and it's not from the alcohol. He brushes it off and mock-glares at him. "Fucking cheesy, bro."

"Don't _bro_ me if you're planning on snogging me later," Liam tells him later with a wicked grin.

"How do you know we're going to be snogging? A bit presumptuous, innit?"

Liam leans forward until he's fully in Zayn's personal space, breath ghosting over his lips but not touching. "Something tells me otherwise," he whispers and Zayn shivers. Liam smirks and presses a barely-there kiss to his mouth before he sits back. Zayn feels the absence of him keenly; he's cold despite the heavy warmth of the room. Liam slides a shot glass towards him. "Ready?"

"Yeah," he says, a bit roughly and Liam smirks. They swallow the alcohol down and Zayn shakes his head at the burn.

"There you are, boys," Harry says, materialising behind Liam like magic. And he does look a little other-worldly, green eyes bright and glittering, curls a mess and rosy lips matching rosy cheeks. A fairy or a sprite or something.

Okay, maybe Zayn's a little tipsy.

"We finally got a table and Lou's wanting to do karaoke."

"No," Zayn groans and Harry tugs his arm.

"He's already signed you up to sing something. Now come on." Harry turns and they hastily follow so they don't lose him. Louis and Niall are sprawled in a booth, giggling to each other. Eleanor is pressed into Louis' side and Zayn gives her a hug.

"What're you doing here?"

She blinks up at him with a smile. "Louis invited me. I didn't interrupt a lads night, did I?"

"Nah. We just don't have any other female friends to invite along."

She laughs and Zayn watches Louis face soften when she does. He looks at her so fondly that Zayn's surprised Eleanor doesn't feel it.

"I'll see what I can do to change that, yeah? You lot need some girl influences." Zayn agrees and slings his arm around Liam's neck.

"Hey Tommo," he calls and Louis snaps his head around. "Are you going to drag me up to embarrass myself again?"

Louis grins and it's like a flash of steel. "Hell yes."

"Please tell me it's a good song, at least."

"Drake okay?"

"Sick," he answers, settling back. Harry giggles as Niall plants a sloppy kiss on his cheek, ever affectionate when drunk.

"We're gonna sing Justin Bieber," he announces. Liam rolls his eyes.

"Why do you like that kid?"

"'Baby' is a work of lyrical genius," Niall tells him earnestly. "It's fucking awesome."

"He sounds like he's twelve."

"Shut it, Payno. Just because you don't appreciate fine music doesn't mean we have to listen to your wrong opinions."

Liam snorts and shakes his head as Niall sticks his tongue out. Harry copies him. Zayn sneaks a drink of Niall's pint and jumps away before he can get slapped.

"Get your grubby paws away."

"Didn't your mum teach you to share?"

"A man's alcohol is sacred, Zayn." Zayn shrugs and steals some of Louis' drink this time. He's too busy snogging El to notice.

 

He measures out the rest of the night in laughter and drinks. Catcalls when he sings, feeling more confident than he would sober. A round on Louis when he gets down because 'that was bloody brilliant, mate'. Pressing Liam further and further into the booth and licking away the taste of booze in his mouth. Licking salt off his skin after Liam staggers over after dancing on the stage.

"Do you want to go back to mine?" Liam asks, mouthing at his jaw. He has to think about it for a minute, mind wonderfully blank due to the combination of being drunk on alcohol and drunk on Liam's touch.

"Yeah," he breathes out finally, mourning the distance Liam puts between them. He tugs at him with weak fingers and Liam pulls right back.

"Babe, let's go. Please."

Zayn allows him to help him up and waves goodbye at the table, It's empty and he frowns. "Where's everyone?"

"Dunno. We'll send everyone a text, yeah?"

Zayn hums his agreement as they stumble out into the street. Liam hails a cab and they collapse into it, giggling and unable to keep their hands off each other. Liam manages to pant his address out and they ignore the dirty looks the driver gives them.

Liam's hands are too hot, too insistent for Zayn to care. He returns the favour, undoing the buttons of the shirt Liam's wearing and slipping his hand underneath. Liam shudders when Zayn's palms trace his chest and he deepens the kiss even further. His fingers trail along the waistband of his trousers and it's Zayn's turn to shudder.

The driver clears his throat and the separate a bit. Having to walk to Liam's wouldn't be the best idea. He can stay decent for that long. In theory.

His hands are trembling by the time they arrive and Liam shoves a wad of bills at the driver.

"Keep the change."

The driver whistles and peels away from the kerb as soon as they are clear.

"C'mon then, c'mon," Zayn says when Liam fumbles with the lock. He's probably not helping by plastering himself to Liam's back but he can't get close enough, can't bear any distance.

They nearly fall into the flat when the door swings open, Liam catching himself just in time. He kicks the door shut and crowds Zayn up against it. He's kissing him almost before Zayn's back hits the door. Zayn kisses back just as fiercely because they're alone for once, alone with no child needing them at the moment, no one to interrupt.

"Off," he demands, pulling at the last few buttons. Liam obliges and shrugs out of the shirt and leaves it in a heap on the floor.

"Your turn," he says and strips his leather jacket off. The shirt joins Liam's. Zayn fingers flutter against the waistband of Liam's trousers, a silent question. "Not here. Bedroom."

Zayn nods and they crash through the flat in the dark, not paying attention and bumping into everything. Zayn'll have bruises in the morning, but he'll have even more from Liam's fingers and mouth and it won't matter. Nothing matters right now, except the fire that Liam traces onto Zayn's skin and the look in his eyes when they fall onto the bed.

 

"Zayn," Liam whispers, and Zayn can feel a gentle palm on his cheek. "Zayn."

He cracks an eye to glare at him and rolls over.

"It's morning."

"What time is it?" he croaks and Liam's hand leaves his face so he can roll over. There's a gentle rustling as he paws through their discarded clothes to find his phone.

"Half past eight."

"It's not morning, then. It's too early."

"Your phone's been buzzing for the past fifteen minutes," Liam answers, pressing it into Zayn's hand. He groans and turns it on. It's Louis, of course it's Louis.

_zayyynn where are u ?_

_you_ _'_ _re not in your bed_

_are you with liam ?_

_please tell me you_ _'_ _re with liam_

_answer ur damn phone malik_

_ZAYN_

_**What ?** _

_oh good ur up_

_u with payno ?_

_**Yah** _

_good i was about to call the police_

_remember to put a glove on it_

_**Dick** _

_exactly it goes on ur dick :)_

_pick up milk when u come home_

_if you come home_

"Fucking Louis," he sneers and tosses his phone on the nightstand. Liam grins at him.

"You're fucking me, actually."

"Classy, Liam," he says and Liam laughs, pushing up until he's over Zayn, holding himself up with his arms. He gives Zayn a brief kiss.

The room is lit by sunlight but it seems dim to Zayn, washed out and bland. Except Liam, who's more saturated than anything he's ever seen. He wonders if Liam was made with extra colour because he's so, so vibrant. He

"Jaan," he mutters and Liam cocks his head.

"What?"

"Nothing," Zayn says, pulling at him until he collapses against Zayn. "Kiss me, yeah?"

"Okay."

 

Ava's inconsolable and he can't figure out why.

Maybe inconsolable's the wrong word. She's not crying but she's restless, refusing to do anything for more than a few seconds at a time. She throws her carrot sticks on the ground, doesn't touch her toys and just whines when Zayn turns on the telly.

"What do you want, baby?" he asks her and she just looks up at him with mournful eyes. "I don't know what you want."

She doesn't say anything and he chews his lip, thinking.

"Draw? Do you want to draw?" He shakes a pack of crayons at her and she pauses. Taking that as a good sign, he grabs the small art box they have and carries it to the table. Ava settles into her chair easily enough and he breathes a sigh of relief.

She draws for a while and he scrolls through his phone until she starts fussing. Her fingers curl in his shirt when he picks her up and she yawns.

"Are you tired? Did you get a nap today?" She protests when he goes to put her down in her bed so he carries her out to sofa and sits. Raking his hands through her hair distractedly, he watches as she traces his tattoos.

"Pwetty."

He chuckles and works his fingers through a knot. "Thank you."

"Colour."

"You didn't want to colour earlier," he says, frowning down at her. She taps his arm and he realises. "Oh, you want to colour my tattoos? Sure."

There's markers in the art box and he pulls them out, handing her an uncapped blue one. She hums happily and takes it to his arm. There's marker absolutely everywhere but he couldn't care less because she's happy and entertained. He turns on the telly to an old episode of _Doctor Who_ and lets it play in the background.

Eventually, she slumps forward and nestles her head against his collarbone. He pulls the marker from her hand and lays down, arranging her on top of him. It's been awhile since they've had the time to nap together; he's always gone when she goes down in the afternoon. But now, he's warm and content with her tiny body pressing down on him and her quiet sleepy noises. He finds himself falling asleep not long after.

He wakes up to Liam kneeling by the side of the sofa and a tickling on his arm.

"Vas happening?" he mumbles and Liam looks up, eyes bright.

"S'nothing. Don't worry. Go back to your nap," he soothes and Zayn nods, already feeling himself drift away.

He blinks awake later, groggy with the feeling of a long sleep. He rubs the grit from his eyes and registers that he's by himself as he hears voices wafting from the kitchen. He stretches, catching sight of his arms. They're covered in blue marker, streaking up and down the length. There's Ava's wayward swipes that are in no semblance of order on his left. And on his right, it's as if someone came in and coloured him in. His tattoos are carefully filled with purple marker, not a line out of place.

"Liam," he says, wandering in to where he's chattering happily to Ava, "what did you do to my arms?"

Liam screws up his nose the way he does when he's about to say something ridiculous. "You're a work of art and I wanted to add to the beauty." He flashes a cheeky grin and Zayn groans.

"You're awful."

"I thought it was pretty good!"

"Not at chat up lines. Stick to dancing."

"I'm not that good at dancing, though," he says and Zayn laughs, pecking him on the cheek.

"Good enough for me."

It's later, when he's reaching for a cup, that he notices it. It's small but carefully written on his wrist.

_I love you._

He freezes in place and stares at the words. It's not like they're anything _new_ really. The boys throw around affection like they throw sarcasm— constantly and at everyone who gets in their way. Zayn's pretty sure he's said it to Liam, mixed up in a laugh when he does something stupid or when he needs affirmation. Liam's said it to him casually, slipping it into normal conversations. But he does that to all the boys, they all hear that Liam loves them at least once a week.

But this feels different. This is deliberate. This is special. Liam loves him.

There's a warmth in his chest that expands until he feels buoyant almost. Like he could potentially fly. What a fucking cliche.

"You okay?" Liam asks, sliding up behind him and pressing a kiss to the nape of his neck.

"Never been better," he replies. "Why do you ask?"

"You've been staring into the cupboard for about three minutes, babe. I don't think you're going to find Narnia there, no matter how hard you look."

Zayn snorts and turns so Liam's bracketed by his legs. "You're a dork."

Liam shrugs. "You love it, though," he answers easily and Zayn's breath catches for a minute.

"Yeah, I do." He pulls him in for a kiss before Liam can decipher the weight to his words, biting on his lip the way he knows he likes. "I never did tell you about the bird tattoo, did I?"

"No. That was a while ago, wow."

"Yeah, back when we first met. C'mon," he says and leads him to the living room, abandoning his tea. Liam collapses against the back and Zayn swings his legs over Liam's. "Where do I start?"

Liam drags his fingers down Zayn's shin and he can feel the warmth from his hands even through his jeans.

"Perrie left, you know that right? Just woke up one morning, kissed me goodbye and walked out the door." Liam frowns but doesn't say anything. "It was a shock more than a surprise, I think. Her dreams were too big to be a mother at eighteen, like. I don't blame her anymore."

"You're a good person, then," Liam says with a frown. "What kind of person—"

Zayn covers his mouth with a hand. "Don't, okay? Like, I know it was kind of a shitty thing to do but _she_ _'_ _s_ not a shitty person. Just got scared and it's understandable, yeah?"

Liam nods, biting at his cheek and he takes his hand away. Liam grabs it and interlaces their fingers.

"I'm sorry."

"S'okay. After she left, I just needed something to ground me, y'know? Something that made me know it was real or whatever. So I got this," he rubs his fingers over the bird tattoo on the hand that's holding Liam's, "because Perrie flew away but she hasn't disappeared completely. And then I remembered it was Ava's name and it worked out really well, actually."

Liam's quiet for a moment, processing, and his thumb runs over the little bird absently. He peers up at Zayn through his eyelashes. "I won't leave you, you know that right? I won't abandon you like she did."

Zayn closes his eyes for a minute against the flood of emotion that's currently running through him. "I know. I trust you." He shifts so he's straddling Liam instead of sitting on him, desperate to be as close to him as he can. Liam hums and presses his hands against Zayn's back, pushing him a little closer and catching his lips in a kiss. Zayn sighs into his mouth, breathes in Liam's answering exhale. When his head starts spinning from the lack of air, he peppers his jaw with kisses and moves down towards his neck. Liam's fingers flex against his spine when Zayn bites a mark where his neck meets his shoulder and it drags a ragged moan from both of them.

"Shh, quiet," Zayn mumbles against Liam's skin. "Baby sleeping in the other room."

"Sorry, sorry. Wait, where are you going?" he asks as Zayn slides off his lap and pads across the room.

"You got to draw on me earlier. Reckon it's my turn." He finds a black sharpie and pushes Liam down until he's horizontal. "I think you'd look gorgeous with a few tattoos of your own, yeah?"

"I have some," Liam mumbles as Zayn's palms inch up his shirt. He sits up to slide it off and then collapses back as Zayn traces a hand down his stomach. "Fuck, Zayn."

"You're so hot when you swear," he tells him and touches the sharpie to Liam's chest. Liam jumps. "Stay still." He shudders, but complies and Zayn can see his fingers tightening on the side of the cushion.

Zayn draws tattoos everywhere, mostly just little doodles. A dagger, because it looks badass on his side. Smiley faces everywhere. Liam's name scrawled across his neck.

He pauses then, considering, and brings Liam's wrist to his mouth. He kisses it briefly, feeling the spike in his pulse, and smirks. Liam glances down at him with dark eyes.

"Are you done?" he forces out, a little strained.

"Not quite."

He presses hot, open mouth kisses to each of the tattoos, smudging the marker a bit but he can't care right now. Liam's skin is soft and salty against his tongue and he can feel the flutter of his muscles as Zayn licks.

"Zayn," Liam says and he glances up. Liam's brow is wrinkled, eyebrows pressing together and lips almost white. "Just kiss me, please."

He does. And then he pulls away to draw some more because Liam's still a blank canvas and he can't help himself. Liam just sighs and twitches occasionally, eventually bringing a hand up to run through Zayn's hair. He hums at the sensation, feeling his breath hitch as his fingers trail down his cheek.

"You're so beautiful," Liam whispers and Zayn wants to laugh at the irony. He does, because here is Liam shirtless and covered in dark ink, and he's calling Zayn beautiful.

"You're one to talk."

"Hush." He blushes and his thumb catches on Zayn's lips. Zayn caps the sharpie and tosses it on the ground, forsaking it in favour of decorating Liam's neck with bruises. Liam returns the favour and flips them over in a move that Zayn finds a little terrifying, considering they are lying on a sofa.

It's his turn to fight to lie still as Liam drags his lips across Zayn's skin, nipping at his earlobe and neck and shoulder. He'll have bruises tomorrow. He tightens his fingers on Liam's arm and they come away dark and stained.

"You're going to mess my tattoos up," he murmurs and Zayn shrugs as best he can pinned under him.

"I'll touch them up later."

And he runs his hands over all the marks. Most importantly, most terrifying, most lovely, he brushes against a little _I love you too_ on Liam's wrist to match his own.

It's the easiest thing he's ever written.

Louis comes home to find them tangled together, fully clothed, and watching _Ocean_ _'_ _s Eleven_ on the telly. He squints at them suspiciously and flips on a lamp.

"We have an all clothes on at all times policy in this living room, boys."

"We know," they chorus together, smiling up at him.

"How'd you switch shirts then?"

"I've been wearing this one all day," Zayn protests and Louis rolls his eyes.

"Liam's shirt is too small for him. Also it's The Hulk and Liam would never willing wear a Marvel t-shirt. He loves DC too much."

"That's not true! I just love Batman."

"The point still stands. Keep your kits on in the _communal_ space, alright?"

Zayn debates pointing out the high chance of Eleanor and Louis having sex in here but decides not to push it. Liam's hand is tracing warm circles on the back of his neck and it's distracting.

"You're disgusting," Louis gags and Zayn sneers right back at him. "I literally cannot bear to stay in the room with you two."

"You can leave," Liam offers mildly, tipping his head to smirk at Louis.

"No, I can't because you've shown that you need a bloody chaperone and since I'm the only one here, I have to bear you two."

"We are adults."

"Adults who can't keep it in their pants. You do realise that a toddler is sleeping in the next room, right? Have you absolutely no shame?"

"Chill, Lou," Zayn says and Louis bristles. "We didn't do anything, like. Just a little snogging."

Louis snorts and Liam flips him off with a grin. "I need to get to bed anyway. I've got a lecture in the morning." He pecks Zayn on the cheek—and Louis too, for good measure—and waves goodnight.

 

Zayn starts making art again. He hasn't since Perrie left, and he's also not willing to think through the reasoning behind it. But he sits down after tea and pulls out his old sketchbook while the boys are throwing insults around

"What're you doing, babe?" Liam asks, leaning over the edge of the chair and rubbing his chin on Zayn's head. "Is that Niall?"

"Yeah." He was trying to recreate him mid-laughter, when his eyes are squeezed shut and entire body seized with happiness, but it's difficult to get it right. Probably because Niall just radiates pure joy and it's hard to recreate it.

"That's really good. You're like a proper artist."

"You should see his graffiti. It's sick," Louis yells from across the room and Zayn rolls his eyes.

"It's also illegal."

"But _sick_ , Harry. Don't let Liam's spoilsport rub off on you."

"Heyyy!"

"Oi!"

Louis shrugs, unrepentant. "Don't get your knickers in a twist, Payno. We all know you're pretty damn straight-laced."

"I've also never been arrested," he counters and Louis sputters.

"It was one night in jail for loitering. I should've never told you about that."

Liam grins at him and Louis pouts back until Liam comes over to give him a cuddle. Louis allows it for about thirty seconds before hitting him in the crotch.

"Act like a dick, get punched in the dick," he says happily over Liam's groans. "S'the Golden Rule."

"I'm pretty sure that's the exact opposite of the Golden Rule," Harry argues and Louis waves him off.

"Then it should be the Golden Rule, or better. The Platinum Rule."

"That'll sell on posters," Niall quips, squirming away from Louis' fist just in time. "Excuse you, I'd like to have children one day."

"Don't be an arse, then."

Harry wraps his arms protectively around him. "Don't insult him, he's sensitive."

"I'm not sensitive, you are!"

"Shh, Nialler. You're the baby of this family," he soothes, petting Niall's hair. Niall twists away from his grip to thump him on the head.

"I am six months older than you, twat. You're barely an adult."

"I'm an old soul."

"You're also full of shit," Zayn tells him and the boys guffaw. Harry glares, but it's Harry and it soon melts to laughter as well.

 

Zayn blinks and Ava turns two.

He wakes up on the morning of March twentieth and stares up at the ceiling in shock. He has a toddler for a child. A real-life terrible two.

A child who is currently kicking him with her quite strong legs. He turns over and smiles, despite the bruises he'll have later. She grins sunnily up at him.

"Happy birthday, Ava." She bats her long eyelashes and reaches up to pat at his face.

"I hungry."

He laughs, scooping her up and nuzzling her tummy with his chin. She lets out a peal of giggles that has him laughing harder.

"Let's get you some breakfast, babe," he says, dancing out of the bedroom. Harry's in the kitchen in an apron and not much else, frying eggs at the stove.

"What are you doing here, Hazza?"

"Making breakfast."

"Don't you have class?" Harry shrugs and flips an egg.

"I wanted to make a special birthday breakfast. S'not every day there's a two year old in the house." His phone vibrates on the counter and he squints at it. "Niall and Liam'll be here in a few minutes."

"They have class too."

Harry gives him a look. "We're all taking the day off."

"Why?"

"Cause Ava's important to us too. Speaking of, happy birthday baby!" Ava giggles.

"Haz!"

"I guess we can't call you a baby anymore. You're two! Can you show me two fingers?" She obediently holds them up. Harry and Zayn clap.

Niall and Liam arrive as Louis steps out of the shower and Niall whistles at Louis in a towel.

"Stop staring at my ass, Horan."

"Don't parade around almost naked."

"It's my flat, I can do what I want. Harry's more scandalous than I am, anyway."

Liam turns to him and frowns. "Harry, I'm pretty sure cooking in just your pants is not sanitary."

"I have an apron on," he says defiantly and flips the eggs. "I refuse to be constrained by clothes this early in the morning."

Niall laughs at that and goes to plaster himself against Harry's back. He pecks him on the cheek and Harry knocks his head into Niall's affectionately. He untangles himself and takes Ava from Zayn, cooing at her as Zayn smiles.

"Hi," Liam says.

"Hi," he answers and twines their hands. "Your hair's getting long."

"Yeah? I've been thinking about cutting it again, like."

"I like the quiff though."

"You would," Liam says with a snort, pushing his free hand through Zayn's soft strands. Zayn cocks an eyebrow.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Only that you've got an affinity for them, that's all."

"Affinity, nice word."

Liam snorts again. "Bloody literature students. As long as you don't correct my texting."

"Maybe he should," Niall interrupts and pulls a face at Ava. She laughs and pokes him in the cheek. "Your spelling is bloody awful."

"As long as you can understand them, then I'm not too bothered."

"Even if it physically pains us all to read them?" Zayn asks and Liam pinches his bicep.

"Even then."

Laughing, he drapes an arm over Liam and pulls him into his chest. Liam presses his lips to Zayn's arm, right over the "Zap!" tattoo he has there.

"So what are we doing today?" Louis sings as he bounces into the room. "We could go to a bar or summat."

"For Ava's second birthday," Harry says in a flat tone and Louis points at him.

"Exactly." Three voices override him as Niall shakes his head in defeat.

"Don't worry, Tommo. I liked the idea."

"Aww, Nialler. I forgive you for leering at me earlier."

"Twat," he tells him and shifts the baby so she's protecting him from Louis' sharp hands. Louis laughs and steals her away.

"Loulouloulou!"

"AvaAvaAvaAva," he chants back, bouncing her with every word. She squeals and throws her arms around his neck. He pretends to bite her, snapping at her ears playfully. Screwing up her face with giggles, she pushes her shoulders to her ears and leans away.

"Time to eat!" Harry announces, putting plates on the table. "Pancakes and eggs, for the birthday girl."

"Let's sing Happy Birthday!" Niall suggests and starts singing before anyone can tell him no to. So they join, deliberately making it horrible because it makes Ava smile. Then they tuck into the food, passing around pancakes.

It's all very homey and Zayn loves it. Loves how his elbow knocks into Liam's and his foot into Louis'.

"Marry me," Niall groans around a bit of egg. "This is delicious."

"I'm glad you like it, but you'll have to take me on a date before you marry me."

"These _are_ really good, Hazza," Liam says as he cuts another strip of pancake for Ava. Harry beams and squirms in his seat with pride.

"Don't get a big head," says Louis, flinging a piece of yolk at Harry. "S'not attractive."

"I'm marrying Niall, though. I don't need people to find me attractive."

"You're perfect, baby," declares Niall and he throws him an obnoxious wink.

It's nice and clear, for once, so they throw on jackets and trip over to the nearby park. They play on the playground there for an hour or two before they all get bored. Zayn bows out of the footie game Louis is trying to arrange and chooses to sit with Ava instead.

Liam and Niall team up against Harry and Louis. They're good but Louis is better, or would be if Harry had more than the coordination of a twelve year old.

"Harry!" Louis yells as he kicks the ball wide. "Get your head in the game!"

"But my heart's in the song—"

Louis slaps him as he runs by. "Do not quote _High School Musical_ to me, git."

"Nialler, back me up!"

"Can't right now. You're the enemy," Niall says as he steals the ball from Harry and kicks it to Liam. Louis growls when he scores.

"You're useless."

"That's not nice."

"You can't play football without—" Harry chooses that moment to trip over his feet and he goes down, "—falling."

"Hmph," Harry says into the grass and picks himself up. After he's fallen three more times, he marches over to where Zayn and Ava are sitting and plops down. "I give up. Go play."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. I don't want any more bruises." He flaps his hands at Zayn. "Go play with your boyfriend."

"Well, if you put it like that…"

"Not what I mean, Zayn. _Christ._ _"_ His pout turns into a grin as Zayn plants a kiss on his forehead. Zayn gives one to Ava too, for good measure.

"Don't let her eat the grass," he orders and runs on the field to jump on Liam's back.

"I'm pretty sure that's an illegal move," Liam complains with a grunt but his hands reach back to steady him anyway. Zayn laughs and presses his face into his neck, biting down ever so slightly. "Really? You're going to give me a love bite in front of everyone?"

"Louis and Harry give them to each other all the time, and they're not even dating."

"Different circumstances," he says, breath hitching with Zayn sucks a little more. His fingers tighten on his calves and Zayn laughs again. That captures Louis' attention and he whirls around, eyes narrowing when he sees them. Pretending to gag as he jogs over, he glares with hands planted on his hips.

"Absolutely disgusting," spits Louis, but there's a smirk on his face. "Practically shagging in public. Deplorable."

"Be nice to me, I'm your teammate," Zayn tells him and Louis flips him off. Niall joins them with a curious glance at Zayn and Liam.

"You two done shagging?"

"Are you feeling left out, Niall?" Liam coos and Niall flinches.

"I will kick you in the balls."

"I will help."

"Please don't," Zayn says mildly. "I'm quite—"

"If you value my sanity and your life, Zayn Malik, you will not finish that sentence. Now quit riding your boyfriend— bloody hell." Liam drops Zayn and literally doubles over laughing. Niall groans and slaps Louis on the back, who kicks Liam in the shin. "Are you quite finished? Some people are trying to play football here," he says loftily.

Zayn and Liam manage to control their giggles enough to get competitive. Louis drags Zayn away to strategise. He barely remembers any of it, but gets enough to know that he's supposed to go left when Louis goes right.

"You know I don't care, right?"

Louis scowls. "You will care or I will put salt in your coffee for a week."

"I've heard that's actually quite good," Zayn muses, hiding his grin. "Maybe you'd be doing me a favour."

"If I was doing you a favour, I'd throw away all your coffee. It's bloody disgusting. If only you weren't a dick without it in the mornings."

"Are you lot going to chat all day or are we going to play?" Niall shouts as he bounces on his toes. Beside him, Liam is standing with feet spread wide and hands behind his back. He looks serious and ready to go and very, very attractive.

"We're _coming_ Nialler," Louis says and nudges Zayn with his shoulder. "I see you drooling over your boyfriend. Don't get distracted."

"Yeah, okay," he mutters back and Louis claps him on the back, running forward to kick the ball.

Zayn is easily the worst of the group, but Louis is good enough to pick up his slack and he seems relieved to have a teammate that can actually run without falling down.

Liam gives him little touches whenever he passes, a hand on the shoulder or fingers trailing along his back. It feels nice and when Zayn returns them, the touches get longer.

"Pretty sure that's a foul," he comments mildly when Liam wraps his hands around Zayn's hips and physically moves him away.

"You liked it though."

"Still a foul."

"M'just playing the game, babe."

"I don't know what game you're playing, but it's not football."

Liam laughs and gives him a quick peck on the cheek. "I don't need to play any games. I've won you, haven't I?"

Zayn narrows his eyes. "I don't think I like what you're implying."

He shrugs and throws him a wink, running off to assist Niall in stealing the ball from Louis. With a sigh, Zayn follows.

He's streaking down the field, chasing after Niall when something slams into him and knocks him to the ground.

"What the fuck?" he yells, palms digging into Liam's shoulders. "That was a little unnecessary, don't you think?"

Liam is completely unrepentant. "Totally necessary," he answers with a wicked grin. Before Zayn can protest, he leans down and kisses him thoroughly. "I missed you."

"We've been together all day."

"Not what I meant," he mumbles, ducking to press his lips to Zayn's jaw.

"You're amazingly clingy, do you know that?"

"But you love it."

"Begrudgingly." He laughs at the wrinkle in Liam's forehead as he stares at him. "I do, I promise."

"Good."

"Oi!" Niall shouts as he comes over. "We're in public."

"So?" Zayn asks, tilting his head back to glare at him.

"That's public indecency."

"Sod off."

"Leave room for Jesus or something."

"I'm Muslim, I don't think that applies—"

"Hush," Niall advises and collapses on top of Liam. Liam loses his balance and suddenly, Zayn has two crazy boys piled on top of them. Louis scores a goal, yelling, and joins in the dog pile.

"I do believe we just won, Zayner."

"Not fair!" Niall complains. "We were busy!"

"Don't be a sore loser."

"Don't be a cheater."

"I prefer to call it strategic winning."

"Now you're just talking bullshit," Liam says in a slightly strained voice. Zayn can empathise; he's got three people on top of him and he can barely breathe.

"Language, Payno," Louis sneers, reaching past Niall to pinch his side. Liam flinches at that and now Zayn _really_ can't breathe.

"Off, off," he chants and Liam rolls over enough that the other two get the hint. When they're all laying side by side in the grass, Zayn pulls in a large gulp of air.

"You lot are heavy."

"Are you calling us fat?" Niall complains.

" _Yes._ _"_ Niall halfheartedly flails his arm towards Zayn's crotch. He's too far away and it just lands on the grass.

"And here's your baba and uncles being idiots, Ava," Harry says in a sing-song. Zayn cracks open an eye to see them standing over the boys. Both have a flower crown made of wilted daisies in their hair and matching wide smiles. "This is sadly a regular occurrence. But we still love them."

"Speak for yourself, Hazza," Liam says. "You're an idiot all the time."

"And we don't love you," adds Louis and Harry kicks him in the ribs. He groans and rolls over, tucking himself into Liam's side. "Save me, Payno."

Liam dutifully wraps an arm around him and pulls his face into a fierce growl.

"Pick on someone your own size." Louis pinches him. "Oi, what was that for?"

"Being a prick."

"He's sensitive about his height, remember?" Niall says with a yawn and Liam laughs.

"Was that—" Zayn starts and is interrupted by the definite sound of thunder. They all scramble to their feet, gathering their belongings and flattening their hair, before spinning around towards the nearest street.

"There's a McDonalds over there," says Liam, pointing at the telltale arches. Louis clicks his tongue.

"Nah, let's have a cheeky Nando's instead," he offers and starts walking before anyone can say anything more.

"Louis, you absolute ledge." Niall yells after him, only a hint of mocking in his voice. Louis turns on his heel to flip him off and the others chuckle.

"Lee," Ava pipes up from Harry's arms, "hold me."

"Harry's got you now, babe," Zayn tells her and she pouts, whining and tugging on Harry's neck. "Up."

"You are up."

"Up."

"I think she means like on my shoulders," Harry clarifies and he moves to bring Ava up. Liam stops him with a hand.

"That won't be good for your back, mate. She's too heavy."

"Not that much!"

Liam shakes his head firmly and pulls her away. He hoists her up and settles her on his shoulders, his hands holding tight to her legs and her fingers twisting in his hair. Ava squeals at the height and Louis glances back long enough to toss her a smile.

"Carry me, Niall," Harry says, swooning into his arms. "Seeing as I'm an invalid now." Niall rolls his eyes but twists so he's facing away from him.

"Jump on, then." With a whoop, Harry does and Niall only staggers a little under the extra weight. Harry's not that heavy, really, just gangly, but Zayn watches for Niall's limp anyways.

"He's fine," Liam says quietly and knocks him with an elbow. "Stop worrying."

Zayn arches an eyebrow at him and he goes a little pink. "They hypocrisy of _you_ saying that to me…"

"Shut it."

"Make me."

"Not when I'm holding a child. Christ, Zayn. Have a little dignity, at least."

"Hey Niall, I think you've got some sort of weird growth on your back," says Louis and Harry giggles.

"It's a _hairy_ growth, then." The others give him a pointed look. "Geddit? Because I'm Harry…"

"We get it, Styles," Liam tells him, looking faintly pained.

"Why aren't you laughing? That was incredible."

"It was awful."

Harry harrumphs and rubs his chin against the top of Niall's head. "Niall gets me, right?"

"It was fucking hilarious," he repeats dutifully and Harry sighs.

"You're my favourite."

 

The rain really starts pouring on their walk back to the flat. Ava loves the rain and she laughs in delight. Harry pulls her down from Liam's shoulders and starts spinning her around, Niall twirling on his own. Zayn curls into Liam's side with a shudder.

"It's so cold." Liam wraps an arm around his shoulders in response. "I wanna go home."

"Live a little, babe. It's her birthday."

"I don't like being wet."

"We know," Louis puts in, looking a little like a drowned rat. "I don't like it either but here we are. Might as well enjoy it." With a broad sweep of his foot, he sprays them both with water. Zayn sputters.

"That is not how to enjoy the rain!"

"It was fun for me."

Zayn turns to Liam for backup and is momentarily rendered speechless by him in a soaked shirt. Liam peels it away from his body but it just sticks right back to his chest. He swallows hard.

"Have you changed your mind yet?" Louis asks sweetly and Liam gets a dangerous glint in his eye. Before Louis can react, Liam grabs him in a bear hug and doesn't let go. "Disgusting. You're _wet,_ Liam."

"And who's fault is that?"

"And now _I_ _'_ _m_ wet. Gross." Liam just grins and cuddles him closer. Louis growls, low in his throat, and squirms. He manages to stomp on his feet and breaks free, gloating. With a running leap, Zayn jumps on his back and they very nearly fall to the ground. Liam catches him and Zayn has never been so thankful for his boyfriend's arms before.

Well, that might be a bit of an exaggeration. But the thought remains.

"Get off me, prick." Zayn does, running his hand through Louis' hair so it goes flat as he does. Louis glares at him and fixes it. "Remind me why I live with you?"

"Because I am a fucking delight."

"No one believes that, Zayn. And no," he holds up a hand to stop Liam's protests, "your puppy-eyed boyfriend does not count."

A shriek catches all of their attention. They whirl around to see Niall sitting in a puddle with Ava on top of him, mud everywhere. Ava looks about three seconds from wailing and Harry's torn between laughter and concern.

"Is everyone alright?" Liam asks and Niall blinks up at him.

"I have mud in my mouth." He turns his head to the side and spits. "Ouch, my arse."

That does it for both Harry and Ava; they collapse into laughter and tears respectively. Niall frowns at the former as Zayn scoops up his daughter and shushes her.

"That was ridiculous," Harry manages to gasp out.

"You are a horrible person," Niall answers and turns his frown into a pout. "Can we go home now?" Liam offers him his hand and pulls the blond up to his feet. He winces a bit and groans.

"You can get a shower at mine, yeah?" Louis says, concerned despite the grin that's fighting to take over his face. "And some tea, for your dignity." Niall harrumphs in agreement and they all shuffle down the street to Zayn and Louis' complex.

They are absolutely soaked when they stumble in, so they all strip to their pants and leave their clothes in a wet pile by the door. Zayn and Louis go hunting for dry outfits as Niall helps himself to the shower and Harry and Liam give Ava a makeshift bath in the kitchen sink.

Liam excuses himself to Zayn's room to get dressed. Harry flat-out refuses the trackies shoved at him and Zayn sighs.

"Being naked-or almost-is a good thing."

"Please, Harry. At least wear something over your pants. My child is too young to be traumatised like this." Harry opens his mouth to object, but Louis shoves a biscuit in his mouth before he can speak.

"Shut up and put on the damn clothing. Also, stop being a dick." He punctuates it with a slap to Harry's chest that has Harry glaring even more.

"You guys are no fun," he grumbles, garbled from the half-chewed biscuit. "Why can't I live in peace?"

"Because you're not the only one that lives here," supplied Zayn and ignores Harry's pout. "Actually, you don't live here at all so why do you get a say in this?"

"Our house, our rules," chimes Louis.

"Fucking clothes Nazis," Harry snarls without any real malice. Louis tugs on his hair affectionately as he passes to flip on the kettle.

"Swear jar."

"Sodding pricks, why do I endure this bullshit?" he mutters, stomping out into the other room to root through his jeans. Zayn puts his hands around Ava's ever-listening ears and flips him off behind her back. Still muttering under his breath, Harry drops a handful of coins into the jar and folds his arms.

"Happy?" he demands. Louis smiles at him.

"As a clam."

"Someone's in a mood," Niall comments as he walks in, skin pink from the heat of the shower. He plucks a t-shirt and joggers from the pile and pulls them on. "What's got his knickers in a twist?"

"Flower Child here is objecting to society's demand for clothing when in company," Louis tells him with a grin. Niall snorts and squints down at his chest.

"Is this my shirt?" Zayn shrugs. "What's my clothing doing here? Liam, have you been stealing my clothes again?"

"Erm..." Liam winces and stands next to Zayn. "Maybe?"

"And giving them to Zayn to wear, I reckon." Zayn shrugs again and doesn't deny it. Niall rolls his eyes.

"If it makes you feel better, I'm pretty sure half of Zayn's wardrobe actually belongs to me," says Harry. Louis snorts and takes out a teapot, filling it up and dropping in a few sachets.

"I'd say the same, except I steal it back when I do laundry. It's a downside to being his friend; he helps himself to your clothes."

"How about not talking about me when I'm right here, hmm? I'm quiet, not bloody invisible." Liam presses a kiss to his head. "At least you're on my side, right babe?"

"I'm sorry, but I'm really not. It's a bad habit of yours." He ducks his head closer so his mouth is against Zayn's ear. "You do look hot in my clothes, though."

Zayn elbows him and jerks away, ignoring the twist somewhere south of his stomach. "My daughter is right here, Liam."

"That didn't stop you earlier."

"Well-"

"I think that's enough," Niall announces as he shoulders his way in between them. Zayn steps back so he's not plastered against Niall and frowns.

"That's the second time you've done that today. What are you, our bloody chaperone?"

"Apparently, since you need one. I can't take any more of the coupley sh-tuff right now," he whines with Harry and Louis nodding their agreement. "It's bloody awful."

"We'll tone it down, Nialler," says Liam because Niall's disappointed tone is almost impossible to refuse.

"We'll just have to cuddle _you_ instead," teases Zayn and he latches himself to Niall, digging his fingers in his side so Niall squirms.

"If this is what you do to Liam it's a miracle that he's still your boyfriend," he mumbles, muffled by Zayn's arm. Zayn tickles him harder in retaliation. "Enough, enough."

"Tea's ready," Louis announces as he pours it into mugs. He shoves one at each of them and raises his eyebrow when Harry complains.

"If you want to drink herbal piss you'll have to get out of this house."

"Rude."

"This is a Yorkshire-only home."

"That and coffee," Zayn interrupts and Louis gives him a look.

"And coffee because Zayn's bitchy in the mornings without it."

"Lou," he says warningly, tilting his head towards Ava. Louis smirks at him and scoops her up.

"Doesn't make it any less true. I'm bored, let's play FIFA."

"I'm first," Liam shouts, running into the living room and snatching a controller. Louis and Niall follow. Zayn pauses at the door and glances back at Harry.

"You coming?"

"Nah, I've got to make a cake."

"You just don't want to be beat again, do you."

Harry blushes, just a little, and smiles. "Ava needs a birthday cake and I don't trust any of you to make it. And it'll be good because I—"

"—used to work in a bakery, yes I know. The whole bloody world knows."

"I like for my talents to be recognised, thank you very much. Now shoo. Birthday cakes can't be baked in a negative atmosphere."

Zayn retreats, rolling his eyes at Harry as he goes, and sits down next to Liam.

"Hands to yourself," Niall warns but he's distracted by the game. Ava's sitting in Louis' lap and listening to him commentate, parroting words and adding her own as well. Every time she speaks he goes quiet and pays attention.

"That's right," he says when she babbles for a minute. Zayn catches "Lee", "Niall" and "ball" in the mix. Louis drops a kiss on the top of her head and taps Niall on the shoulder. "You've lost already. My turn." Niall throws him the controller and gets up to wander into the kitchen.

"Zayn, take your child," Louis demands as he moves to hand her to Zayn. Liam intercepts and settles her down on his knee instead. Louis raises his eyebrows.

"Bet I can still beat you, even with Ava here."

"Deal."

Halfway into the game, a knock on the door sounds. Zayn tilts his head at it, frowning, before getting up to pull it open.

It's Eleanor, with a grocery bag in her hand and a smile on her face.

"What're you doing here?"

"My favourite Malik is turning two. Where else would I be?" she says, stepping in for a hug. He pecks her on the cheek for good measure.

"Oi, hands off my girlfriend," Louis yells from the other room. "Otherwise I'll be forced to snog Liam and no one wants that."

Zayn and Eleanor share an exasperated look and a laugh.

"What's in the bag?"

"Ice cream. Harry said there'd be cake, so I thought I'd bring it along."

"Brilliant," Zayn says, reaching for the bag. "I'll go put it away, then. Harry, El brought somethi—fucking hell!"

Harry drags his mouth away from Niall's and grins at Zayn. "What?"

He drops the ice cream.

"What in the world are you doing?"

"What does it look like?" Niall asks, only a bit of a blush on his cheeks. Zayn presses a hand to his forehead before glancing over.

Harry's up with his back against the counter and Niall's flush against him. Both their lips are red and there's a mark blooming on the side of Harry's jaw.

"It looks like you guys were snogging while the cake burns."

Harry frowns. "The cake can't be burning, I put it in like ten minutes ago— oh." Niall stifles a laugh against his shoulder as Harry pets his hair absently.

"What's going on?" Louis asks, hands on his hips. "I heard a crash."

"You were really quick to check," says Zayn and Louis shrugs.

"Figured it could wait until I scored my next goal. Why's there ice cream on the floor?"

"Zayn dropped it," says Niall.

"Because I walked in to them snogging."

"Who?"

"Them!" He waves his hand at the two by the counter. Behind Louis, Liam's eyes widen and then he bursts into laughter.

"Really, Niall? After you told _us_ to keep our hands to ourselves?"

"Yeah, well."

"When did this happen?" asks Louis and Harry leans around Niall to glance at the oven.

"Erm, about nine minutes ago."

"Fucking ace," Louis says as he runs forward to pull them both in a hug. "I knew you two were flirting."

"We weren't—"

"Shut up, Niall. You laugh at all his jokes."

"They're funny!" they protest together and Louis knocks their heads together gently.

"They're shit," Zayn tells them and comes over to join the cuddle, Liam not far behind.

"If I had known kissing Harry would've gotten me a group hug, I would've done it a long time ago," Niall says, slightly muffled. Harry laughs and squirms a little under Zayn's arm.

"How long ago?"

"Um, a while?"

"Aww."

Louis pinches him. "No sappy shit when I'm in the room."

"Aw, come off it, Lou," Eleanor says, coming into the kitchen with Ava toddling behind her. She leans against the counter and smirks at them. "As if you aren't a secret hopeless romantic."

They all snigger at Louis' pink face. He detaches himself from the huddle and slings his arm around El instead.

"Someone's got to keep them in line or they'll be all over each other. See?" He jerks his head to where Niall and Harry are kissing again. Zayn shudders and reaches over to grab the half-melted ice cream off the floor.

The timer goes off, but Harry doesn't seem to notice.

"Alright," says Liam and he gently pulls Niall away. "The cake is really going to burn now." Harry runs to the oven and switches it off, pulling it out and dropping it onto the counter.

"I saved it!"

"Good, Ava never would've forgiven you," Zayn says and knocks his knuckles against the back of Louis' head. Louis glares.

"What was that for?"

"My child is chewing on your wallet."

"Don't let her then," he mutters defiantly but he plucks it out of her hands anyway. Ava frowns at him for a moment and then her face crumples. Liam's the one that gets to her first and he murmurs comfort under his breath.

"She makes the same face you do when you cry," Eleanor teases and nudges him with a hip. He frowns at her, lifting his chin.

"I don't cry."

"You really do, Tommo," says Niall from where he's perched on the counter. "All the time."

"I do not!"

Eleanor trills a laugh and kisses his cheek. "Whatever you say."

Harry finishes the cake then and it distracts Louis from pitching a fit. Niall pulls down plates, Eleanor fishes the ice cream out, Liam flicks on the kettle and Zayn hands Harry a knife.

"Happy birthday Ava!" he says, the others echoing, and she lights up. Liam puts her down in her seat and they manage to find enough chairs to all fit around the table.

"You can't sit next to your boyfriend," Louis says. "S'not proper."

"We're not boyfriends," Harry replies and Niall nods in agreement. Louis looks at where their hands are intertwined and raises an eyebrow. "We're just snogging."

"Fine, then. You can't sit next to anyone you're snogging."

Eleanor sits in his lap and smiles primly up at him.

"Not fair!" Liam protests as he pulls Zayn over next to him.

"You're undermining my authority, babe."

"What authority?" she asks, snickering, and he rolls his eyes.

Zayn puts a piece of cake — no candles to blow out, because no one thought ahead that far— in front of Ava, who looks delighted. She eats it with her hands and gets icing all over her mouth.

"You're going to need a bath tonight," he says and she takes another bite. "You're also not going to sleep tonight, are you? We'll let Uncle Harry deal with you, cause he's the one who made you all this sugar."

"Can't have a birthday without cake!" Harry pipes up.

"Can't have a bedtime with a hyperactive child either."

"More," Ava says imperiously and she's got a piece in front of her before Zayn can say no. He frowns at Niall.

"Just let Liam sing to her, and she'll go straight to sleep," he advises and Zayn tilts his head at Liam.

"That might work."

Liam shrugs. "It has before."

 

They're settled in together on the sofa. _Tangled_ is playing on the telly, because Zayn had threatened to snap _Toy Story_ if he had to watch it again and this was the best compromise.

Liam comes back into the room with a bowl full of sliced apples and hands them to Ava. She takes one out and starts to chew, grinning at Liam.

"Say thank you," Zayn prompts and nudges her gently.

"Tank you," she says obediently. Liam sits and pats her on the head.

"Hey babe, could you watch her for a minute while I go for a shower?" Zayn asks and Liam smiles up at him.

"Yeah, go ahead. I'll stay here and watch Eugene try and trick Rapunzel. Go get clean; you smell like paint."

"Thank you," he says, echoing Ava, pressing a kiss to Liam's lips before he skips out into the bathroom. It feels good to scrub the leftover paint from his skin, watching the flakes swirl down the drain. He nicks Harry's shampoo because it smells the best and because he's a little peeved Harry's kept shampoo here, honestly. Glancing around the room, he notices a lot of his shit is here.

"Babe, how much would Harry hate us if we made him pay rent?" he calls as he gets out. He hums under his breath as he waits for the answer.

"I'm here more than he is and I don't pay rent," Liam calls back and Zayn pauses. He slips on his pants and slips into the other room.

"You could, though."

Liam lolls his head back on the sofa to grin at him. "You're going to make me do that? I'm your boyfriend, I think I'm allowed to leave my stuff around."

"No, I mean—" he cuts himself off and chews his lip for a moment. "Louis is thinking about moving in with Eleanor next year."

"Big step for him. Who's going to live with you then? Harry?"

"Or you could."

Liam's smile freezes in place for a second as he stares at him. "You're asking me to move in with you when you're in your pants and _Tangled_ is playing?"

"Well, yeah."

"Interesting tactic there, Malik."

"Is it working?"

"I dunno." He studies Zayn for a moment, worrying his bottom lip with his teeth. "Is it moving too fast? We've only been dating for what, four months?"

"Something like that. If you don't want to move in, like, you can just tell me. I can ask Harry or summat," Zayn says, pulling a hand through his hair.

"No, no I do! I just wanted to make sure."

"I'm sure."

"Alright then." They grin at each other for a few seconds before Liam shakes his head. "Come over here so I can snog you properly."

"Let me put on some clothes first."

"That's literally the exact opposite of what I want to happen," Liam complains and he chuckles. "The things I sacrifice for your child."

"Fuck off." He waits for Liam's retort but it never comes. A crash and then—"SHIT!"

He pulls his shirt over his head and head back, brow furrowed. Liam is sitting on the couch, staring at Ava in horror who is currently turning purple.

"Is she choking?"

"I think so?" But Zayn is already moving before the words are fully out of Liam's mouth. Frantically thinking back to what he's been told, he pounds on her back to no avail.

"Open your mouth," he commands, pulling her chin down. There's a piece of apple in the back of her throat, he can see it. "Oh, fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck." He hits her solidly on the back again and prays that he won't have to do the Heimlich on his two year old. She makes a gurgling sound and coughs a bit. "That's good, that's good right?" he shouts at Liam.

"I don't know! I don't know!" Liam shouts back, a panicked look in his eyes. Ava makes another horrible god-awful sound and vomits over the sofa. She starts crying as soon as she can, her voice sounding raw, and he picks her up out of the mess. "Where's my fucking phone?" It's on the counter; he dials Louis.

"Ava started choking."

"What?"

"She was eating an apple and she started choking."

"Is she okay?"

"She's breathing now, but I don't know what to do, Louis."

"How long?"

"I don't know, a minute maybe?"

"You need to go the A&E now, to make sure everything's okay. Is anyone with you?"

He glances over to the sofa. "Liam's here, but I think he's in shock. He's not moving."

"Call a taxi and get to the A&E. I'll meet you there, yeah?"

"Yeah. Thanks, Louis." He hangs up before he can reply and calls a taxi. They promise to have one over as soon as possible and he has enough time to grab his wallet and everything he needs.

"Are you coming?" he says to Liam and it's like he flipped a switch. Liam looks up at him and then at Ava.

"Yeah."

"Okay, let's go. C'mon."

The drive to the hospital seems endless, the wait once they're there even more so. Ava's cries settle down to a low sniffle, encouraged by Zayn's gentle hands rubbing her back.

Louis shows up after about ten minutes, face set in a determined line, and sits with them. His foot jumps up and down and Zayn would find it infuriating if he wasn't fidgeting too. Liam is completely still.

Hospitals are the worst, but then everyone knows that. There's absolutely no light and dirty tiles and the faint smell of antiseptic underlying everything else. People are slouched in uncomfortable seats, himself included, and there's just a general feeling of hopelessness around. It's hell, honestly and truly.

He breathes a quiet prayer when they're finally called in. Ava refuses to sit by herself on the table, so he sits and turns her around in his lap. She reaches back until she can reach his shirt and curls her hand in it, little fingers going white with the effort.

The doctor that sees them is brusque but thorough. He declares Ava safe and tells them that they did the right thing. They leave with orders to cut her food in smaller pieces and watch her more carefully when she eats.

 

Harry and Niall are at their flat when they get back. Zayn shouldn't be surprised, but he is. He writes it off as exhaustion and lets Ava be tugged from his grip into Harry's worried arms.

For lack of a better thing to do, he turns to the kitchen to get a cup of water. His own throat feels rough and sore and the last two hours seem out of a nightmare. He wants to scrub it from his memory entirely. Liam follows him.

"What the fuck was that?" he hisses, turning to face his boyfriend. Liam flinches. "You just fucking sat there. She couldn't _breathe,_ Liam!"

"I don't know, it just happened so fast. Like it didn't register or something." He sounds upset but Zayn can't really care right now.

"She was choking! She could've died!" Liam blanches.

"I'm sorry, alright? I panicked!"

"You were responsible for her!" Zayn yells back, fists clenching by his side. He's not angry, not really, but he's full of leftover adrenaline and panic and okay, maybe a little angry. "And you didn't do anything."

"I didn't ask to be—"

"But that's what happens when you're the only adult in the room, _fuck_ Liam. What if I hadn't noticed?"

Liam goes paler, if possible. He opens his mouth a couple of times, closes it, and just stares. Niall wanders in and freezes, glancing between them a couple of times.

"Are Mum and Dad fighting," he asks finally, cautiously.

"Don't—" Liam says and the rest of the words get stuck in his throat. Niall's face softens and he wraps his arms around Liam, hugging him close. Liam tenses for a moment and then relaxes into it. Zayn can see his shaking hands from here.

He ignores the look Niall gives him when he slides by without touching Liam. He takes the sleeping Ava back from Harry and sits.

She doesn't leave his arms. Liam doesn't stay the night.

 

There's tension, Zayn can feel it. But he doesn't want to acknowledge it, acknowledge whatever's changed between them because he's not sure he can handle that distance. So he doesn't.

"Can we go out?" Niall whines into Louis' neck. Louis makes a face and pushes him away, muttering about him being too hot. "Please? I'm bored. I wanna get smashed."

"Can't on this short of notice," Zayn says from where he's laying on the floor. "And I've got work tomorrow morning."

"Are you twenty or two hundred, Zayn?"

He rolls his eyes and frowns up at Niall. "I'm not spending all that money just be hungover and miserable in the morning."

"Alright then. Zayn's out. Harry?" Harry nods once, hesitantly, gaze focused on to where Louis and Niall are sitting together. He curls into Liam's side a little and pastes a small smile on his face. "Louis?"

"Only if the first round is on you."

Niall's smile grows wider and he stands up, dragging Louis with him. "Sick. C'mon, boys. Zayn, Liam, it was nice to see you. Have a fun night in— not too fun, mind you—and go to bed before midnight, yeah?"

Zayn rolls his eyes again. "I thought Louis was supposed to be the mum."

"We take it in turns," Louis tells him and gives them both a swift peck on the forehead. "Coming, Harry?"

"Yeah." Zayn sits up as he walks by and catches his hand.

"Hazza? You okay?" he whispers and Harry gives him the same small smile. "You seem down."

"Just a little stressed, I guess. I'll be fine. It'll be good to get out so… Yeah. I'm okay."

Zayn studies him for a moment and Harry doesn't fidget, doesn't give any indication of his feelings at all. He lets him go.

"You could've gone with them, you know," he says to the quiet room and Liam looks up from his phone. "If you wanted to, like."

"I, erm, actually have something to do tonight? I have a group project at the library in a few."

"So late?"

"Yeah, it was the only time we all could make it work. I'll be back tonight but don't wait up, yeah? You've got an early morning."

"Opening shift," Zayn groans and grimaces. "I don't want to think about it. You'll be here to watch Ava, yeah?"

Liam coughs once. "Um, yeah. Louis'll be here too?"

"Massively hungover and probably grouchy but yeah. Harry too, probably. He'll be nicer."

"That'll be fine then." He drops down and presses a kiss to his lips. It's too chaste and Zayn tries to deepen it, suddenly needing more. But Liam steps away with a rueful expression. "I can't be late."

"I expect it later."

"Not tonight. But later," he promises and he, too, leaves. Zayn chews on his lip for a moment and realises he is really and truly alone for the first time in what seems like forever. He celebrates with a cup of tea and an episode of shit telly before bed.

 

He wakes to Liam sliding in beside him, trying to be quiet and failing.

"What time izzit?" he mumbles and Liam chuckles.

"Go back to sleep."

"Mmm, okay," he answers, tugging him closer and burying his face in Liam's back, wrinkling his nose at the smell. It's a mix of sweat and alcohol and smoke.

"Babe," he asks, feeling totally awake now, "why do you smell like a pub? I thought you were going to the library or summat."

Liam stiffens and the muscles under Zayn's cheek go tense. "Oh, um, we went out to celebrate. Like, after."

"Oh, okay. Did you have a good time?"

"Mmm," he sighs and Zayn can tell he's halfway to asleep already. Zayn can't, can't shake the feeling that something's wrong, and so he lays awake the rest of the night.

Liam kisses him sleepily the next morning when Zayn leaves and he pretends he can't see the faded scratch marks poking out from the collar of his shirt.

 

Harry sends them all a text message a while later.

 _Family dinner tonight. Don_ _'_ _t miss it. No excuses. -H xx_

And that's that. Zayn comes home from his shift to find Niall and Liam playing Mario Kart while Louis coos at Ava and bothers Harry in the kitchen. He slaps Niall around the head to distract him enough so that Liam pulls ahead.

"Oi, none of that!' Niall complains, trying to slam his head backwards to connect with Zayn. He dodges it and sniggers. "Fecking boyfriends, I swear. Where's my help? Louis! Come out and distract Liam for me."

"With pleasure," Louis says and he drops into Liam's lap. Liam's car goes over the edge. "How's my boy today?"

"I'd be a whole lot better if you stopped. _Honestly_ _—_ Lou!" Louis laughs and continues to hit at his chest and wherever else he can reach. Zayn drapes himself across Niall's back and brushes his fingers across his very ticklish ribs.

"Fuck no," Niall swears and he slams his head back again. It bangs against Zayn's collarbone and he hisses, dropping away.

"That _hurt_ , Nialler!"

"It's your fault!"

"Awww, maybe Liam will kiss it better," Louis tells him, stroking Liam's face with a smirk. He grabs his cheeks and pushes his lips into a pout. "After he loses, that is."

Liam manages to stick his tongue out far enough to lick at Louis' hand. Louis just squeezes harder.

"You'll have to try better than that, Payno."

Zayn runs his hands through Niall's hair, pulling at the strands. "Isn't it time you went back for a dye job, Niall?"

"Maybe. What's it to you?"

"You're looking a little brown. Maybe you should purple this time. That'd be a nice change." Niall jerks his head away and crosses the finish line.

"Nice one, Niall!" Louis crows, reaching over to give him a hi five. "Good teamwork!" Liam shoves him off his lap and pulls Zayn over instead.

"Where'd the Irish bastard hurt you?" he says and Zayn taps the sore place on his neck. Liam leans down brushes his mouth over it gently, trailing up to kiss him gently on the lips as well.

Niall kicks him. "That was for the Irish comment. And _that,_ " he kicks him again, "is for being gross."

"Pot calling the kettle black. Go talk to Harry or something," Zayn orders. Niall growls and starts a new game. Louis snags the controller and joins in.

"Zayn! Come entertain your child so I can cook," Harry shouts and Zayn gets up with a sigh. Harry looks just a little flustered, cheeks pink and curls wild from the steam.

"What're you making?" he says as he scoops up Ava.

"Shepherd's pie."

"Why?"

"Felt like it," he answers with a grin. "Ava's been helping with the stirring and such, but now it's getting a little too stressful.

"Why isn't Niall helping you? He reckons he's the next Jamie Oliver, yeah?"

Harry turns back to the stove. "I told him to have fun and I didn't need the help."

"Why'm I here, then?"

"Ava's getting bored. Aren't you Ave?"

"Colour."

"Yeah, we can colour until it's time to eat." He grabs a paper and a set of crayons from the drawer. "Here."

"Truly your child," Harry comments and Zayn laughs. It's forced and he suddenly feels desperately in need of a cigarette. "What's going on between you and Liam?"

"Nothing. What's going on between you and Niall? Are you two a couple or…"

"No."

"Why? Do you not like him?"

"I like kissing him, but I like being single more."

"Harry," Zayn says and nudges him until he turns his head, "you're a shit liar, you know that right?"

"I know." He sighs, mouth twisting up in a bitter smile. "I like kissing him, but I like being single more. Niall likes kissing me, but he likes shagging other people more."

"Harry…"

"Nah, it's fine. S'not like we were dating or anything. Just snogging, occasionally. It didn't mean anything."

Zayn raises an eyebrow. "Obviously it did."

"We didn't talk about it, so it's not really my fault. I'm not… I'm not going to, either. Just leave it, Zayn," he says quietly when Zayn goes to interrupt. "I'll be fine, I swear."

"Are you—"

"The food's done. Can you call them in?"

"Yeah, okay." He tugs the paper away from Ava, sets a pile of plates down, and yells for the boys. They come running in, hollering, and settle around the table.

"This looks great, Hazza!" Niall say and he pecks Harry's cheek when he leans over. "You're the best." Harry pulls a face that Niall doesn't notice, but Zayn does and he shoots him a sympathetic smile.

"Tuck in, then," Harry says as he sits.

"This is really nice," Louis says after a moment, "but why are we having a family dinner?"

"It's scientifically proven that families that eat dinner together are happier. And I thought we needed it."

"Why?" Niall asks, looking up from his plate in surprise. "Is there something wrong?"

No one answers him.

"It's important for Ava, yeah?" Liam says and Harry nods.

"She'll end up like a delinquent like her father otherwise," Louis sniggers and Zayn kicks him under the table.

"I am not!"

"You smoke and you used to go out and do graffiti. Didn't you own a motorcycle at one point?"

"Might've," he grumbles, poking at his food.

"And don't get me started on the clothes. A leather jacket, Zayner. Can you get any more cliche?"

"Says the drama student who wore red trousers and braces for two years."

Louis narrows his eyes. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Oh, nothing." He shoves a forkful into his mouth and smirks. Louis throws a roll at him, but it catches Niall in the head instead.

"Oh no, Niall!" Louis whines with Liam snickering beside him. Harry's eyes go wide and his fingers circle Niall's wrists before he can retaliate. Niall pouts.

"Harry! They started it!"

"I worked too long on this for it to end up on the floor instead of eaten."

"It's shepherd's pie. It's easy."

Harry sniffs. "The salad took quite a while, thank you very much."

Niall sighs but agrees to keep the food on his plate. He mouths a warning to Louis and Liam, who just laugh harder.

 

"I hate this," Liam groans, throwing his notebook to the floor. "I hate this, I hate this, I hate this." He rolls over onto his stomach and buries his face in his arms.

"What, babe?"

"Fucking accounting. I hate numbers."

Zayn blinks at him once before putting his own work away. "Why're you taking the class, then?"

"I've got to. It's required, innit. It's just so— ugh."

"Do you like any of your lectures?" Zayn asks after a moment. "I don't think I've ever heard you say anything positive about them."

"S'just a bad term. Bad classes."

"Okay, but like, you're not happy." Liam raises his head and gives him a look.

"Is anyone happy this close to exam time?"

"Liam. Stop avoiding the question."

"Zayn," he parrots back. "Stop pressing the question."

"Why is this such an issue for you? I want to help, babe, and you're not letting me."

"You're pushing and I don't like it. Who cares if I don't enjoy my classes right now? I'll get through them and it'll be fine. I'm fine."

"But you don't sound it," Zayn insists. "I'm tired of seeing you like this."

Liam sits up slowly and faces Zayn, carefully devoid of any expression. "Like what, exactly?"

"You don't… You tense every time someone asks you about your studies, do you know that? You get all uncomfortable and don't answer the question."

"So?"

He scrubs a hand through his hair. "That's not how it's supposed to be, love. You're supposed to at least be able to talk about what you're going to do."

"I enjoy it!"

"No, you don't! Everyone can tell that you hate it! I don't understand why you don't change it to something you actually can, like, be proud of and shit."

"I'll be proud—"

"Are you seriously going to tell me that you'll be happy working as a businessman for the rest of your fucking life?"

"I'll be happy. S'what I'm supposed to do. And I'll be happy when I know I can provide for my family."

"You don't have to do this," Zayn says quietly and Liam shoots to his feet, glaring.

"Yes, I do! My parents worked hard to make sure I could do what I'm doing."

"They want you to be happy."

"They want me to not have to follow in my father's footsteps and work in the factory all my life. And what else am I supposed to do, Zayn? I'm not smart like you, I can't be a lawyer or doctor or whatever. I'm not _good_ at anything else, fuck, I can barely understand this business bullshit. What do you think I should do?" he demands with a heaving chest.

"There are other—"

"Like what?"

"I don't know, I haven't really thought about it," Zayn snaps. "You love music and you're good at that."

Liam laughs once, bitterly. "Music doesn't earn a steady income."

"Maybe not performing, yeah, but like, there are other parts to it. Music business or producing or _something._ You're going to hate your life if you don't do something you're passionate about."

"That's what hobbies are for."

"That's not good enough!"

Liam goes completely and totally still, his eyes burning holes. Zayn feels the blood drain from his face as he realises what he said.

"That's not what I meant. You're taking it the wrong way—"

"How do you know that?" he says and his voice is so low, so upset that it makes Zayn flinch.

"Cause I know you, babe."

"What did you mean then?"

" _Fuck,_ I don't know, alright? I can't explain it."

"Not good enough," Liam repeats and he pushes past Zayn out to the hallway. He's gone nearly before Zayn can fully understand what's happening.

"Fuck," he says again, digging the palms of his hands into his eyes. He's torn, so torn. Part of him wants to follow Liam out and corner him, make him see sense. But he's pissed and it's another thing added to the long list of things that are wrong between them.

He checks his watch and swears at the time; he's nearly late for his shift and he can't deal with this, can't handle all this emotion that's begging him to simply collapse in a pile on his bed. He squares his shoulders and does it anyway.

His shift at the coffee shop is endless, or at least it feels like it. Time warps in weird ways. He's closing tonight, and the last hour by himself seems to last forever and a day.

Finally, _finally,_ a quarter till arrives and he can start getting ready to shut down the shop. He pulls down the blinds, switches off the machines and moves towards the door to flip the sign. It pushes open as he takes his hand away and he stumbles back a step with the force.

"I'm sorry, we're closed— Liam? Is everything okay?" Liam watches him for a moment and shakes his head. "No? Oh my god, who's hurt?"

"Not… not like that. I mean, yes, everyone's fine. I just—"

"Don't," Zayn says, because there's an awful feeling of dread twisting in his chest and he's terrified of what Liam will say next. So he shuts him up as best as he knows how, eliminating the distance between them and kissing him, hard. Liam reacts like Zayn knew he would, running his hands over his sides and digging in at his hips.

He bites down on Liam's lip, turning the kiss a little wilder, and it pulls a groan from them both. Their breaths are ragged and hot when they break apart for a moment and Zayn ducks down to mouth at his collarbones. Liam hisses at the nip of his teeth, fingers tightening. Zayn licks over the mark and sucks another one higher up, on his neck.

When he's done, Liam's hands come up to cradle his face, thumbs pushing at the hinge of his jaw as he kisses Zayn on the mouth. It's just shy of too rough but it's perfect, it's what they both need. Zayn whines at the swipe of Liam's tongue against his lips.

Liam pulls away after a moment, the tease, and takes his turn sucking bruises into Zayn's skin. The setting sun paints Liam's skin gold and his hair light and he feels a little overwhelmed.

"You're beautiful," he chokes out and gets a nip for his trouble.

"Shut up," Liam growls into his chest and pushes Zayn back until he hits the counter. And even then, he doesn't stop, and Zayn'll have a line of bruises on the small of his back in the morning.

Liam kisses him again, more tongue and teeth than actual kiss, and it adds fuel to the fire in Zayn's stomach. He's got a death grip on the wood behind him because he's not quite sure his knees won't buckle and his head is spinning with confusion and dread and anger and lust. Liam's face is strangely blank, save for the furrow between his eyebrows, and that makes Zayn all the more desperate. He wants to kiss it away but Liam's hands are too hard and his teeth are too insistent, it's all he can focus on.

He digs his nails into wood underneath him, praying it won't make marks that he'll have to explain to his manager later, and shivers at the scratches Liam leaves on his back. It feels good and he just wants to _touch,_ so he slips his hand under his shirt and rakes up Liam's stomach before smoothing back down again.

"Shit," breathes Liam and he bites down hard on his shoulder. Zayn does it once more, feeling the way his muscles tense under his touch, and Liam's hands grow almost painful on his waist. Then Liam's mouth is on his again and his mind goes blank for a few minutes. Liam's fingers brush against the knob at the top of his spine, right over his tattoo, pushing a little until they're even closer together and whining into each other's mouths.

"This is so wrong," he says around his unsteady breathing and Liam makes a noncommittal sound. Tugging on Zayn's belt loops, he glances up.

"Can I?"

"Yeah,' Zayn whispers roughly and he sinks down to his knees.

Later, when Liam's cleaned them both off and left with a last kiss, Zayn wipes his mouth with the back of his hand and tries not to think about how it tasted like a goodbye.

 

Liam leaves in bits and pieces, like he's extracting himself from Zayn's life. He appreciates it, because he knows from experience that pulling away slowly makes life less painful. Little, manageable shocks to his system instead of a lightning bolt and agony.

 

"Hey Liam," he calls one day, "can you put Ava to bed?"

"Um," he answers and Zayn takes her himself.

 

_ive ben thinkin nd i dont think i can live with u_

_sorry_

 

"Are you staying the night?"

"I don't think so."

"Alright." He turns his head away from the peck of Liam's lips.

 

"Where's Liam?"

Zayn sets the bowl of popcorn down and glances at Niall. "Isn't he coming?"

"He's not," Louis says, waving his phone. "I've just got a text."

"But it's Saturday," Harry argues and he looks at Zayn with sad, sad eyes. Zayn ignores him. "We always are together on Saturdays."

Louis' phone chirps and they all seem to hold their breath as he checks it.

"Says he's busy tonight. He's sorry."

Now they're all looking at him with the same expression of hesitant pity. He locks eyes with each one of them in turn and Niall's the first to drop his gaze.

"Liam is a big boy," Zayn says calmly. "He does what he wants."

They recognise the end of the conversation and move on to easier topics, like the movie they've decided to watch tonight. Zayn goes back into the kitchen to refill the bowl they've already managed to empty and catches himself on the wall.

"Fuck," he whispers once and it's like it unleashes a flood because it's all he can say, all he can think for a good minute.

Louis finds him there and doesn't say anything, takes the bowl and sets it down before pulling him into a hug.

"It's nothing, I'm being stupid," he says, words garbled from the emotion clogging them down.

"You're not," Louis tells him firmly and it makes it almost worse. "This is a big thing."

"It shouldn't be."

"But it is. No one's blaming you."

"Niall—"

"Niall's your friend too." Louis smoothes his hands down Zayn's back. "And I'm Liam's friend and so is Harry. Still doesn't stop me from telling him when he's being a dick."

"You didn't."

"Did," he says with a grin and Zayn huffs out a laugh. "I'm pretty sure Niall did too. Blowing us off is not cool. Now let's go before they start shagging in the other room, yeah?"

"Oh god."

They're not, but Harry's curls are a little wilder and Niall's cheeks are stained pink and both of their lips are bitten red.

"I don't want to know," Louis tells them as he settles next to Harry, pulling Zayn down with him. They both blush. Niall curls into Harry's side, Harry settles an arm over Louis' shoulders and Louis tugs Zayn until he's stretched across all three of them. Someone, probably Harry, scratches his hands along his scalp and they just sit there.

"Are we going to turn on a movie or summat?" he asks after a few minutes of silence.

"We're cuddling," Niall says, a little grumpily. "Don't ruin the moment."

Louis snorts. "Don't get between Niall and his hugs."

"Damn right," he growls and they laugh until a sound from the bedroom quiets them. Freezing, Zayn is hit with an overwhelming sense of deja vu, except there's an extra body on the couch.

"I've got it," Zayn says and gets up to comfort Ava. She's red-faced and snotty but she doesn't settle when he gathers her in his arms. "What's the matter? Did you have a bad dream?"

She nods, rubbing at her eyes with a chubby hand. "Want Li," she says between sobs.

"Oh, babe."

"Want _Li,_ _"_ she insists, a little louder, and he's forcibly reminded of the day almost exactly a year ago when another person left. The memory presses down on him, still raw in the wake of Liam's absence and Ava's cries.

"He's not here, babe," he breathes and lays down on the bed. Ava burrows into his stomach and buries her face in his chest. He's still in his jeans and his shirt's wet, but he doesn't care. Doesn't have any energy left from holding the two of them together to move. Ava cries herself to sleep and he follows not soon after.

 

Ava being pulled from his grasp wakes him up, but it's the hands at the fly of his trousers that shocks him into reality. For a split second he's terrified, bile rising in the back of his throat and heart kick-starting into third gear, but large hands just tug down his jeans and immediately recede.

It's Liam, half-naked and shadowed in darkness. He folds Zayn's jeans carefully and sets them on a chair before crawling onto the bed.

"Budge up a bit," he mutters to himself, shoving at him. Zayn lets himself be pliant and pushed into place because he can't deal with this boy right now. When he's far enough away, Liam lets out a happy sigh and stretches out beside Zayn, rolling into his heat.

He smells like a bar again, but it's almost overtaken by the fruity scent of perfume. It's overwhelming because it's so out of place, so cloying, so close. He can't _breathe_ with Liam in his bed. Can't breathe knowing that there was someone close enough to his boyfriend, his Liam, to leave her mark on him, no matter how intangible and insignificant a scent is. But he doesn't smell right and it makes him sick.

Plucking a jumper from the ground and an extra blanket from the wardrobe, he stumbles out into the living room and collapses on the sofa. Niall's not there, thankfully, so he stretches out to catch a little bit of fitful sleep alone.

Ten minutes after Zayn wakes to the morning sunrise, Liam rouses from his bedroom. He can tell the exact moment Liam notices he's awake, because his entire body goes tense. They look at each other, wary gazes where there should be sleep-softened smiles, biting lips when there should be kissing ones, tapping fingers where there should be gentle touches.

"Fun night?" Zayn asks, because he can't help himself. It's a horrible thing to say and he knows it, but the vindication is almost worth the hurt that twists on Liam's face. Almost.

"Yeah," Liam answers, sucking his bottom lip into his mouth and worrying it. "Why're you sleeping out here?"

"You smelled bloody awful."

"Sorry."

"You're not, though."

Liam drops his gaze. "I can't do this anymore."

He stands up, because this is not a conversation he should have on his back, and hates that he's not surprised. "Then don't."

"It's not you, I promise. It's me."

"Now, that's fucking bullshit. 'It's not you, it's your kid' is more accurate, innit?" Liam's silence is answer enough. Zayn's laugh is harsh. "Figured."

"I'm nineteen," he whispers.

"Don't make me go through this again."

"Then what should I do?"

There's a lot of things he wants Liam to do, but none he can say aloud. "Say your piece, but not that. Leave Ava out of this."

"I can't."

"Explain why you smelled like women's perfume, then."

"I can't." It's smaller this time.

"I think you should leave," Zayn says finally and Liam's eyes snap to meet his. He nods once, jerkily, and opens his mouth as if to say something new. At Zayn's glare, he closes it again.

"Bye, Zayn."

He doesn't watch him go. He's not sure if that's weakness or strength, but he folds his blankets with his back to Liam until the door clicks shut. And then, he very carefully puts one foot in front of another until he's standing at the foot of Louis' bed. And then, he curls himself in a ball and matches his breathing to Louis' so he doesn't forget how.

"Babe," Louis rumbles, voice ragged and sleep-rough, "what're you doing?"

"I think me and Liam just broke up," he whispers back and Louis blinks up at him for a moment.

"Oh, Zayn," he sighs and that's what breaks him, shreds his last strand of self control until he's crying silently. Louis snakes out an arm and pulls him in, stroking his hair and murmuring half-formed platitudes. Zayn cries until there's nothing left but numbness.

May is the shittiest month, he decides.

 

He allows himself three days to wallow in bone-weary sadness, indulging in rock music and cigarettes, before getting back to normal. Except, normal's changed since Liam and he can't help but feel a little bit unsteady.

Louis watches him because that's what Louis does. Harry hovers closer, always touching him in some way or another. Zayn breathes.

Day five finds Ava confused at the loss of two of her playmates.

"Where Li?" she asks all day. "Where Nil?"

"They're not here," he tells her and her bottom lip juts out.

"Where?"

"I don't know where they are. Maybe home."

"Baba," she whines and he winces.

"I know, babe. What about Louis? He's here."

"LouLou." He gives her a kiss on the forehead and congratulates himself on distracting her. She's still watery, though, and it doesn't bode well.

"A little bird wanted to see you," Zayn announces as he steps into the room, avoiding the piles of clothes strewn around the room. Louis glances up from his textbook and grins.

"There's my favourite girl," he croons, catching her as she tumbles from Zayn's grip.

"I'm going to tell Eleanor."

"Oh, she knows," assures Louis with a haughty sniff. "Ava takes priority." Ava squeals at her name and Louis imitates her back until she's quiet. He taps her on the nose smartly. "I'm louder than you are, sweetheart."

"LouLouLouLou."

"I'm beginning to regret teaching her your name," Zayn comments as Harry wanders in and settles himself in his lap.

"What a horrible thing to say," Louis says, rubbing noses with her.

"Harry, why're you on me?"

"Fancied a cuddle."

"What if I don't?"

"You need it," he insists. "You've been all sad and depressed lately."

" _You_ need it. And besides. I'm fine."

"I can hear your silent cries," Harry tells him, winding his arms around Zayn's middle. "They're yelling 'hug me, hug me! I'm sad!'"

"You're bloody strange," says Louis as he pretends to eat Ava's fingers. It comes out a little hard to understand.

"That's rich coming from the man pretending to feast on the digits of children."

Louis kicks him. "Don't be pretentious."

Zayn catches his foot and tickles the bottom. "Don't be petty," he says over Louis' shrieks. Ava fusses, disliking the movement, and Harry pulls her over to join him.

"First you've insulted me, now you've gone and stolen my child—"

" _My_ child, Louis."

"—what are you going to do next?"

Harry smirks as he snuggles Ava closer. "Burn your wardrobe, probably."

"The nerve. You'll be replacing my tea next."

"Already done that,' Harry says mildly and it earns him another kick from Louis' newly-freed foot. Ava's doesn't appreciate that.

"No, Lou!" she shrieks and hits Harry in the chin with a fist. Louis doubles over laughing at the expression on Harry's face and accepts the girl back on his lap.

"She's got a pretty decent undercut," Harry warns, rubbing at his jaw. "Maybe Liam can teach her…" he trails up and glances up at Zayn with worried eyes. "Shit."

"Swear jar," Zayn reminds absentmindedly, forcing a smile to his face. "Also, I'm not going to start weeping at the sound of his name, Harry. You can chill, like."

Unfortunately, Ava's overheard. "Li? Where Li? I want!"

"Shit," Harry says again and covers his mouth with a hand. Louis starts singing a silly song to distract her and it works, sort of, and she sniffles up at him.

"She'll forget soon," he says in between songs. Zayn doesn't think he's talking about the curse.

"I know," Zayn answers, and it's what scares him the most.

 

He pretends he doesn't recognise him standing in line. He pretends he doesn't notice the shaved head. He pretends he doesn't know what that means.

"Can you take over the register?" he asks his manager. She nods and gives him a funny look. "I'll get started on the latte just ordered."

He pretends he doesn't hear him order an espresso. He pretends he doesn't realise that he pronounced it properly. He pretends he doesn't notice him standing there.

"Espresso for Liam?" he announces, sliding it over the counter.

"I fucked up," is his reply. "I fucked up real bad."

He doesn't acknowledge him and finishes the next drink. "Cappuccino for Rachel?"

" _Zayn._ "

"I'm not really willing to talk to you.'

"Zayn, please." He sounds desperate and so he looks up. It's a mistake; Liam's eyes are teary and his hair is gone, fucking gone, and it's so bizarre to be on this end of the hurt again. "When are you off?"

"I've already taken my break."

"Please. Let me just— ten minutes, yeah? Give me ten minutes."

"No."

"I want to apologise."

"For what? Relationships end, Liam. It's a part of life."

"Yeah, but I didn't—" he cuts himself off and takes a deep breath. "Ten minutes."

"Liam."

"I can't just let it end like this."

"You should have thought of that before you walked out and didn't come back. I'm done with people leaving me."

Liam blanches and grips the counter, shaking his head wildly. "I didn't— I'm not like her, Zayn."

"You couldn't handle having responsibility so you abandoned us, just like Perrie did," he says flatly, pleased that his voice doesn't crack.

"Yeah, but I came _back._ "

Zayn looks at him for a minute and twists his mouth in a half-smile. "That's the worst part, isn't it? So did she."

"But—"

"And I didn't let her back in my life, just like I'm not going to let you. Ava needs someone who will stay, and you _left_ and I'm not willing to let it happen a third time."

"It won't."

"No."

"I love you," Liam says quietly, frantic and desperate and everything Zayn hates in that moment. "I didn't say it enough, I _know_ that."

"You didn't say it at all. Not really. But it didn't matter, after all."

"It absolutely matters. I _love_ you, Zayn, and you love me. I know you do."

"You lied to me and then you left."

"I didn't—"

"Please leave."

"Just—"

"I'm going to lose my job if you don't," he says as calmly as he can manage. Liam flinches at the edge in his tone. "And that's the last fucking thing I need so please, cut the bullshit, take your espresso and go."

He looks like he's going to cry and it almost makes Zayn want to change his mind. He remembers that night, oh so long ago, when everything was so new and the five of them were stumbling home drunk, when he slurred out the question of how to resist Liam and Louis told him not to look at the boy. So he turns away and refuses to lift his gaze from the coffee machine he's fidgeting with.

He hears Liam's sigh, a little watery, and looks up when his footsteps echo away.

"I'm sorry," he tells his manager and she gives him a sad look.

"It's okay. We weren't too busy. Boyfriend troubles?"

"No," he mutters and focuses on the cup in front him. "Not anymore."

 

Harry's sitting on the floor while Louis braids his hair when he gets back to the flat. Ava's next to Louis and she's turning the pages of a book, babbling along in her almost-speak.

"Hi, love," Louis calls as he toes off his shoes. "How are you today?"

"Liam visited at work."

"Shit."

"Shit," Harry echoes, and repeats it once more. "Ouch, Lou. You're pulling." Louis' fingers are white in Harry's curls and they both look in pain. Louis loosens his fingers carefully and continues his movements.

"What did he want?"

"To.. . get back… together."

Harry hisses as Louis pulls again and they both look up at him with concern.

"And?" prompts Harry.

"What do you think? I told him to leave."

"That's brutal, Zayn," Louis says and Harry smacks him on the leg.

"No, it's not. It's good."

Louis makes a small noise and ties off Harry's braid with one of Ava's tiny elastics. He pats him once and makes room for them on the couch. "Let's hear it then," he says as they both snuggle close on either side of him. Louis draws Ava onto his lap and Harry fiddles with Zayn's shirt.

"I don't think I can." He hides his face in Harry's shoulder. It's not nearly as nice as Liam's. They wait patiently for a minute while he collects himself. "He tried to tell me he's not like Perrie, even though he fucking abandoned—" his voice does crack this time and the boys make soothing sounds. Ava glances up at him, worried and eyes wide.

"Baba?" she asks quietly and it makes him cry harder. "No cry."

"I'm sorry, baby," he chokes out and cradles her face with a palm. Her brow wrinkles and she sticks a thumb in her mouth.

"Baba sad?" She turns Louis and he nods. She pats Zayn with a slobbery hand. "Love you."

"I love you too." Collapsing forward into his chest, he hugs her tight and takes a few deep breaths.

"We need a treat," Harry decides. "I think there's cake in the kitchen."

"Did you make it?" Louis asks, lifting his head to look at Harry who shakes his head.

"Bakery did."

"Good enough for me," he declares and jumps up to get it. Harry cards a hand through Ava's hair. She sniffs and reaches for a book from her pile, offering it to him. He takes it with a smile and drops it back. Zayn gets one too.

"She really likes to read," observes Zayn and Harry nods.

"Takes after her father. And not after her Uncle Louis," he says, raising his voice at the end so Louis will be sure to hear.

"Foul," Louis cries as he comes back in with half of a cake and three forks. "I read quite often, thank you very much."

"Comics don't count. Neither do the sport reports."

"I am studying drama. I _have_ to read often. Shakespeare and all that."

"School doesn't count," Zayn tells him and Louis tries to hold the plate out of the way so he can't get at it.

"Sure it does, or you've got no chance."

"Whatever, Tommo."

Louis seems to take this as a victory and he sticks a bite in his mouth, satisfied. Harry kicks at him until he passes over the cake and digs into it himself.

"Not as good as mine," he says, "but yum."

That gets Ava's attention and she points to the cake, getting her fingers covered in icing as she does. "Want."

"What do you say, babe?" Zayn tells her. She thinks for a moment and sticks her hand in her mouth.

"Please?" It's messy and too close to dinner, but fuck it. He's can hardly deny her anything at the moment, what with his present state and her large eyes. He hands her his fork and she happily takes a bite.

Their pre-dinner snack turns out to be their dinner, save for a few carrots Zayn feeds Ava so she'll get at least a little nutrition for the day. None of them feel particularly inclined to move until Ava falls asleep with cake-sticky hands and icing around her mouth. She's on Harry's lap so he puts her to bed, wiping her off with a wet hand cloth and leaving her in just a diaper to sleep.

"She'll catch her death of cold," Louis scolds and he rolls his eyes.

"It's May. It's warm outside."

"She's two."

His phone buzzes with a text and he tunes out their banter to check it.

_i miss you_

_**What the hell ?** _

_please let me explain_

_zayn_

_zayn please_

_don_ _'_ _t do this_

"Shit," he swears and it catches the boys' attention. "I hate him. I fucking hate him." Louis nicks his phone and glances at it. His face twists and he holds the phone up to his ear. "Louis, what are you doing?"

"Liam," he says into the phone, "it's Louis. Yes, he's with me. No. No, I can't let you do that, love." He glances at him out of the corner of his eye and his face tightens. "It's not good for either of you. You can't call anymore, okay? I know, I know. But you have to. Bye, Liam."

He pulls it away and types out something, lip caught in his teeth in concentration.

"Lou? What are you doing?"

"Blocking him. It's better like this, don't worry."

He exhales a shaky breath and scoots closer to Harry. "What did he want?"

Louis looks over at him for a long while. "He was drunk," he tell him finally.

"Oh," he whispers, looking down at his lap and winding his fingers together. Louis presses in next to him again and hums a little under his breath. Zayn can't breathe. He nudges the boys away and stands up, stalking into to the kitchen.

Rummaging through the cupboards and getting progressively more frustrated, he slams a door closed. "Why don't we have any fucking alcohol in this place?" he yells, remembering too late that there's a baby sleeping in the other room.

"Because it'll make you feel worse," Louis answers, leaning against the doorway when Zayn whirls around. "Besides. You don't want to let Ava see you like that."

"What I want is to be blackout drunk right now. Why do you not let me keep anything in this flat, Louis? Not even wine, fucking hell."

"What happens when you wake up tomorrow and Ava cries cause you're grouchy and smell horrible? Or if she wakes up in the night and you're too plastered to help her? Or worse, what if you've got a temper and you accidentally hurt her?" Zayn runs a hand through his hair.

"That wouldn't happen. I wouldn't let it."

"Not now," Louis argues, "but you're sober right now— _yes,_ I know it's shit—and you just… you don't want her scared of you, okay? Ever. It's better, yeah?" Louis' breath catches and Zayn's eyebrows shoot up at the expression on his face; he's determined and a little sad and a little too knowing.

"Louis…"

He waves his hand. "I'll tell you later, yeah? It's your night to mope, mine can be later. We can make a weekly thing."

Zayn lets a shaky laugh and Louis gathers him up, squeezing tightly. He slumps to put his head on Louis' shoulder and they hug for a while.

"I love you, bro," says Louis, quietly, and it twists something in his heart. He tugs him into the other room where Harry's staring at his own phone with an unpleasant expression. He wipes it clean when he looks up and pulls Zayn down again.

"You're still weepy."

"I'm still sober, as well."

Harry and Louis have a wordless conversation and Harry shrugs. "I could sing you to sleep instead."

"Just… don't leave."

"Never," Harry declares and Louis echoes him. Harry pulls out his notes and Louis his copy of _Macbeth_ and Zayn sits squished in between them, listening to Louis read aloud and doodling in Harry's notebook.

They sit like that until Louis' voice goes hoarse and Harry's hand cramps and Zayn can't feel his shoulders from being pressed against their bony ribs. Louis fades into silence and Harry fades into sleep and Zayn fades into melancholy.

"He told me he loved me," he whispers somewhere around midnight and Louis stills. "It's the first time he ever… out loud…"

"Out loud?"

He flushes a little at the memory. "We always, like, wrote it on each other instead. I don't know why, we just never _said_ it to each other. Until now."

"Fuck."

"Yeah."

"That's a shitty thing for him to do."

"Yeah."

"Fuck him."

"I want to," he says, nearly inaudibly and Louis presses a quick kiss to the top of his head. "I miss him, Louis. And not just to take the edge off or whatever, but like I properly miss him." Another kiss. "It hurt to see him today."

"I know, love. I know."

"Do you know everything?"

"Almost. I am the oldest, after all."

Zayn rolls his eyes. It hurts, almost, with how swollen and gummy they are. He needs some paracetemol and a lot of sleep. "And you don't let us forget it."

Louis chuckles and runs a hand through Zayn's hair. "You'll make it through, I think."

 

A week later, Louis stops him from coming into the apartment at the door, holding it mostly closed with one hand and standing in the gap.

"I need you to do something for me," he says, very quickly and a little cautiously. Zayn tilts his head. "I need you to go out with Harry. Get smashed and stay the night at his. Is that alright? I'll take care of Ava here."

"Why?"

Louis shakes his head and tightens his fingers on the door. Zayn catches a glimpse of heels on the floor and understands.

"Okay. Don't fuck when Ava's awake, please."

He blinks once, confused, and then grins. "No promises, mate."

"Disgusting." Louis waggles his eyebrows and Zayn feels vaguely nauseous. "Doubly disgusting."

"We'll be good, I promise." He shoves the half-full swear jar at him and pats his cheek. "Have fun. Get plastered. Don't do anything stupid that's also permanent."

"Thanks. Wear a condom, we don't need another baby in the house." Louis salutes him and shuts the door in his face. Zayn frowns at it, half-considering opening it again and taking his sweet time to get ready, but Louis would bitch at him for it.

He turns down the stairwell and walks the few blocks to Harry's flat. Louis must've texted him already because he's not surprised to see him there, just steps aside with a smile.

"Date night!" he crows when Zayn collapses on his bed and he sits up on his elbows to glare at him.

"Absolutely not."

"We're two lads going out! Of course it's a date night."

"Too bad I don't think about you in that way, Styles," he replies and falls back onto the pillows.

"Friendzoned again," Harry teases with a click of his tongue. "I'm always being turned down by you. It's starting to hurt my ego a little."

"Please," he says into the duvet, "boys with faces like mine don't date boys with asses like yours."

Harry stares at him for a minute, frowning slightly. "Did you just quote _She_ _'_ _s the Man_ at me? But like… reversed?"

"Might've."

"If you're going to quote that movie, why would you pick Monique's line? There are so many other—" he's interrupted by a pillow to the face.

"We are not arguing over this. Now get your too-skinny jeans on and let's go." Harry groans but he wiggles into his trousers anyway—Zayn _really_ doesn't know how he does it, honestly. They're practically painted on—and musses with his hair.

They wave at Harry's weird-as-fuck flatmate as they leave. He appears to be eating sandwich with mayonnaise and nothing else, but he's not curious enough to ask. Also, he's learned it's better to not initiate contact with Harry's flatmate.

"Can we get food first? I'm starved."

"As long as it's somewhere moderately greasy and not a vegan, organic, hipster place."

"Can we get hummus?"

"Ehh…" Harry pouts at him and he sighs, giving in. "Anyone who thinks you're sweet and innocent obviously has never been on the receiving side of your pout. Fine."

Harry cheers and drags him to a little place that gives them free lemonade and has admittedly wonderful falafel. It's the best non-date Zayn's ever had.

It's later, at the bar, when it starts going off. They're a bit early for anything to happen, but a little too tipsy to care. Harry idly checks his phone as they slouch in the booth.

"Is Niall at yours?"

"What?" Zayn asks, smiling up at the waiter. "I don't think so? Louis didn't say anything."

"Oh, okay." He frowns down at his phone and worries his lip.

"Harry."

He jolts a little and looks up, a guilty set to his expression. "It's nothing."

"Shit liar."

"Just a picture Niall posted. S'nothing, I promise."

He checks his Instagram anyway and takes in the picture of Niall in the familiar flat with Eleanor in the background and the profile of a very familiar face.

"Interesting," is all he says and then reaches for his cup. "Do you want another drink?"

"Yeah, sure."

Zayn deposits the mugs at the counter and slips outside for some fresh air. He's dialling Louis before he even realises.

"Hello?"

"Liam's at our flat?"

Zayn can hear laughter before footsteps and a closed door creates quiet. "Shit, Zayn. You weren't supposed to know that."

"Were you just going to lie about it, then?"

Louis pauses and lets out a long suffering sigh. "No, I was just hoping you wouldn't ask about it."

"Brilliant plan."

"I thought so. Are you mad?"

"No," Zayn sighs and roots in his jacket for a pack of cigarettes. "I just… don't like him around Ava. S'too confusing."

"He wasn't, don't worry. He came over after she was in bed. I promise. She has no idea." His voice softens and it's comforting, even over the phone. "I wasn't trying to go behind your back or anything. He needs a friend and I'm his too, Zayn."

"I know."

"Good. And um, talk to Harry. About Niall. I think there's something wrong but no one's saying what."

"Right."

"Love you, bro."

"Love you too."

"Even though you're upset, a little."

Zayn pulls a face even though Louis can't see. "Maybe a little."

"Knew it. I'm sorry, again."

"Bro, I've got to go or Harry'll think I've stood him up or summat. Enjoy your night, yeah? And don't…"

"I won't," Louis promises and Zayn doesn't know exactly what he's agreeing to, but Louis does and that's all that matters. "Bye!"

"Bye."

He orders two more pints at the bar and carry them over to the booth. Harry gives him a small smile when he sits down.

"I thought I was going to send out a search party. Figured one of your crazy fangirls kidnapped."

"I don't have fangirls," he tells him and pushes the pint across the table. Harry takes a sip and grimaces at the taste.

"It's too bad I'm too cheap for anything other than beer," he says sadly. "Maybe someone will buy something for me."

"You're going to use people to get free drinks?"

Harry grins at him, wild and wicked. "Shamelessly. What's the point in being this pretty if it doesn't get me anything?"

Zayn snorts and flicks foam at him. "You are the vainest person I've ever met."

"Excuse me, that's rich coming from _you._ "

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You check yourself out in every reflective surface you come across. Also you spend more time on your hair than Louis."

"Fair enough. We'll share the honour." Harry laughs and Zayn joins in. It feels like the first real laugh he's had in a while. He's almost sad for turning the moment serious. "What's going on with you, then?"

"Exams are coming up. Philosophy's going to be shit, but what can you do about that." Harry shrugs and flits his gaze over Zayn's head. "That's not what you meant, though, is it?"

"Nope."

Harry ducks his head and he looks like he's seventeen again, anxious about the world and new to it all. "We snogged and that was it."

"I knew that."

"Yeah, well. He's fucking awful at relationships. Nothing changed after we kissed."

"I thought that's what you wanted," he says gently and Harry continues etching lines in the wooden table.

"I did too. until we fucked."

"Oh."

"Yeah." He shudders and manages to completely shift, turning from the hesitant and sad boy to a mischievous one in a matter of seconds. "Enough about me. Let's do shots."

Harry's three shots in when Zayn notices the wild look in his eyes. They're bright, bright green and his cheeks are flushed from more than the alcohol.

"You okay?" he murmurs and Harry gives him a lazy grin.

"I want to get shagged tonight," he decides and Zayn's eyebrows fly up.

"You're going to leave me alone at your flat?"

"Shit," Harry says and stumbles a little. "Didn't think about that." He peers at the crowd that's formed for a moment and lights up. "Doesn't have to be at your flat. Doesn't have to be at anyone's flat, really."

Zayn groans and scrawls his number on Harry's arm. "Don't get arrested, okay? I don't have the money to bail you out."

"Yeah, okay. Come dance with me. I want to dance." He allows Harry to drag him out to where there's a group formed and allows himself to be uninhibited again.

Harry pushes him away after a while because "how am I supposed to pick up anyone when you're right next to me looking like a fucking Greek god?" He takes this as an excuse to slip back to the bar and just watch. He watches as Harry finds someone interesting and watches as Harry and the bloke drift off towards the bathroom. He watches as Harry leaves a half hour later, looking supremely satisfied with himself and more off balanced than usual.

He sways over and collapses in his lap, smiling up at him. "Heyyyyy."

"Hi, mate. You're drunk."

"Mhmmm," Harry giggles and brushes his fingertips across Zayn's cheekbones. He finishes his drink and nudges Harry up.

"C'mon. Let's go home. I'm drunk and you're very drunk and this is not going to end well," he says and is moderately impressed that he can say that all in one go. Harry nods and tugs at the sleeve of his shirt.

They make it home, somehow, and fall asleep partially clothed in Harry's too-small bed. The last thing Zayn thinks is that it's nice to have someone else breathing beside him again.

There's no trace of Liam when he gets home.

 

He sleeps with Louis more nights than not. His bed doesn't have the memories attached.

"Louis, what am I going to do?" he whispers one night. "We need another room. Ava's too big for her crib, nearly. She needs her own room."

"We'll get another flat."

"I don't have the money for another flat, Louis. I don't have money for three bedrooms and I don't have the money for a flat of my own. I guess I could sleep in the living room. That's not too bad."

"Talk to Harry," Louis advises.

"Oh, right. You want to move in with Eleanor, right? Yeah, I'll talk to Harry, of course."

"That's not…" Louis laughs once and knocks his knuckles against Zayn's head. "I mean yes, I want to live with El, but also Harry has enough money for three bedrooms."

Zayn looks at him blankly for a minute and shakes his head. "No."

"Zayn—"

"There's two of us and one of him and I won't let him pay more than his share."

"You _know_ he won't care."

"That makes it worse, somehow," he admits and Louis sighs. "Are you and El seriously considering it? Like, do I need to go flat hunting?"

"We haven't really talked about it. Just hinted."

"You'd like to, though."

"Of course. Not having you interrupt us every time I try to get in her pants would be a fucking dream."

Zayn rolls his eyes. "Not that it's stopped you before."

"Bit of a mood-killer, though. Even with your face."

"What is wrong with my face? Everyone seems to be commenting on it lately," he wonders.

"We're trying to cheer you up by appealing to your vanity," Louis tells him and cackles when Zayn doesn't manage to land a punch.

So Louis talks to Eleanor and Zayn talks to Harry.

"I'll pay for half," Harry tells him and Zayn crosses his arms.

"A third."

"Half."

"But we'll take up more than half the space. Plus it's different living with a child. You can't bring people home so much."

"I'll go to theirs then. And Ava's the part I'm most excited about. I promise."

"A third."

Harry smiles like he's already won, which is bullshit. The nerve. "Half."

 

Some days, he misses Liam so much he nearly chokes on it. Those are the days when he thinks about stealing Louis' phone to call him, or walking to his flat. He catches himself halfway out the door once, keys in hand and feet pointed towards his ex.

It's amazing that he hasn't seen him since. Really fucking amazing, and he's so thankful because the sight of Liam, hell even the _thought_ of him, is like a bruise. And it's not going away.

He sees Niall once or twice. He gets a hug and a slap on the back. Niall, bless him, acts like almost nothing's wrong.

 

"Why don't you keep alcohol in the flat, Louis?" he whispers one night. He won't sleep tonight, he knows that already. There are too many thoughts whirling around in his head, and he just wants them to go away.

Louis shifts beside him and rolls onto his side to look at him.

"My dad drank. Stepdad, I mean. My real dad did as well, but he fucked off when I was a baby. Twat."

"Yeah?"

Louis sighs. "Yeah. Mark wasn't an alcoholic, or anything like that, but sometimes he had too much to drink and I'd be awake when he came home." His voice gets smaller and Zayn goes still. "And I just remember being terrified when he did. He seemed so _big_ to me and so unlike himself and it was fucking terrifying."

"Did he—"

"No. He was a dick, but no, he didn't hit me. Or mum. Jesus. He just wasn't the person I knew and it scared me. I just don't want Ava to feel like that, you know? Ever."

"Okay." He reaches for Louis and pulls him into his side, because he's trembling and feels so _small_ for once. "You're pretty brave. I love you, bro."

Louis smiles into his shirt and hugs him back.

"I love you too."

 

Flats are expensive, even if he's only paying half. He picks up more hours at work, starts looking for another one as well, and finds a nursery that's open in the summer.

It's good, the work is good. He doesn't think very much, too busy during the day and too tired during the night to do anything more than stare at the telly. It had taken less than two days after exams were over for him to realise the worst thing would be to sit around doing nothing. He had too many things to think about. Working until he couldn't was better.

"Zayn," Louis says hesitantly, somewhere around the end of June, "are you alright?"

"Fine, why?"

"You look half-dead."

"That's a nice thing to say to someone."

"It's summer. You should be relaxing."

"I can't."

"It's not healthy."

"Fuck you," Zayn tells him and flips him off for good measure. Louis sighs, rubbing his shoulders.

"You haven't painted in _ages._ "

"I've been working." He feels himself relaxing under Louis' strong fingers. It feels really nice. He's been so tense.

"You need to relax," he repeats. "Or, at least do something besides make coffee and watch— what is this?"

"M'actually not really sure."

"Okay, well, do something besides sit on your arse all day. Be a productive member of society."

"I have a job and you don't."

Louis winces and his fingers tighten, making Zayn hiss. Kneading at the sore spot, he presses a kiss to Zayn's head. "Fair enough. But live a little, yeah?" He grunts his agreement and he can _feel_ Louis' smugness behind him.

"You're a little shit."

Louis hums and doesn't deny it. His hands are pretty magical though, so Zayn can't really be that upset.

"Zayn," he says after a pause, "is this about Liam? At least a little?"

He freezes and it probably undoes all the work Louis has done on his back.

"No."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Don't lie to me." When he stays silent, Louis taps him on the neck. "Fine. But find something to do. Cooking or needlework or some shit like that. I know you're sad but moping will just make you sadder."

"I'm not—"

"Yes, you are. S'normal, you just broke up with your boyfriend." Louis' arms come over the back of the sofa and wrap around him.

"You're hurting me," Zayn mumbles, shifting away from Louis' bony jaw pushing into his shoulder. "And you're not even sorry about it."

"Nope." He hugs tighter and Zayn gives in.

 

He takes up cooking, because he's tired of eating takeaway and noodles all the time. And because he figures Harry shouldn't have to make all the meals all the time. He gets pretty good at it, actually. Louis is impressed.

"Who knew you could make food like this!"

"It's amazing what you learn when you stop procrastinating on being an adult."

"You'll make a proper housewife one day," he teases around a mouthful of roast. Zayn leaves him to do the cleanup by himself.

 

"What is that?" Zayn demands, focused on the moving bulge under Harry's jacket. Harry grins and unzips it to let a kitten crawl out. "Hazza…"

"I found her wandering outside," he says with eyes shining. "She was meowing like crazy and I just couldn't leave her."

"We can't keep him, though."

"Her. And sure we can. Can she stay here until we've moved, though?"

"You rescued her, you have to take care of her."

"But my apartment isn't good for her. Steve's there and he's allergic. Plus… it's Steve. Please let her stay here!"

"Harry—"

"Zayn, we've both had to end relationships we kinda sorta maybe cared about recently. We need a little happiness and comfort in our lives and this kitty needs love. She's the sweetest thing, I _promise._ _"_

"I don't know…"

"Imagine how much Ava'll love her, yeah? She'll think it's amazing."

He rolls his eyes and watches as the cat licks daintily at a paw. "What are we going to name her?"

Harry's grin is immediate and full of mischief. "We could name her Pussy."

"That is a horrible name. We're not naming her that."

"You're no fun," he says, pouting. "It's a good name!"

"I'm a little worried about your inclination towards puns. It's affecting your life too much."

Harry wrinkles his nose. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"You have a butterfly tattooed on your stomach," he deadpans and ignores Harry's smirk. "What about Tiger?"

"Boring. That's so boring." He rubs the head of the kitten with a finger. "What about Diana?"

"Like the Princess?" He squints and flinches when she pounces on his hand.

"Well, no. Like the Roman goddess of the hunt. C'mon Zayner. You should know this. S'literature."

"It's history, not literature," he says wearily. It's an old argument for them.

"It's mythology, so— no, I'm not going to argue about this with you. It's either Pussy or Diana."

"Diana it is."

 

Ava loves the cat even more than Harry does. Diana is gentle with her, surprising Zayn, and allows all sorts of mischief from the two year old. Her poor tail gets pulled on a daily basis but Ava never has any scratches or bite marks.

"Told you so," Harry says smugly one evening.

"You're still an arse though."

"But I'm right."

He rolls his eyes and releases Diana from Ava's firm grasp. "Be gentle," he tells her and she nods earnestly, looking a lot like Liam with her solemn gaze. He pushes that thought away.

"Baba, hug?" He scoops her up and nuzzles into her neck. She puts her head on his shoulder, sticking her thumb in her mouth. "Love you."

"Love you too, sweetheart."

Louis glances up from his book to coo. "You're disgustingly domestic."

"And you're just jealous," Zayn shoots back and Louis throws a highlighter. Zayn throws it back and Louis gets up to tug at Ava.

"Baby, you want to come to Uncle Louis? I want a hug." She lets Zayn go almost instantly and falls backwards to be caught by Louis. "Do you like me more? Say yes!"

"Yes!" she shouts and he rewards her with a kiss on the forehead. Zayn elbows Harry in the ribs and they both frown.

"When did you become the least favourite uncle?"

"I don't know. It's distressing really."

"I buy her sweets, that's why," says Louis as he turns on some music. He spins Ava around and performs a complicated ballroom dance. At least, it looks complicated. It's probably not. Ava sings along to the music and curtseys when he lets her down.

"Did you teach her that?" he asks Louis curiously.

"Guilty," yawns Harry, raising his hand. At their pointed looks he shrugs and brushes a stray hair out of his eye. "She wanted to play princess one day and I figured I'd have some fun."

"Is that why your nails were painted the other day?"

Harry snorts. "No, that was Lux. Ava did put makeup on me though. I think El has a picture." There's a moment of silence while both Harry and Louis process what he's said, Harry's face going horrified as a wicked smile spreads over Louis'. The latter jumps up from the sofa to snatch his phone, just missing Harry's wild grab for his waist.

"Hey, lovely," he says into the phone, grinning triumphantly at Harry. "I heard you have incriminating photos of our dear Hazza here. What'll it cost for you to send them to me?" He listens for a moment and his expression morphs into one a little dirtier. Zayn cackles and ignores Ava's questioning look. "Yeah, I think that can be arranged."

"Eleanor Calder, if you've sold my dignity for a sexual favour, then I shall be very upset," Harry shouts and Louis laughs at Eleanor's reply.

"I love you, darling." he tells her, turning to Harry. "She says your dignity is worth two at least, but not much more."

Harry slouches down on the sofa, pouting, and doesn't smile until Ava pokes him in the cheek.

"You're my only friend," he says to her mournfully and winces when she almost gets his eye.

 

Their lease runs out at the end of June. Eleanor moves in July 3rd and Zayn moves out July 5th. Their new flat is close, two streets over, but Louis still grumbles about the distance. He helps them move all their shit and sniffs when Harry very deliberately puts a box of herbal tea in the middle of the counter.

"I've switched it all out for Yorkshire," Louis tells Zayn when Harry's in the other room. "Serves him right, too. Fucking camomile, honestly."

Zayn pokes him in the side and laughs as he thinks about Harry's face when he finds out. "Isn't it time to give that up, Tommo? We know you're not _that_ bothered."

Louis glares. "It's the principle of it all."

 

Zayn nearly cries the first time he has to put Ava to sleep in her new, big girl bed in her own room. Ava is excited, babbling away about the _Frozen_ poster he hung in her room and admiring her new sheets. Zayn listens, too choked up to say anything, and kisses her forehead.

"Night night, sweetheart," he says and she blows him a kiss back. He goes out in the lounge and lays with his head in Harry's lap, begging for a cuddle.

"How is she so big?" he wonders. "She'll be off to uni soon and oh god I can't deal with that."

"Zayn, she's two. You've got a long way to go yet. Stop fretting."

"Yeah, okay."

"I mean it," he says, flicking his forehead. "You're going to get lines from worrying and then how are you going to charm yourself out of trouble?"

"You're mixing me up with Louis. He's the one that gets me into trouble."

"That's bullshit and you know it."

 

It's Harry's idea to have a tea party to celebrate. He invites Lux and Brooklyn to play with Ava. The three girls come dressed up, accompanied by their stuffed animals, and chatter as they sip their lukewarm tea. The boys sit in the lounge until they are demanded to join. Lux, the oldest and bossiest, makes them put hats on when they sit, so Harry goes off in search of his.

"The things I do for your child," Louis grumbles and Zayn rolls his eyes.

"Like you mind. You're practically bouncing with excitement."

"I miss my sisters. S'all," he retorts and accepts a biscuit from Brooklyn with a smile.

"You're a softie," Harry sings as he jams a straw hat on Louis' head. He hands another to Zayn, a fedora already settled over his curls. "Don't deny it." Louis smacks him in the dick as he sits and Harry bites back a curse.

"No!" Lux tells Louis, shaking her finger at him. "We don't hit."

"You're right. I'm sorry."

"Kiss it better," Brooklyn insists and Zayn bursts into laughter. Harry quirks an eyebrow at him and smirks.

"I'm not going to do that," Louis says, only slightly red, "but I will give him a hug. Is that okay?"

Brooklyn nods, satisfied.

"You don't want to kiss my ouchie?" Harry whines, eyes widened to look innocent. "Don't you love me?"

This time, Louis waits until the girls aren't looking before punching him. Harry squeaks and glares at him.

"Serves you right," he says and slaps hands with Zayn. Ava, tired of sitting in a chair, clambers into his lap.

"Canna ha' more?" she asks, holding up her cup. He pours some from the teapot and she settles back to drink it. "Hot."

"Blow on it, babe." He kisses her cheek when she does and it knocks the hat askew. "Hazza, why do you even have this many hats?"

"It's part of my fashion statement."

"Is your statement 'pretentious hipster'?" Louis wonders, smirking at him over the top of his mug. Harry purses his lips.

"It's better than your sleep deprived look."

"What's wrong with my clothes?"

"Louis," Harry says patiently, "you're wearing a t-shirt you've had on since Wednesday."

"So?"

"It's Friday. Plus you've got a large stain down the front."

"Hm," he says, staring down at it. "At least I'm authentic."

"You're ridiculous, actually," Zayn corrects. "I don't know how Eleanor puts up with it. She's a saint or summat."

Louis' lips tug up into a fond smile. "Yeah, she is, isn't she?"

Harry and Zayn let out a groan, startling the three girls. "We clearly didn't think this through, Hazza."

"I know," Harry says with a shudder. "He was insufferable when they were just dating. Now that they're living together, I don't know how we're going to stand it."

"You two can kindly fuck off," Louis says, lowering his voice at the last two words. "And leave me to enjoy my domestic bliss in peace."

Harry and Zayn look at each other. "Six months until he proposes," Zayn decides and Harry nods. Louis scowls at them both.

"We're not—"

"I'll take that bet," Harry says loudly and licks Zayn's cheek.

"What the hell was that?"

"Sealed with a kiss. Except I didn't feel like kissing you, so that's the next best thing."

"That's gross, Uncle Harry!" Lux shouts and Zayn nods his approval. Harry makes a face at her and growls.

"I'm coming for you next," he tells her and she shrieks. It all descends into madness from there. The three girls scatter and Harry chases them around the flat, smothering them in kisses when he catches one or the other.

"He's a special one," Zayn mutters to Louis as he watches Harry attempt to curl behind a chair that's much too small to hide him. "He's literally a five year old."

"It's why they love him," Louis answers with a snigger. Zayn scoops up Diana from the floor to keep her out of harm's way and Louis reaches over to scratch under her chin. "That, and he makes them cookies and such. Cheater."

"You buy them ice cream, so I don't think you should be talking."

This catches Lux's attention. "Ice cream?" she asks, skidding to a stop in front of them. "Can I have ice cream?"

Ava and Brooklyn overhear and there's no going back now.

 

"This is a little weird," Zayn says, standing where his old room used to be. El and Lou have turned it into a study of some sort. There's a twin bed shoved up in the corner and a desk on the other side. "I like it, though."

"Thanks!" Eleanor says, wrapping her arm around his waist He presses a little kiss to her hair. "I know, it's strange. I keep expecting you to walk out in the mornings, half-awake and pissed off."

"Really? I thank my lucky stars every time he doesn't," Louis supplies. "I quite enjoy not waking up to your ugly mug every morning."

"I am quite the improvement," Eleanor teases and Zayn pushes her gently away. "I'm only joking, you're very pretty, Zayn." She pats him on the cheek and he scowls.

"My ego is not that small, thank you very much. I know I'm fit, even when Louis tells me otherwise. Obviously it's jealousy."

"Obviously," El says with a solemn gaze.

"Or it's just you being vain," Louis sings and he pecks Ava on the nose when she giggles. "Hi there, love."

"LouLou," she trills, "I'm hungry."

"Let's go find you a snack, then."

Zayn catches Eleanor's soft look trailing after her boyfriend as they leave the room. "Aww, I saw that." She blushes. "He's really sweet when he wants to be, isn't he?"

"When he wants to be," she allows, smiling. "He's a menace when he doesn't."

"You like him, though, despite that."

She shakes her head. "I like his mischievous side too. It's Louis."

"You really love him, don't you?" he says, smiling himself at the joy that's radiating from her. It would be a little gross if it wasn't so cute.

"I do," and her dancing eyes say everything.

He kisses the top of her head again. "He loves you too. It's a little nauseating, really, how much he loves you."

"Oh, I know. I tell him off for it all the time." He laughs and follows her out into the lounge where Ava and Louis are munching on carrot sticks.

"Took you long enough," Louis complains.

"We were having a chat," says Eleanor. Louis straightens and looks at them curiously.

"Were you chatting about me?"

"Not everything we do is about you, Louis," she says and ducks the carrot he throws at her. She throws it back.

"Rubbish," he declares as a knock on the door sounds. Zayn goes to get it, because Eleanor is currently being tugged onto Louis' lap. He's laughing as he opens the door but it soon dies.

"Liam?" he asks, gaping. Liam starts and goes a little pale.

"Zayn?"

"What are you doing here?"

Liam runs his hands through his hair. It's longer now, Zayn notices absently. "I didn't know you were going to be here, I swear. Louis invited me."

He nods at Louis and Zayn turns to stare. There's confusion and horror on Louis' face, and he can almost see the thoughts going through his head.

"I fucked up," Louis breathes finally, pinching the bridge of his nose. "I thought you were supposed to come over next week, Liam."

Eleanor clicks her tongue and slides off his lap. "This is why you always check the calendar, love."

"I'm sorry," Liam says, biting his lip. "I'll just go, I can come back later."

"No, no. It's okay," Zayn tells him hesitantly. "I have, um, something tonight. We'll just go then." He steps away from the door and towards his daughter, who was too caught up in her food to notice Liam. Thankfully. He prays she'll stay distracted. "Time to go, Ava."

"No," she says. "Wanna stay."

"We have to go."

"Wanna stay," she repeats and curls her fingers into Louis' shirt.

"You can see Uncle Lou and Aunt Eleanor tomorrow, okay? We'll come and play, but for now can you say bye bye?" He stares her down until she pouts and slides off the sofa.

"Bye bye, LouLou. Bye bye 'Nor." He nudges her in the direction of the pile of shoes and she goes to pick hers out.

"She's so big," Liam says softly, wonderingly. Ava hears and glances up, her entire face lighting up when she sees him. Zayn's heart falls. This is exactly what she didn't want to happen.

"Li!" she yells and abandons her shoes to run to him. Liam shoots him a half-panicked, half-apologetic look as he picks her up.

"Hey, baby," he says and she hugs him around the neck. "How have you been?"

Louis comes up beside Zayn and puts a comforting hand on his shoulder. He leans into the comfort.

"Ava," he says, rather weakly, "we need to go."

"Lee?"

"No, baby. Liam's not coming with us."

To his despair, her lip pushes out and her eyes get big. Zayn winces and goes over to take her away.

"I'm sorry," Liam whispers as she starts to cry. "I didn't mean—"

Zayn shakes his head and picks her shoes up from the ground. "Goodbye, everyone."

Louis and Eleanor chorus a goodbye and Liam raises his hand halfheartedly as they walk out the door. Ava sobs when they get into the hallway like her heart is breaking, and Zayn can't blame her. He runs a hand down her back and tries to calm her down.

He wishes he could cry too.

 

He has the next day off from work. His manager had insisted after he had worked four shifts in a row. Harry takes Ava to nursery so he can have a lie in and it's nice. Restful. Thoughtful.

He can't get Liam out of his head and seeing him yesterday just made it worse. He's tired, so tired.

So when he pulls open the door to see Liam standing there for the second time in as many days, he just sighs.

"Please," Liam breathes, "just hear me out."

"How do you know where we live?"

"Niall."

Fucking—

"Who's here?" Harry asks, wandering past. Zayn sighs and steps aside so Harry can see Liam.

"Harry, why does Niall know our address?"

"Um," Harry says with his eyes wide and a blush high on his cheeks. "We might be chatting again."

"Chatting, or fucking?"

"Um."

Zayn heaves another sigh and motions to Liam. "You might as well come in." Liam does, with tentative steps, and stands in the living room looking awkward.

"This was a bad idea," he says, wringing his hands a little. Harry looks between them and bites his lip.

"I'm going to go to Lou's," he announces. "You guys… do… whatever. Text me when you want, Zayn."

He leaves and it's just him and Liam for the first time in months. He can't think of a single word to say and Liam seems content to stand in the awkward silence.

"Tea?" he blurts out just as Liam starts to say something. He chuckles, cringing at the sound, and waves his hand. "Go ahead."

"No, you first."

"Oh. I just. Um. Uh. Tea?"

Liam rubs his neck with a hand and nods. "That would be lovely. Thank you." He follows Zayn into the kitchen and watches him as he switches on the kettle.

"What were you going to say?"

"I've missed you. A lot." He glances down and fidgets with the edge of his shirt. "And it's my fault, and I'm sorry. I don't know if I said that before, but I am. I'm truly and completely sorry."

"Okay."

"I panicked. Everything was going so fast, all of a sudden, and I couldn't deal with it. It's not an excuse, I know that, but I need you to understand why."

"So you left."

He looks up at that, a wry smile twisting his mouth. "S'what I do when I get overwhelmed. I go off and I cool down a bit, but I didn't do that this time. I just gave up instead, and that was so very wrong of me. I gave up the two best things that ever happened because I was a fucking coward."

"What do you want from me?" Zayn asks carefully, crossing his arms and staring at him.

Liam takes a deep breath and shifts his weight. "I want you to forgive me." He peeks up at him, lip caught between his teeth again. "And I really, really want to try again, if you're willing."

"You want me to give you another chance."

"Yeah."

"After the shit you pulled."

Liam winces, rubbing his eyes with the palm of his hand. "Yeah."

"I can't have people walking in and out of my life, for my daughter's sake. She's been asking for you, do you know that? Since last night. Can you handle that? It's not just me, it's being there for her too."

"I can handle it."

"You couldn't before."

"I wasn't certain before. I'm certain now."

Zayn looks at him and Liam looks back, confident and steady. But he had been confident and steady before, when life was good, and that had fallen through. "No. I can't do that again."

"You don't understand—"

"No, _you_ don't understand!" he shouts, curling his hands into fists. Liam takes a step back. "I can't trust you, don't you see? Because I did and you screwed me over, and apologising doesn't fix that. So no. I can't take you back because I'm terrified you'll leave again."

"Zayn, you're my _home,_ " Liam says, a little brokenly. "And I don't know if it's because I'm fucking dependent, but I'm better when I'm with you. _You_ make me a better person. And I know you don't trust me, but I'm asking to try and win that back, if I can."

"I can't trust you with Ava's life, though."

"I love Ava like she's my own daughter. It hurt so badly to be apart from her. When you left yesterday, it took everything in me not to go and stop her from crying. Hell, I cried. I broke down in the middle of Louis' fucking flat because I couldn't handle hearing her cry and knowing it was her fault. I fucked it up before, but I promise. I won't do it again."

"Liam…"

"I'm here to stay, Zayn, if you'll have me. I love you and I love Ava and I won't leave. I don't think I can."

Zayn drops his face into his hands and rubs at his temples, feeling so torn. Everything in his body wants to step forward and press his lips to Liam's, invite him back in again and be at home. Because as much as Zayn is Liam's home, Liam is his home too and it feels _right_ to be together again.

But his mind is screaming at him and reminding him of all the ways Liam fucked him over and all the pain that came with it and _he_ _'_ _s so fucking confused._

"Why'd you lie to me though?" he finally says in a near-whisper. "You snuck out at night and came back smelling like people and bars and I just want to know why."

Liam sighs. "Another huge mistake to add to the list," he says weakly. "I can't tell you." Zayn's face must give away some of his shock because Liam's quick to backtrack. "You wouldn't believe me, I promise. But I can show you."

"I can't go out tonight, Liam."

"Not tonight," he agrees. "It'll be a while, actually. But I will. I promise."

"You're making a lot of promises."

He shrugs. "I broke a lot of them too. I'm trying to make it right."

Zayn runs a hand through his hair and turns to the long-heated kettle. Liam's quiet as he goes through the motions of making tea for want of something to do. He slides the mug over the counter and their fingers brush as Liam takes it.

It's not fireworks or tingling or anything cliche from stories, but it's familiar and he's _missed_ this.

"Okay."

 

Liam slips right back into their lives, but it's different. Zayn's wary of him and Liam's wary of his wariness, and it's not as easy as it was the first time.

The boys accept him after Zayn's explained and assured them it's alright, and Niall comes back after Harry's assured them, and it's the five of them once again.

"It's nice to have the family back together," Louis says the first Saturday they spend together, back in Louis' flat like old times.

"I missed you lot," Niall agrees, rubbing his knuckles on Zayn's head. Zayn cuddles closer to Niall and let's Liam tangle their fingers together. "Fucking wankers, all of you, but I missed you."

"Excuse you, Niall," Harry says airily, "You did your share of being a wanker these past months so I don't really think you should be talking."

"You. You were the worst," he argues, but he licks a stripe up Harry's cheek so he knows it's not meant to be mean. Harry looks smug. Zayn's not sure if one should look that smug after being licked, but they are strange people.

"You're strange," he says aloud and Harry and Niall pull faces at him. Liam chuckles, low and long, next to him.

"Next time you all are fighting," Louis announces, "I refuse to be in the middle. I hate being in the centre."

"Unless you're the centre of attention, right?" Liam asks and Louis grins.

"You know me so well, Payno."

"Unfortunately."

"I resent that. I make your life better."

"I do believe that's me, actually," Zayn whispers so just Liam hears. Liam turns a blinding smile on him and squeezes his hand.

 

Harry tries his best to avoid them, but Louis and Zayn corner him one evening. Zayn sets a cup of tea down in front of him will Louis drops in his lap.

"So, Hazza," Louis starts, positively purring, "you and Niall. Do tell."

"Tell what? There's nothing to tell. Get off me, Louis."

Louis and Zayn exchange a glance.

"Shan't," sings Louis, flicking Harry's nose.

"You're terrible at lying, Harry," Zayn says with a sigh. "We've told you this before, why do you keep doing it?"

"Practice," Harry tells him, squirming under Louis. "Bloody hell, you're heavy."

"The faster you talk the faster I'll get up. When did you start shagging our dear Irish again?"

Harry attempts one last escape and fails, slumping into the sofa. "Two weeks ago. We finally got our shit together and talked like proper adults."

"And?" prompts Zayn.

"It was a whole bunch of miscommunication, alright? He thought I didn't want it to be exclusive, like a one-off thing—well, two-off, since it was two separate occasions, anyway—and I don't like talking about my issues, and we just miscommunicated. But we're okay now. We've talked about it."

"Are you sure about this?"

Harry shrugs. "I mean, is anyone ever sure when they when they start a relationship?"

"Ooh, are you boyfriends now?" Louis asks, wriggling in excitement. Harry winces and tries to shove him off.

"We don't do labels, Lou. Now get off, you bony arse."

"My arse is perfect, thank you very much," Louis says with a dignified sniff as he rolls off him. Zayn laughs and hugs Harry, pecking him on the cheek.

"Be careful, okay? No broken hearts this time."

"I could say the same to you," he retorts and Zayn winces.

"Fair enough."

 

Liam earns back his trust in little ways, day by day.

"I don't want him to feel worried," Zayn overhears him tell Louis when he asks why Liam won't be in a room alone with Ava. "And I don't mind, really."

He's sweet and gentle and careful, even more than before. And Zayn is falling again.

 

There's an ominous silence the second before Ava screams. Liam, Harry and Zayn all look up and get out of their seats to find the problem. Liam gets there first.

"What's the matter, baby?" he asks quietly, kneeling on the ground next to her. She sniffles and points to her knee.

"Hurts," she says in a watery voice.

"Did you fall?"

"Uh huh."

"Can I kiss it better?" She bends her knee so it's closer to him and he pecks it gently. "There. Does it still hurt?"

"A little," she mumbles and he gathers her up in his arms, shushing her and pressing a kiss to her head. He glances up, sees Zayn and Harry in the doorway and freezes.

"Um, is this okay?" he asks Zayn, flushing. "I wasn't thinking… I forgot you didn't want me around her."

He goes to set her down but she refuses to let him, hanging off his neck like a koala. Liam looks at him helplessly.

"I'm sorry."

Zayn shakes his head. "Don't be. I don't mind."

Liam stares at him for a moment before he grins, eyes crinkling and positively beaming. Zayn's a little bit in love with that smile. He doesn't say it out loud. Now's not the time.

But maybe later.

 

"Hey," Liam says, one Friday night. "I have something to show you."

"I have work tomorrow," he answers with a frown. Liam sighs and shakes his head.

"It can't wait. I'm not trying to pressure you or anything, but it's either tonight or not for a while."

"Okay."

Liam smiles. "Sick. I'll come pick you up at ten, yeah? You don't have to stay for long, just half an hour. I promise, that'll be enough."

"Um, where are we going? Like, how should I dress?"

"Dress to go clubbing. We're not, but dress like it." He leans in like he's about the give Zayn a kiss and then remembers, startling back.

"See you then?" Zayn offers and Liam nods gratefully.

"Ten o'clock."

He enlists Harry's help in getting ready, because Harry dresses like he's about to go clubbing all the time, and picks the opposite of whatever he throws at him.

"You wanted my help!"

"I refuse to wear a sheer shirt," he retorts, waving the article of clothing in the air. "That's just not happening."

"Fine. Wear your tight jeans, at least."

"Whatever," Zayn grumbles but he puts on the skinniest trousers he has and it earns Harry's nod of approval.

"Liam's going to have a hard time tonight," Harry says with a smirk, evaluating him once he's ready. "You look very fuckable."

Zayn rolls his eyes. "Thank you, Harry Styles, for your input."

"Anytime, love," he says, putting his hands together and giving Zayn a mocking bow. Zayn rolls his eyes again and hits him with a pillow.

"Prat."

"A prat who is helping you get shagged tonight. You should be thanking me."

"There will be no shagging, Harry," he says calmly. "We're not going to do that."

"He'll take one look at you—"

"You can shut up now, Harry."

Harry's still smirking when Zayn leaves, making Ava wave goodbye and promising that she'll go to bed immediately. "Have fun!"

"Good _bye,_ _"_ Zayn calls over his shoulder and ushers Liam out before Harry can make any less than tasteful comments.

Liam smiles softly at him, but there's hesitancy in it.

"Are you nervous?"

"A little," admits Liam and chews on his lip. "I'm just worried you'll get upset with me."

"Erm, you're not a stripper or something? I mean, that's okay if you are. I just would need a minute to get over my shock."

Liam laughs and some of the tenseness in his shoulders fades away. "No, I'm not. I promise. We're going to a regular club, not a strip club."

"Okay, good."

Liam drags him to a decent-sized building and speaks to the bouncer in a low voice. They're waved inside after a moment, to the shock of everyone but Liam.

"Are you like a regular?"

"Something like that," is all he says and leads him to the bar. The room is crowded already, despite being before midnight, and the people next to them are well on their way to being smashed. Zayn orders a Cola; he's not planning to get drunk tonight. Liam does the same, and they sit there for a while until Zayn gets antsy.

"Liam, what are we doing?"

He checks his watch and grimaces. "You'll see in a moment. I'll be right back, okay? You can leave whenever, but just… wait half an hour."

"Okay," Zayn says a little dubiously and Liam slides out of his seat, disappearing quickly into the crowd. The bartender gives him a sympathetic look.

"Stood you up, did he?" he asks and Zayn blinks.

"I don't think so?" The bartender slides him a free soda anyway and he takes it without complaint.

The club is really starting to get packed now, and there's a nervous energy that's different from the usual kind.

"What's going on?" he wonders, glancing around at the restless crowd.

"They're excited for DJ Payno," the bartender tells him and Zayn's not sure he's heard right.

"DJ Payno?" he repeats and the bartender nods.

"Yeah, he's rather new but they love him anyway. Really sick, too. Great DJ."

Zayn orders whiskey in his Coke this time.

The crowd gets more hyped as it hits ten thirty and start to chant. It reaches defining levels before the DJ runs out.

It's Liam and Zayn is honestly, completely, totally speechless.

"Helloooooo _Illusion!_ " Liam bellows as he puts on a pair of massive headphones. "Let's dance!" The crowd shouts back excitedly and the first beats of music filter through the room.

Zayn doesn't know much about DJs but he does know the bartender isn't wrong— Liam is _good._ He blends the tracks seamlessly and Zayn's mouth just falls open wider as he listens. Eventually, he gets up and pays his tab, slipping out the door.

He's sitting on the sofa when Liam comes in around eight. They stare at each other for a second before Liam toes off his shoes and perches beside him.

"I thought you had work."

"I called in and asked to take day off."

"Why?"

"We needed to talk," he says simply and Liam cocks his head to the side.

"It couldn't wait?"

Zayn shrugs. "Also, I couldn't sleep last night. Not well, at least."

"What do you want to talk about then?" Liam asks, chewing on his lip. It's a formality, really. He already knows.

"When did you start a career as a DJ?"

Liam tugs at a loose strand on the sofa. "Do you remember that day we argued? The worst one, when I bl—"

"Blew me in the coffee shop, yeah I remember. I'm lucky I still have that job, actually." They both grin before remembering that they're supposed to be having a serious discussion.

"I started thinking about it then, and auditioned for a gig before I went to see you."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I was embarrassed," Liam says, ducking his head. "And I didn't want anyone to know in case, like, it didn't work out. And then I didn't think anyone would believe me, because I'm obviously DJ material." He gives a self-deprecating laugh and it makes Zayn's stomach twist a little. He reaches out and holds Liam's hand, thumb brushing over his knuckles.

"You were amazing, babe."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Like phenomenal. You could make a proper living out of it, if you wanted. Or out of something related to it."

Liam rolls his eyes and Zayn tugs on his hand. "I mean it. The crowd was _buzzing_ before you came on. They loved it."

"If you say so."

"I do," he tells him firmly. "And I'll support you. Louis's always teasing me about being a housewife. I'll do it. Take care of the kids n'all."

Liam stills. "Is that a promise?"

"I guess."

"Can I kiss you?" he whispers and Zayn nods, leaning in.

This kiss is so different from their first, so different from the last. It's chaste and soft and gentle and achingly sweet. Liam's hands tangle in Zayn's too long hair and his slide across Liam's back, landing on his waist.

It tastes a lot like coming home.

 

Their second kiss is more wild. Their third is more desperate.

"Ah, fuck," Liam says when Zayn's teeth scratch against his pulse point. " _Fuck._ _"_

"Mmm, not yet," he hums, pushing up Liam's shirt and mouthing at the skin revealed. "But maybe."

Liam moans again and his fingers look for purchase against the fabric of the couch. They flutter until they land on his shoulders, digging in. Zayn kisses his chest, right over his heart, in retaliation.

"Hey are you guys—oh god," Harry says, bursting into the room. He shrieks when he realises what's happening. "Oh god, I'm just going to go. I'll be back in an hour to burn that couch. Shit, bye."

Zayn lifts his head briefly to call out, "Maybe two, Hazza," and then goes back to marking Liam's skin. Harry retches as he leaves the apartment with a bang of the door.

"Drama queen," he mutters, moving back up to Liam's neglected mouth. His hips roll down at the same time Liam's roll up and he sees sparks, breaking away to breathe.

"I missed this," says Liam, nipping at his jaw. Zayn laughs and rolls his hips again, and Liam's breath hitches.

"You know, I never did thank you for that time in the coffee shop."

"Yeah?"

"Nope," he says, sitting up so he can pull down Liam's trousers. "Think I should return the favour?"

"Might be nice."

Zayn chuckles again and presses down on the front of Liam's pants. Liam hisses and bucks his hips up.

"Impatient."

"No, you're just a bloody tease," complains Liam and hisses at another press of Zayn's hand. "Zayn, what do I have to say to get you to put your mouth—"

"Alright, alright," he says and tugs Liam's pants down to his knees, pausing long enough to suck a mark on his hipbone.

"You're amazing," Liam says in a cross between a whine and a sigh.

"So I've been told."

 

Their first family dinner, post-May, is at Harry and Zayn's. Louis argues passionately for his flat, citing tradition as his main argument, but is easily shot down by Zayn.

"We have Ava to think about. The babysitter's going to be here to watch her so we can go out tonight."

"Fine," Louis growled after a little more persuasion.

"You can still bring Eleanor," Liam called, hooking his chin over Zayn's shoulder. This mollifies Louis and he nods.

"Harry and Zayn's it is, then."

Harry declares the kitchen his domain again, and kicks Zayn out.

"I'm not having you upstage me today, Zayner. Maybe next time. So get out of my kitchen."

"What about me?" Niall asks from the counter, with feet swinging. "Can I stay?"

"As long as you promise not to sneak any of the ingredients, then yes."

"It's pizza night. I can't make any promises."

"I'll throw a kiss or two into the mix," Harry tells him and Niall raises his eyebrows.

"I'll be on me best behaviour." He even crosses his heart, grinning all the while. Harry gives Zayn a meaningful look and pushes him out.

"I've been sexiled," he declares as he sits on Liam's lap, "from the place where our food is being made."

"If they get it on in the kitchen, I will personally castrate both of them," Louis says loftily and Eleanor pulls a face.

"Charming," she says and he pats her hip.

"I do try." They smile at each other and Zayn and Liam make vomiting noises from their side of the couch. "Oi, lads. You really shouldn't be talking right now. Harry told me what happened to the sofa—OW!"

"You're a bit of a dick, darling," Eleanor says as she snatches Louis' hands so he can't pinch Liam back. He glares at her for a moment but it settles when she entwines their fingers. He brings their hands up to kiss the back of hers.

"Just a bit?" Zayn asks innocently and uses Liam's rather massive arm as a shield.

"All these couples. Fucking disgusting. PDA everywhere. We're going to end up on some reality show or summat."

"You'd watch the hell out of it though," Zayn says and pinches his side. When Louis gives him an affronted look he tilts his head in Ava's direction. "Just because she's playing doesn't mean she isn't listening."

"I can't wait until she's sixteen and swearing is the least of our worries," Louis complains. "Although, with Liam around, I don't think any boy will get very close to her."

"Or girl," El reminds him and he pecks her on the cheek.

"Or girl."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Liam says, frowning at Louis.

"You're rather intimidating at first glance," Zayn tells him, patting his arm. "But don't worry. We all know that's not true. You're a puppy, really."

Liam sticks out his lip at that and Zayn resists the urge to bite it.

"Really not helping your case there, mate."

"It's the eyes," agrees Eleanor.

"And just the general look."

Liam mouths a _fuck you_ and pulls Zayn closer to him, nuzzling his head into his neck. Ava runs over.

"Baba, I hungry."

"I know babe, me too," he tells her and her face falls.

"Why don't you go ask your Uncle Harry how long in the kitchen," Louis suggests with a wicked grin. Ava lights up and heads for the door.

"Incoming child," Liam calls and Zayn hopes it gives Niall and Harry long enough to be decent. There's a yelp a second after Ava walks in and Niall comes out, looking flushed.

"You weren't talking about Louis."

Louis quirks an eyebrow. "That's actually very offensive, Niall."

"He's sensitive about his height," Liam says conspiratorially in a mock-whisper. Louis reaches over to punch him in the shoulder.

"Are you quite finished, Liam?" he says just as Harry yells.

"Come decorate your pizzas if you want to!"

Louis jumps up and drags Eleanor in. Liam pushes at Zayn until he slides off and follows.

"I am surrounded by children," Zayn says to an empty room.

 

"So, Payno," says Louis as Liam leads them down the street. "Where're we going?"

"It's a surprise," Zayn tells him at the same time Liam says "Club _Illusion_."

"Ooh," Niall says, waggling his eyebrows. "Sounds kinky."

"Not that kind of club, Nialler,"

"Liam, you never take us anywhere fun."

"Oh, this'll be fun," says Zayn under his breath and Liam shoots him a small smile. They're waved in almost immediately by the bouncer, which makes Niall's eyebrows raise, and head straight for the bar. Niall strikes up a conversation with the bartender, who happened to be an acquaintance.

"I feel like Niall and Harry know half the population of Manchester between them," comments Louis as he watches the bartender laugh at something Niall's said. "It's a little scary, actually."

"You're just bitter because you don't have that many friends," Eleanor says.

"But how do they _do_ it?"

"Probably by leaving the house, babe."

Zayn tunes out their banter as he downs a Cola. The bartender had slid it over to him as soon as he walked over, and he should really learn his name soon. He comes here often enough. Checking his watch, he nudges the rest of the group.

"S'about to start."

"What exactly is about to start?"

"Hush, Lou," says Harry and copies Zayn by turning to the stage. His solemn expression is broken when Niall spills into his lap and licks him on the cheek.

"Gross," he sputters and licks Niall right back.

"Can't you two just kiss like normal people?" Louis asks, sounding vaguely nauseated. Niall hops off to lick his face too. He then straddles Harry and snogs him thoroughly.

"Happy?" he asks and Louis coughs.

"Not really, no."

"Good."

Whatever Louis is going to say next is lost in the screams of the crowd as Liam runs out as DJ Payno.

"Is that Liam?" Harry asks, pointing at the stage. Zayn nods.

"So _that_ _'_ _s_ where he's been getting to," Niall mutters.

They're all soon pulled into dancing, drawn by the magnetism of good music and a large crowd. The five of them are in a group near the front, jumping all around and going crazy. Liam puts on the Macarena for a few minutes and they all laugh as Harry leads them but forgets the motions halfway through and does the chicken dance instead.

Liam hands over the headphones to someone else as he turns on an ear worm that everyone knows from the radio. Making his way towards them, he plasters himself against Zayn's back and joins in.

They go even crazier and go hard, losing themselves to the music. The lights in the club flicker so everything Zayn sees seems like it's in stop motion film. It adds an unreal quality to the night as they all throw their heads back and scream the chorus of the song.

Liam's hand is in his, he's surrounded by his friends, his family, and he feels like he conquer the world.

He is _home._

 

epilogue

 

Liam watches Ava walk down the aisle with a huge grin, throwing flower petals carefully. Louis must make a funny face because she sticks her tongue out and giggles. Eleanor's behind her, radiant in her white dress. He glances to Louis who is unsurprisingly already misty-eyed beside Zayn, as is Harry beside him.

"She looks gorgeous," he hears Zayn whisper and Louis gives a jerky nod. Ava finishes her flower petals and stands next to the maid of honour.

Eleanor arrives and whispers a quiet 'hi' to Louis as they take hands.

"They're actually going to do this," Zayn breathes and Liam takes his hand as discreetly as possible.

"Louis isn't the type to get cold feet."

"Yeah, we'll leave that to Niall." They both laugh quietly, going silent as the priest begins to speak at the front of the room.

Liam sighs as he watches Louis and El exchange vows, looking absolutely and sickeningly in love.

"Let's get married," Niall whispers to Harry when they kiss, and both Harry and Liam suppress a laugh. Niall proposes marriage at least once a week. Harry swears he won't believe it even if it does happen. But then again, Harry's been asking about where to get rings, so who knows.

As long as they don't beat Liam to the punch, he'll be happy.

Louis dips Eleanor for their kiss, the dramatic romantic little shit, and Niall and Zayn catcall. Louis flips them off quickly when he straightens.

"Ladies and gentlemen, Mr and Mrs Calder-Tomlinson!" the priest announces and the entire room erupts in cheers as the two race down the aisle. Zayn collects Ava, picking her up and kissing her on the cheek.

"You did so well! The best flower girl ever," he tells her and she makes a face.

"Baba, you're scratchy. No kisses."

"More for me, then," says Liam and Zayn obliges. Ava makes a disgusted noise.

"You're gross. Put me down before I throw up."

"When did my five year old get so demanding?" wonders Zayn, letting her go. She runs off and grabs Harry's hand, chattering away.

"You shouldn't've let Louis babysit so much when she was younger."

"If only."

Liam grins at him and kisses him properly this time, feeling a little thrill at kissing in a church where weddings are held. But not yet.

It's later, when they're whirling around the dance floor that he remembers the little box shoved into one of his shoes at the back of his closet. He's been waiting for the right moment, the perfect opportunity.

He watches Niall and Harry spin Ava and Louis beam at Eleanor and knows completely and absolutely content.

"I love our family," he says to Zayn and he nods.

"They're pretty cool, sass and all." He lays his head on Liam's shoulder and they dance for a moment. Liam hums along to the music and Zayn lets out a little sigh.

"I love you."

"I love you too."

Maybe tomorrow he'll propose.

 


End file.
